


The Dark, The Light, and the in Between (Kylo Ren x Reader)

by soyouthinkimskinnyyy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Dominant Kylo Ren, Dominant Y/N, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to Uneasy Allies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Han Solo is dead, Kylo Ren is a simp, Kylo Ren’s Prisoner, Naboo - Freeform, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Submissive Kylo Ren, Submissive Y/N, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Temporary Amnesia, Y/N is a jedi, Y/N is all cottagecore no lesbian, depictions of ptsd, every other chapter is Kylo’s pov, prisoner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:08:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 51,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29385357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soyouthinkimskinnyyy/pseuds/soyouthinkimskinnyyy
Summary: You are a girl that has lived on Naboo for about six years now. You have no memories from before this time, but have an unexplainable gift: the power to see emotions and make decisions. You use this gift for the betterment of Naboo until one day, the First Order finds out about you and kidnaps you, forcing you to work for them. All of the sudden, a creature in a mask becomes obsessed with your memory, devoting his time to figuring out what happened to you. He doesn't care about the cost, he doesn't care how much he hurts you, and he sure as hell doesn't care about the feelings for you that slowly corrupt his brain. Will you ever stop hating him? Will the return of your memories turn you against him? Or will he be forced to live in his own void of loneliness forever?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Prisoner, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	1. Author’s Note

general warnings for this fanfic: blood, murder, torture, scarring/burning, assault, depictions of ptsd, smut, deep topics such as love and death, furry cat. 

if any of the things listed will affect you in a negative way please DO NOT read. 

this fanfic depicts a toxic relationship that should be avoided in real life. 

suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255

domestic abuse hotline: 1-800-787-7233

if you have any questions, feel free to ask! My DM's are always open. 

My tiktok account is: so_you_think_that_i_am_skinny

My twitter account is:  
slutforvillains

the link for the spotify playlist that accompanies this fanfic is:   
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4UVCqWS1STYjS3oSLk07nG?si=exsT9aeHScaR683iGdsJPw

i hope you enjoy my fanfic!


	2. No Rest for the Pure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Instead of doing aesthetic collages for this story I’m including a song that goes with the vibe :)
> 
> [Bad Kind of Butterflies- Camilla Cabello]

You were ready to die. It wasn't like you wanted to die but you had already made your peace with slipping into the unknown. You could stop being a generous person at any point but that would defeat the purpose of your powers; you had the ability to help people so that's what you would do. 

You smiled at the thought as you kindly insisted that the frail woman in front of you did not owe you a single credit. 

"No, please. I have so much, let me do this for you. There is nothing you could give me; I am well provided for."

The tiny old lady smiled kindly, her wrinkled accentuating the laugh lines she held from many years of happiness. 

"May the Force be with you forever young lady."

You accepted her nice sentiments but rolled your eyes internally. This lady really believes in The Force? She must be a little off her rocker. Everyone knew The Force was a rumor. Sure, there were stories of Queen Amidala's affair with a Jedi, but you had decided Jedi were just exceptionally skilled warriors. The idea that they could control anything with their minds had been a rumor created to explain their astounding skill level. 

Your own powers had been the subject of many sleepless nights, wondering how and why you were gifted with something so incredible. You had the ability to help people make decisions. You knew which path they should travel, which gamble they should take, and what bridge they should cross. You could read people like a book. It wasn't like seeing into their minds, more like sensing their energy and understanding their biggest hopes and worst fears. You were known by all as The Empath Girl. 

Without the protection of Naboo, you would have been subjected to the prying eyes of the galaxy who, despite security measures, still found you every once in a while. The people of Naboo have been more than gracious. They provided you with a home which you also utilized as a place for people to seek out your skills. 

You were rather fond of your home. It was a small, wooden cottage painted white that had green vines lacing their way to the roof. The cottage sat in between the woods and a beautiful meadow, giving you two gorgeous views. When you didn't have visitors, you would roam the tall flowers of the meadow and nap in the grass. 

You lived relatively close to the castle and were quite fond of the current ruler, Queen Valentina. The Queen made a point to visit you often; she sought your advice on political affairs and kept you informed on life outside of Naboo. Queen Valentina had informed you of the First Order's rise to power, worrying that they would target the planet. You instructed her to declare Naboo a neutral planet and have no interaction with either side unless absolutely necessary.

Queen Valentina had always been good to you. She was the one who encouraged the people of Naboo to help you when you landed on their planet with no memory. You had been so distressed when you arrived but Valentina was there to help you, cheering you on as you remembered about your powers. She convinced the planet to keep you as their best kept secret in order to protect you and keep you for themselves. You would be grateful for her as long as you lived. 

You were shaken from your daze when you heard the wheels of a carriage crackling along the rocky pathway that led up to your cottage. You moved to the window in your kitchen which overlooked the meadow and saw the unmistakable shape of the queen's carriage. Queen Valentina was helped from her carriage and strolled to your door. You left the kitchen and hastened to the door, opening with a girlish excitement and giving Valentina a toothy grin.

"Valentina!" You greeted her. "It's been so long since I saw you last. What's been going on? Is everything okay?"

"I am afraid not my dear friend," she attempted to return a small smile. 

You took a closer look at Queen Valentina. Dark circles had formed under her eyes and her hair had a grayish tint that told you she was under a lot of stress. A grey rope of intense anxiety was wrapped tightly around her and your face fell. You moved out of the doorway to allow her entry. 

"Come in, please. Let me make you some tea."

You led her to your kitchen table, a small, wooden, circular table that doubled as your meeting place when people sought you out. She sat and you went across the room into the kitchen, sitting a kettle on the gas stove and lighting the burner. You turned to face her, leaning against the wooden countertop as you waited for the tea to boil. 

"I know you probably can't stay long. What is bothering you?"

"It's the war," she replied solemnly. "It's getting worse."

"Are you being pressured into taking a side?"

Valentina paused for a moment, composing herself before replying.

"Yes and no."

You raised your eyebrows and pushed yourself away from the counter, taking a step towards her. "What do you mean?"

Queen Valentina massaged her temples, obviously upset about something. Before she could formulate a sentence, you had figured out what was going on. 

"They want me don't they?"

She nodded sadly. "This morning, a man who called himself a "Knight of Ren" came to the palace and requested an audience with me. I accepted and he explained that his master was very interested in your abilities. his master wants him to meet you and report back."

"Did he say who his master is?"

"Commander Kylo Ren of the First Order."

You stared blankly at her. "Doesn't ring a bell. So he's just some old crusty military man that wants to know about my powers?"

Your cat nudged against the queen's legs and Valentina picked it up, petting it gently.

"According to the 'knight', Commander Ren is related to an old queen, giving him as much claim to your powers as any other citizen of Naboo."

"What queen?"

"Queen Amidala."

"Damn," you whispered softly. "So this knight-guy is coming to meet me? When?"

"Anytime now. He allowed me to leave first to explain the situation to you but was insistent that he would not wait long."

The scream of the kettle jarred you from your inquisitive thoughts. You pulled the kettle from the burner and poured the water into a mug. You put one of your homemade tea bags made of lavender, eucalyptus, and tea leaves in the mug and handed it to Queen Valentina. 

"This should help with the stress," you offered. 

She smiled. "You're really too good, you know that? Anyone else would have fought with me about this but you've just accepted it. Why?"

You moved closer to her holding your arm out for examination. Your skin had lost some of it's coloration since you saw her last. 

"I don't have much longer," you replied blandly. "I may as well do what I can with what little time I have left."

Queen Valentina sighed dramatically. "Why are you letting this happen? You could stop this if you simply charged people for your services, but you don't. Why not?"

"Nothing lasts forever," you replied calmly. "And most of the people who visit me need my help more than I need theirs. It would hurt me to ask them for anything in return." You shrugged, "I've made my peace with it." 

Valentina frowned, lips pouting. "Well I haven't. Maybe this knight man can talk some sense into you since I evidently cannot."

The sound of a knock at the door interrupted Queen Valentina's lecture. You turned to look out the window, positioning yourself at an angle so you could see who was at your door. From what you could tell, it was someone in all black clothing with a mask on. You sighed and begrudgingly went to open the door. You were greeted with an emotionless mask and an equally emotionless man. Strung across his shoulders was a scythe-like weapon that made you nervous. The man looked you up and down through his mask, obviously judging your simple appearance. He tried to enter your house but you stopped him. 

"Oh no. My home is a safe place. That weapon stays at the door or you don't come in at all. And that mask needs to come off as well."

The man paused for a moment before giving into your demand, dropping his weapon at the door and removing his mask. He had brown hair that was in desperate need of cutting. His jaw was set in a permanent frown and his eyes were a menacing grey. There was something about him that you found attractive, but you couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. 

You quietly led the man to where Queen Valentina was sitting and offered him the other chair. He sat and you moved to lean against the wall that provided a barrier between the kitchen and your bedroom. 

"My name is Vicrul," the knight began. "I am here to learn about your powers and report back to Master Ren."

"Okay," you replied shortly. "What do you want to know?"

"Are you a Jedi?"

You scoffed. "A Jedi? Like one of those men who runs around in a dark robe and slices people open with a laser sword?"

"Well not exactly, but sure."

You rolled your eyes. "Absolutely not."

"Are you using the Force to manifest your powers?"

"The Force? Isn't that a rumor?"

Vicrul sighed. "Oh no, it's very real."

"Right..." You replied sarcastically. 

Vicrul ignored your attitude. "So if you aren't a Jedi and you aren't using the Force, where do your powers come from?" 

You shrugged. "I don't know." 

"You don't know," he repeated. 

"Ummm yeah. I don't know."

"Okay so show them to me."

It was almost too easy. You had been able to read his energy the second he walked in the door and it made you want to puke. The emotions he was feeling made you wonder how he kept himself so calm and composed.

"You are thankful," you began. "Thankful for the security and direction your master provides; but you hate it at the same time. You have this constant itch, this scream at the back of your head, to wreak havoc and destruction everywhere you go. All your master would have to do is nod and you wouldn't hesitate to burn an entire planet to the ground. You are barely balanced and a single feather could send you toppling over the edge into madness."

Vicrul leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Impressive. Can you see into my mind?"

"No I just see the emotions coming from you."

"What else can you do?"

You shrugged. "I can help people make decisions. I know which option is the better one."

"So if I wanted to move to a different planet, say my choices were Naboo or Coruscant. Which would be better?"

You closed your eyes, imagining Vicrul in either place, picturing both outcomes as if they were vivid dreams. You opened your eyes and replied. 

"Neither. You are exactly where you need to be." 

Vicrul smirked. "Interesting."

"I'm sorry," Queen Valentina interrupted, "but why is this necessary? Why did you come if you didn't even have real questions for her?"

"The First Order could use a gift like hers to help us win this war," Vicrul replied calmly. 

"Absolutely not," you and the queen replied in unison. 

"I refuse to involve myself in a pointless war," your voice rose slightly. 

Vicrul's smirk grew wider. "Who said you had a choice?"

"I think we're done here," Queen Valentina interrupted, standing from her chair so quickly that her chair toppled over.

Your cat that had still been in her lap fell, causing it to spill to the floor. The cat hissed and ran into your bedroom to hide under the bed. Vicrul nodded and stood, turning to walk to the door. He picked up his weapon and slung it over his back. As he walked through the threshold he stopped. 

"I expect to be sent back soon. Be ready."

With that he disappeared into the meadow. 

You sank into the now vacant chair placing your face in your hands. The queen reached for your arm, trying to console you. 

"We'll figure this out. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

You let out a deep breath. "Why can't they just leave me alone? I'm not hurting anyone."

"I don't know. But I'm not surprised. Men always mess everything up."

You sighed. Men, the bane of existence. And yet part of you wanted to meet this man, the Commander of the First Order. The other part of you told you that if you did, everything would change. But you of all people knew that some change was necessary.


	3. No Rest for the Wicked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (From Kylo’s POV)
> 
> [Arsonist’s Lullaby]

If it was any consolation to all the people Kylo Ren had killed, it was not personal. Besides his father; that was very personal. At the end of the day, business was just business. If people wanted to get in his way they should be prepared to die. Death is required in order to win a war or else it was never really a war in the first place. 

Kylo Ren was thinking these lovely thoughts as he marched down the halls of the Finalizer, going absolutely nowhere in particular. He enjoyed roaming the halls of the spacecraft and watching the fearful faces of officers who would immediately stiffen and salute when he passed them by. Sectors tended to be more efficient in their work when Kylo would prowl that specific area. Given the fact that the Resistance could not be traced at the moment, he had little to nothing to do besides instill fear in the First Order employees. 

Today Kylo was impatiently waiting for the return of his knight, Vicrul. He was traveling the halls at a faster pace than normal, itching to receive the answers Vicrul would contain. If Vicrul's mission was successful and the rumors were true, the First Order could gain a valuable weapon. If Vicrul was unsuccessful, however, they had to go back to the metaphorical drawing board. 

Kylo did not even smile to himself as stormtroopers jumped out of the way in order to avoid his large gait. He was too anxious to really care. 

The war had gone on far too long in Kylo's opinion. The standstills that occurred when the Resistance disappeared without a trace were maddening at best. The First Order needed an advantage, and fast; that's why when a First Order spy reported rumors of a girl with empathic abilities, he was quick to jump on the information. 

Kylo had spent a good bit of time and money trying to learn more about this girl and where she was hiding, learning to his excitement and discontent that she lived on Naboo, the home and burial place of his dead grandmother. He had immediately sent his most trusted knight to investigate these rumors, praying they were true. Kylo Ren was never desperate, but right now he was very close. 

Kylo stopped in his tracks when he suddenly felt Vicrul's presence aboard the Finalizer. He changed his direction, stomping towards the hangar Vicrul had landed in. Kylo had been waiting restlessly for Vicrul's report for hours now and was more than eager to learn the details of the mission. He arrived in the large hangar, searching the vast array of spacecraft for the one he was looking for. He finally spotted Vicrul's ship and immediately advanced towards it. Vicrul exited his ship and approached Kylo, kneeling respectfully. 

Vicrul wore a mask very similar to Kylo's and grey armor that covered his muscular body. Out of all his knights, Vicrul was the closest to Kylo. He trusted Vicrul with his life. 

"Well?" Kylo asked curtly. 

Vicrul stood. "When I arrived on the planet I met with Queen Valentina as you instructed," he began. "She seemed very interested to learn of your relationship to the late Queen Amidala," Vicrul added. "When I asked about the girl, the Queen deflected at first, stating that the girl's powers were a myth used to keep the people of Naboo in good spirits. Upon further provocation and a little convincing, however, she finally revealed the truth. I was able to convince her to take me to the girl."

"And?" Kylo was growing impatient. 

"The rumors are true. She could read me like a book."

"She reads minds?" Kylo's fists clenched. Reading minds was his thing. 

Vicrul shook his head. "Not like you, Master Ren. She reads energy, she can sense emotions. She knows of the chaos or peace happening in one's soul. But most importantly, when presented with options she chooses the correct one. Every. Single. Time."

"Fantastic." Kylo looked between Vicrul and the ship, wondering why the girl wasn't with him. "So where is the girl?"

Vicrul shrugged. "Still on Naboo. She's rather attached to her home. I think it may serve us better to leave her there and visit only when we need her. She may be more cooperative that way."

The idea of having to make continuous journeys to Naboo was utterly repulsive to Kylo. Plus, he knew Snoke would want her aboard the Finalizer. 

"No," he decided. "The Resistance could get to her, we cannot risk that."

"I worry that she will not comply, Master. She seems very strong willed."

Kylo's demeanor darkened. "I want her on this ship even if you have to drag her by her feet all the way to this goddamn star system." 

"Yes, Master Ren," Vicrul replied hurriedly. 

Kylo let out a deep breath, calming down a little bit. "I suspect she is force-sensitive and might become a new trainee for Supreme Leader Snoke. We do not want to disappoint him."

Vicrul nodded. "Very well, Master Ren. I will leave first thing tomorrow. Unless you wanted to be the one to bring her here?" Vicrul's tone was just a little too hopeful for Kylo's taste. 

"I have other matters to attend to," Kylo replied shortly. "Try and convince her to come willingly but if she won't, do what you must. We cannot afford to lose this source of power."

"Yes, Master Ren," Vicrul bowed again before standing and heading towards the knight's shared quarters. 

Kylo returned to roaming the halls but couldn't help wondering about the girl. Where was she from? How did she gain these powers? Who trained her? What did she look like? He shook himself from his thoughts. All his questions would be answered very soon and there was no point in obsessing over someone he had never met. 

Kylo found General Hux standing in one of the main hallways of the Finalizer, dictating instructions to a blonde haired Lieutenant, who straightened the second he saw Kylo Ren approach him. General Hux dismissed the Lieutenant and turned to face Kylo. 

"What news do you have, Ren?"

Kylo hated General Armitage Hux with a passion. The red-headed, painfully thin man was extremely arrogant, even around Kylo, and it annoyed him immensely. Hux's face was always drawn in a disgusted frown that added about ten years to his appearance and his uptight demeanor was not making him any younger. Kylo Ren had the power to kill the General with a snap of his fingers and yet, Hux barely gave him an ounce of respect. Sadly, Kylo had promised Supreme Leader Snoke that he would stop killing off high ranking officers, and he wasn't about to disobey a direct order from Snoke. Kylo sucked in a breath, trying his best to be civil. 

"The girl." The synthesizer in his mask made him sound dark and ominous which was exactly what he felt he was and he wanted General Hux to know it. "She is being brought here tomorrow. My knight confirms her powers are real. This may be what wins us this godforsaken war."

General Hux placed his hands behind his back and pursed his lips in approval. "Very good. Is she to be considered a prisoner?"

"That is entirely up to her," Kylo replied. "If she comes willingly I see no reason to lock her up, do you?" Hux shook his head in a 'no'. "But if not, yes, she will be treated as a highly dangerous prisoner. We do not know the extent of her abilities but we need them, no matter what the cost may be."

Hux nodded in agreement. "Very well. I will leave you to it."

General Hux turned and strolled down the hall while Kylo's mind turned back to thoughts of this mysterious girl. What if she did come willingly? What would she wear? Where would she sleep? Kylo would be sure to find her proper quarters, fit for a more powerful and superior person (unlike Hux). Kylo didn't want to admit it but the idea of having someone aboard who had similar powers was exciting. Maybe she would understand him. Or maybe she wouldn't. She probably won't, he reminded himself. Kylo couldn't have the the luxury of letting his guard down. And if Vicrul is forced to take her as a prisoner? Kylo pondered for a second before making a firm decision. Then she will rot until she gives me what I need.

With that thought in mind, he continued his daily routine, reminding every employee of the First Order who was really in charge. Hopefully, the girl would come willingly and join him in his reign of terror. Kylo smiled internally at the thought. This could be the beginning of something incredibly new.


	4. Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Ghost Adventure Spirit Orb-chloe moriondo]  
> [Lovely-Billie Eilish and Khalid]

"Just a few days," Queen Valentina begged. 

You and Valentina had been friends for as long as you could remember and yet, you rarely ever went to the palace (out of your own pure stubbornness of course). 

"Well..." You tried to think of an excuse to say no but found none. "Okay," you sighed. "Two days, that's it."

"Ha! I knew I could convince you!"

You rolled your eyes. "Don't get too excited. I'm only going for the good food," you teased. 

Valentina gave a huff of protest but smiled. "Stop stalling and go pack," she ordered. 

"Okay, okay," you held up your hands defensively. "I'm going!"

•••

You stared out the window of the carriage, enjoying the beautiful scenery of Naboo. You couldn't imagine a better place to live. Green grass and wildflowers spanned for miles, lit by the bright sun and blue sky. Everything about it was intoxicating and you loved it. 

Queen Valentina chuckled. "You act as if you haven't seen this view a million times."

"It's just... so beautiful," you sighed. 

The carriage hit a small bump as it left the dirt road behind, entering the paved stone path that led to the palace. You were suddenly glad you had accepted Valentina's invitation to stay. Despite your borderline-concerning attachment to your own home, the palace was absolutely gorgeous and a welcome change of pace. 

The carriage stopped at the front doors and the footman helped you out and onto the cobblestone. You followed Queen Valentina up the steps and through the doors of the palace. Her heels clicked on the tile and you followed nervously, feeling depressingly out of place in your simple light pink dress and flimsy white flats. You were greeted by a tall man with broad shoulders, the Captain of the Guard. He bowed to the queen and gave you a friendly nod. 

"Pardon my interruption, Your Majesty."

"What is it Captain?"

"The masked man who visited us yesterday has returned. He is waiting in the parlor."

You and Valentina exchanged a nervous glance. He was here for you. The queen shook off her apprehension and responded to the Captain. 

"He can wait. If he asks say we have not yet returned." She turned to you and smiled kindly. "Let's find you something a little more suitable to wear."

You nodded and followed her down the ornate halls of the palace. She led you into her large chambers and you gasped at the beauty of her room. The door opened into a small parlor, a creme-colored couch and one arm chair were separated by a coffee table. One wall was almost completely open, revealing a king-sized four poster bed and two doors. She led you through one of the white doors with gold handles into a large closet that was almost the size of the bedroom itself. Numerous gowns of every color hung on racks against the walls. You touched a few of the dresses in awe of their beauty. Queen Valentina dug through the closet until she finally pulled out a dress she liked. 

"Yes, this is the one," she decided. 

The dress she held out to you was a long white mesh fabric with pink roses jutting out from it. It was drastically more elegant than anything you owned. 

"Holy shit," your eyes popped open at the beauty of the dress. 

Queen Valentina exclaimed your name in protest. "Language!"

"It felt fitting," you grinned. "That dress is absolutely gorgeous. There is no way I can wear it!"

"I insist," Valentina decided. 

Despite your protests, you were itching to try the dress on. "Okay, if you insist..."

"I do," she reaffirmed. "Now put it on."

You slipped into the dress, pulling it over your body with ease and letting Valentina zip you up. The fabric was heavy and delicate, molding to your body in the best way. You felt beautiful, perfect, and completely out of place. 

"You look absolutely gorgeous," Queen Valentina smiled. 

"It's too much, I can't wear this," you protested halfheartedly. 

"You are wearing it. That's an order from your queen."

You rolled your eyes and gave her a sarcastic curtsy. "Yes, Your Majesty," you teased. 

"Oh be quiet," Valentina retorted. "Now come on I need to find the necklace that goes with it."

The queen left the closet and walked back into the bedroom toward her vanity. On the vanity sat a small jewelry box. Valentina opened it and dug through until she found what she was looking for. She pulled out a silver chain with a small silver rose pendant on it. You lifted your hair and she clasped it around your neck. You stared at yourself in the vanity mirror and almost gasped. You looked so prominent, not at all like a girl who tended to her garden every day and did simple work. You looked like you were meant to be in the palace. 

"Perfect."

Queen Valentina hooked her arm into yours, leading you out of her bedroom. 

"Where are we going?"

"The kitchen," she responded. "I'm hungry."

You laughed. "When are you not hungry?"

Your light banter was interrupted when the Captain of the Guard intercepted you and Valentina's path. 

"I'm sorry My Queen, but..."

"What's wrong, Captain?" Queen Valentina interrupted him. 

"That knight- guy... He says he knows that you are here and if you do not meet with him immediately, he will hunt you both down himself."

The queen rolled her eyes. "I hate men," she stated plainly. 

"Me too," you agreed. 

"Well, let's get this over with so we can go eat," she decided. "After you, Captain."

You and Valentina followed the Captain into the parlor. Vicrul rose from his guarded position on one of the couches and gave a small bow to the queen. At least he has manners, you thought. 

"Why have you returned?" Queen Valentina sat on the couch opposite of Vicrul and you sat beside her. 

"The First Order requires her services," he gestured towards you. 

"Absolutely not. She is a very important citizen of Naboo and will remain as such so long as she wishes."

"This is not up for negotiation, Queen Valentina. She can either choose to come peacefully or I will take her by force if necessary. I have the authorization to destroy the entire planet of Naboo if she chooses to not submit." 

Vicrul was completely certain in himself today. You sensed less of his chaotic energy from before and more resolve. You saw that he meant what he said. He would do whatever it took to get you to come with him.

"Surely your master would not allow you to destroy Naboo if he is truly the grandson of Queen Amidala," Valentina argued calmly. 

"Maybe not," Vicrul decided. "But he would have no problem with me assassinating you."

"You wouldn't dare," the Captain of the Guard drew his blaster, prepared for a fight. 

Vicrul slid his weapon off its resting place on his back, holding it evenly in his hands. "Be careful, Captain. That blaster won't hurt me but my weapon will kill you easily."

"Maybe we can compromise," you suggested quickly. "What if this Kylo Ren person, whoever he is, just comes here whenever he needs me. I'll answer his questions and I can stay on my own planet."

"Nice try but no."

"But-"

"No."

"I am not leaving my planet," you decided firmly. 

Vicrul stood calmly from his seat, taking slow steps toward you. In the blink of an eye, he grabbed Valentina, holding his weapon around her neck. 

"You have two choices. You can come with me, or you can still come with me and she dies."

Queen Valentina's face was pale from shock. You stared into her eyes, seeing that she was terrified. Valentina was your best friend and the closest thing you had to a sister; you would do anything for her. Even this, you decided. 

"Fine," you raised your hands in surrender. "I- I'll go."

"Very good," Vicrul let go of Valentina. He grabbed you by the wrist, jerking you off the couch. He led you out of the parlor and into the hall. You heard Valentina cry out your name and you twisted to see her. Tears were running down her face as she watched you being pulled away. You couldn't take it. You twisted out of Vicrul's grip and ran back to her. You embraced her, squeezing her tightly into your body. 

"It's going to be okay," you whispered. "I'll be back before you know it." 

You were yanked out of her arms by Vicrul. He wrapped his arm around your waist, dragging you away as you screamed at him to let you go. Vicrul ignored your cries and pulled you out of the palace. He drug you up his shuttle and didn't let you go until the ramp closed behind him. He moved into the cockpit and started the engines. The ship lurched into the sky almost immediately. Your body was still rushing with adrenaline and your fight or flight reflexes were still working in overdrive. You searched in vain for a way to escape but found nothing. There were no windows and the ship was completely free of any equipment that would have been helpful for you. There were two rows of benches that were separated from the cockpit by a door that you guessed was locked. You crumpled to the ground, realizing there was no escape. Not much later, you felt the ship land and the engines stop. Vicrul exited the cockpit and stared down at you. 

"Get up," he instructed. 

You reluctantly obeyed, standing to face him. You hadn't noticed what was in his hand, but realized too late when he yanked your hands from your side. Vicrul locked handcuffs onto your wrists and then stood behind you, pushing you off the ramp of the ship and into the hangar. The fluorescent lighting was blindingly bright. You squinted as your eyes tried to adjust. Even though you were a mixture of angry, sad, and scared, you couldn't help but be amazed by the size of wherever you were. At least fifty ships lined the floor of the hanger and many bow-tie-shaped ships lined the walls in rows. You were forced out of the hangar and into the hall. You walked for what seemed like forever until you finally turned the corner into a room. The room was large and had a bridge that connected one side to the other. Off the sides of the bridge, officers were abuzz as they worked on their various tasks. Vicrul shoved you to the other side of the room where a red headed man was standing. 

"Hux," Vicrul called to the red head. 

The man turned and acknowledged Vicrul before turning to you. He looked you up and down, frowning at your bright dress that was a stark contrast from the dark tones in the room. 

"This is her?"

Vicrul nodded. 

"Throw her in a cell. I have no use of her right now. Let Ren know that she is here, he will want to interrogate her."

"Yes, General."

Vicrul pushed you out of the room and down hallways that all blurred together. He finally stopped at a large door, pushing the keypad to open it. He shoved you through the entryway of the room. The room had rows of cell blocks and a control center in the middle. Vicrul handed you to the officer standing at the control center. 

"I have a prisoner for you. Put her in the most secure cell, she could be dangerous. Ren should come for her before your shift is done."

The officer nodded and took you down the hall of cell blocks, all the way to the end. He pressed the key pad in front of a room that was slightly larger than the others, pushing you inside and shutting the door. The room was almost pitch black, and you stumbled around as you tried to adjust to the lack of light. Once your eyes finally adjusted, you took in the room. On the side wall was a metal toilet and on the back wall was a cot that had a pillow and a blanket on it. You walked over to the cot and sat on it. Despite its appearance of being uncomfortable, it was surprisingly cozy. Or maybe you were just tired. 

You moved to lie down, staring at the ceiling as you tried to get over your shock. Just this morning you had been excited to spend two days in the palace and now you were a prisoner of the First Order. A tear slipped down your face and the rest came in a downpour. All you wanted to do was go home. You didn't deserve to be locked up like this; you were a good person. After the sadness subsided, another emotion replaced it: anger. You were angry at the First Order for taking you from your home. You decided that whenever you met this Kylo Ren guy, you were going to give him a piece of your mind. The comfort of the cot and your new resolve numbed your limbs and you quickly fell asleep.


	5. And Their Thorns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [No Mercy-Zayde Wolf]

"You threatened the queen?"

Kylo was sitting across from Vicrul at the metal table in his quarters. He was listening to Vicrul recount the second mission to Naboo. 

"It was necessary for the girl to give in," Vicrul replied calmly.

"Did you have any intention of actually killing the queen if the girl did not comply?"

"Unlike us, this girl seems to feel sympathy. I had no doubt it would work."

"And where is she now?"

"Cell block 700."

"The High Risk sector? Was that necessary?"

"We have no idea what she can do," Vicrul answered. "I saw it as the best option. Unless, you would rather I tie her to one of the interrogation chairs?" 

"No," Kylo replied calmly. "That won't be necessary. I'm sure I can make her submit without torturing her."

"Whatever you say, Master," Vicrul responded sarcastically. 

"Are you doubting me, Vicrul?"

"Never, Master Ren. I just don't think she's going to be in the mood to have a nice chat after she was forcibly taken from her home."

"I guess we will see," Kylo responded, standing from his chair at the kitchen table. 

Kylo left his chambers and marched towards the prison sector. He stormed into the room, blowing past the officer on duty and down the hall of prison cells. He stopped in front of cell 700, hand wavering at the key pad as he prepared himself to meet the girl he had heard so much about. His gloved hand pushed the key pad and the door shot open revealing a sleeping figure on a cot. You slowly stirred from your sleep, hand covering your eyes from the blinding light. You stared at him in confusion, taking in his black attire. 

"Who are you supposed to be?" You asked, voice thick with sleep. "Another one of those knights brainwashed by that Kylo Ren dude?" You let out an annoying yawn. 

Kylo frowned from behind his mask. "I don't brainwash my knights. They choose to follow me."

Your eyes popped open, realizing the mistake you had made. You scrambled up so you were sitting against the wall, pulling your knees to your chest as you glared at him angrily. 

Kylo committed your image to memory. Despite your sarcastic remark there was something about you that was enticing to him. For some reason, Kylo felt as if he had seen your face before. Your dress was crinkled and your eyes were tired and angry, but you were absolutely gorgeous. 

Kylo took a step forward so he was no longer in the doorway, allowing the door to close behind him and leave the two of you in almost complete darkness. 

"Do you know why you are here?"

"So you can use me to kill people for the First Order," you replied coldly. 

"Well, that's a crude way of putting it but essentially, yes. You will help us destroy the Resistance once and for all."

"No." You stared him down, refusing to show any fear. 

"Bold of your to assume that you have a choice," Kylo responded arrogantly. 

"You can't make me do anything I don't want to do."

Kylo released a synthesized laugh that shook you to your bones. 

"All of these assumptions you have made," Kylo spoke lowly. "And none of them are correct. I can make you do whatever I want."

"I'm not killing innocent people just so you can win a pointless war."

"You'll do whatever I tell you to do."

You pretended as if you were pondering his words. "Hmm let me think... No."

Kylo took a step towards you, invading your personal space. He thrust out his arm, hand connecting with your forehead. You felt an intense pressure in your head making you feel as if your skull might crack. Kylo picked through your brain with a fine toothed comb, searching for anything about you that he could hold over your head. He saw your house, your kitchen, your chairs, your cat...

"Of all the things to miss about Naboo, you are worried about your cat?"

"She's all alone," you forced out, panting as you tried to resist his hold one your mind. 

"There's nothing wrong with being alone," Kylo commented as if you both were having a casual conversation. 

"Get out of my head!"

Kylo saw the face of the Queen of Naboo, someone you obviously held in a very high esteem. "Queen Valentina," Kylo continued, ignoring your demand. "Is the closest thing you have to family. You think of her as an older sister." Kylo tsked at you. "She's just using you for your powers. She doesn't really care about you."

"Stop!" You cried desperately; the pressure in your head was building by the second, making you see red. "It hurts... please... stop!" 

Kylo realized he had gone too far. He removed his hand from your head and took a step backwards. The second he let go of you, you slumped back against the wall. Your body was sweaty and shaky from trying to resist him for so long. Your mind was foggy and tired, you struggled to keep your eyes open. 

Kylo allowed his arm to fall back to his side, straightening back to his full height. "You will do what I say, or you will suffer much worse than you just did."

He turned to face the door, moving towards it. Tears were streaming down your face uncontrollably and you coughed a few times before you could choke out a sentence. 

"Queen Amidala would be ashamed of you."

Kylo stopped in the doorframe. No one had ever spoken about his grandmother in that light before. He was always being compared to the great Darth Vader but never Queen Amidala and for some reason, your statement bothered him. Kylo shook off the strange feeling telling himself that he did not care. 

"Good."

He stomped out of the room, door slamming shut behind him. 

•••

Kylo had no clue what was going on in this meeting but he hoped it wasn't important. Focusing had been a struggle since he met you, his mind was constantly thinking of you. Kylo felt something small that he hadn't felt in a long time tugging at him: guilt. You were so pure and innocent just like he had once been; he never wanted to hurt you but you had given him no choice. Kylo knew he had lost control of his anger and gone too far; you would have debilitating headaches for the next few days. He made a mental note to have them put painkillers with your food. 

"What do you think, Commander Ren?"

Kylo snapped out of his daze, "about what?"

"Should we use the girl to help us with this decision?"

Kylo shook his head. "No. She isn't ready yet."

"What was the point of taking this girl prisoner if we aren't even going to use her?"

Kylo turned to see the officer who had asked the question. It was that blonde haired Lieutenant that Hux had been lecturing the other day. The familiar feeling of anger was warming his skin, setting something ablaze inside him. 

"You dare question me?" Kylo asked lowly. 

"No sir I just-"

"It's bold of you to assume the girl would even give you accurate answers if you asked her. You'd do well to remember that she is a person not an object."

"Yes commander."

Kylo stood from his chair and stormed out of the room. He needed to clear his mind, he needed guidance, he needed to talk to Snoke. Kylo walked into the elevator that led to the throne room, letting the door shut behind him. He tried to regain some sort of control as the elevator came to a stop, opening to reveal the large room. Kylo removed his helmet and kneeled in front of the throne. 

"I sense much distress in you, my apprentice."

"I need your guidance, Supreme Leader. How do I make the girl to submit to me?"

"You, the great Kylo Ren, cannot get a simple girl to submit to you?"

Snoke stared down at Kylo, distaste obvious on his face. 

"I'm afraid I have put too much trust in you, my Apprentice. You are so conflicted, so weak. I believed you could be the key to winning this war but I see now that I was wrong."

Snoke's disappointment hit Kylo in the chest and he rushed to reassure him. 

"No master, you were not. I will win this war, I just need your guidance."

"If you can kill your own father, you can subdue a simple girl. Do not disappoint me again." 

Kylo nodded, "yes master." 

He stood and turned back toward the elevator, entering and allowing the door to shut behind him. Kylo stared at the wall, angry at Snoke's lack of advice. If anything, Kylo was even more confused. But failure was not an option; Kylo had to do whatever it took in order to protect himself from the wrath of his master. If he could not get you to submit then he would be forced to bring you to Snoke, and that fury was not something he wanted to subject anyone else to. 

Kylo put his helmet back on his head and stomped out of the elevator and down the hall. He paced down the hallways ignoring the various officers and stormtroopers that jumped out of his path to avoid a collision. Kylo walked through door after door until he finally found the one he was looking for. He pushed the keypad and the door shot open. Kylo stepped through the door into the dark crowded space. A figure on the other side of the room scrambled up, trying desperately to mold into the corner of the wall. 

"Tell me where the Resistance base is," Kylo demanded. "Use your abilities and figure it out."

"That's not how it works," you stuttered, voice shaking. 

"Do you need options or something? I need to know where their base is right now."

"You are so desperate," you whispered. You could see Kylo's emotions rolling off of him in shades of red. "I can see it so clearly. What will happen if you don't find the base?"

"It's none of your concern," Kylo shot back. "Now answer my question."

"You are going to kill them, right? All of those innocent people?"

"This is a war. No one is innocent."

"But you are going to kill them, yes?"

"Yes."

"Then I cannot help you."

"Oh but you can, you just won't. We can do this the easy way or the hard way, it's your choice."

"You don't have to do this," you whispered, desperately searching for a person behind the mask. 

"You don't have to resist," he countered. "It's very simple actually. All you have to do is answer my questions, that's it. You won't be killing anyone by just answering a question,"Kylo persuaded. "You could behave and not have to stay in this cell. Wouldn't you rather sleep in a real bed?"

You sniffed. "Believe it or not, this cot is actually pretty comfortable." You were growing bolder. 

In an instant, Kylo ignited his lightsaber. He held it so close to your face that you could feel your skin cooking from the red heat. He moved his saber down to your shoulder, burning a line from the top of your shoulder down to the exposed part of your chest. You hissed in pain, head shooting up so you were staring right into his emotionless mask. 

"Just submit and the pain can stop. Is that really so hard?"

"I am not helping you kill people," you repeated confidently. 

Kylo sighed. "I didn't want to have to do this, but you give me no choice."

The glow of Kylo's lightsaber died as he placed his hand on your forehead. Your eyes grew wide in horror as he entered your mind, yet again. The pain was awful, unbearable even, and Kylo knew that. But he had to get you to submit. He couldn't stop until you gave in. Kylo closed his eyes and focused on your thoughts, your memories. He pushed past your years of service to Naboo, he pushed past all the people you had met and helped, he searched for memories of your childhood and training. But when he got there he found nothing. Instead of memories all your brain held was an endless expanse. There was not a single memory. He pushed further, searching desperately for anything, but he found nothing. Kylo heard a bloodcurdling scream and realized it was you, begging him to stop. 

"Okay! Okay, please! I'll do it! Please stop!"

Kylo pulled out of your mind. The second he took his hand off your forehead, your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you passed out. You fell forward and Kylo caught you, body molding into his. He lifted you back onto the cot and watched as your body settled into it. In a bout of confusion-created sympathy, Kylo remembered how cold the Finalizer was and decided to cover you with the blankets. Your extravagant dress seemed uncomfortable and he made a mental note to find you something more suitable to wear. Despite being completely unconscious, you were still shaking and crying. Kylo placed his hand back on your forehead, imagining the meadows of Naboo as best as he could remember it from his childhood. Your face softened in your sleep as you began dreaming of dancing in the meadow outside your house. 

Kylo turned and walked out of the room, mind full of questions he could not answer. He decided that you reminded him of himself before he had turned to the dark side; truly believing that everyone and everything in the galaxy was good. So hopeful and happy. But Kylo had learned the hard way to never trust anyone. And after what he had just done to you, he wondered if you would ever trust him.


	6. You Make Me Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Hostage-Billie Eilish]

"What is that?"

Your back was pressed into the corner as you eyed whatever was in Vicrul's hands.

"Master Ren had me bring you some clothes."

You raised an eyebrow at him. Kylo Ren did not seem like the kind of person to do something nice without hidden intentions. 

"What is this, some type of sick peace offering?" You sneered at the thought. "I'm fine with my dress. I don't want anything from him."

"They're just clothes," Vicrul stated plainly. "It's not like he cursed them or anything."

"How do you know?"

Vicrul sighed. "Despite what you may think, Master Ren is not some faceless monster with no morals. Plus, he needs your abilities. He's not going to kill you."

"He might," you muttered. 

"Put the clothes on," Vicrul ordered. 

"Why should I? I like my dress! It may be the only happy thing on this whole starship." You crossed your arms defiantly. "I'm not changing and that's final."

Vicrul sighed. "If I found you something... happier, would you wear it?"

"I would think about it," the edges of your mouth tugged into a devious smirk. 

"Fine. Then I'll go find something."

Vicrul stomped out of the cell and you allowed yourself to spread back out. Your dress was itchy and a part of you was begging you to take the clothes, but you couldn't. You weren't going to accept anything from Kylo Ren, not if you could help it. You weren't going to owe him anything, not after what he had done to you. Your chest still stung from where he had burned your skin and your head still held a dull ache. You would be content to never see his stupid masked face ever again, and yet, a tiny part of you wanted to know who was under that mask. A part of you felt as if you recognized his energy, like you had seen it before. However, you had no recollection of ever meeting him before. 

You shook yourself away from that thought, refocusing on the present. You reached down to fold the blanket on your cot, doing your best to tidy up the bleak cell. The door to your cell opened but you didn't look up, assuming it was Vicrul. 

"I'm not wearing some stupid First Order uniform."

"Well that's all we have."

Your head shot up when you realized that the person who had entered your cell wasn't Vicrul. Your knees shot to your chest as you tried your best to morph into the wall. 

"Where's Vicrul," you muttered. 

"He said you were being difficult," he replied stiffly. 

"What, because I don't want to wear some stupid uniform?"

"Yes."

"Well I'm not wearing it."

Kylo Ren took a step towards you and you flinched, waiting for him to attack you. 

"I'm not going to hurt you," he sighed. "Just take this."

He handed you the clothes and you took them, examining the fabric in the dark light. You realized the uniform was a light grey, possibly the victim of an accidental bleaching. You wanted more than anything to reject it, but your dress was so itchy and uncomfortable you decided to just give in. 

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine. I'll wear it," you muttered begrudgingly. You glared at him, waiting for him to leave. 

He shifted awkwardly, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. "I'm not supposed to leave you alone with something that can be used as a potential weapon." His mask was tilted down, examining the fabric of your dress. "It's First Order policy."

You raised an eyebrow, "my dress?" You rolled your eyes. 

"In case you haven't noticed, half the ship is afraid of you because you can do things they cannot fathom."

You raised your eyebrows in confusion. "I can help people make decisions and read emotions," you argued. "It's not like I make people think their skulls are going to explode while I steal memories from their brains."

Kylo placed his hands behind his back, straightening his posture. "I wouldn't have done that if you had just submitted."

"But you still did it," you pointed out. 

You glared at him. "If you have to stay in here at least turn around."

"Fine." 

Kylo Ren turned around to face the corner and you timidly stood up, legs touching the cot because you were standing so close to it. You fiddled with the zipper on the back of your dress. The silence that ensued was awkward at best, and in it you noticed something was different about him. 

"You're not angry today," you observed. "Why?"

"Why does it matter?" Kylo Ren spoke in a toneless voice, there was not an inch of care in the way he spoke to you. 

"I don't know, I was just trying to make conversation, jeez."

"Why can't you remember your childhood?"

"I- umm," you faltered. You hadn't expected him to ask that. 

"Exactly."

You rolled your eyes as you slipped out of your dress, staring daggers into the back of his helmet. 

"So do you like sleep with that thing on? Are you an actual person under there or..."

"If you keep asking stupid questions, I'm going to turn around."

"Fine," you muttered as you hopped on one foot, trying to pull the pants up your legs. 

You put on the top, hands fiddling at the buttons. When you were done you looked down and observed the boring uniform, frowning in distaste. 

"I look dumb," you grumbled. "Oh, you can turn around by the way." 

Kylo turned to face you. His mask tilted down as he slowly took in your change of outfit. 

"You look like you belong here," he commented. 

You wrinkled your nose. You did not want to fit in on this ship. You were not about to look like another evil, bored to death person. The low voice of your captor shook you from your resentful thoughts. 

"Do I need to put you in handcuffs or are you going to behave?"

You rolled your eyes. "Where am I going to go?" You asked, bored with his attitude. "I don't even know how to fly one of those damn ships."

Kylo huffed and moved in front of the door forcing it open and stepping through the door frame. He stopped and looked back expectantly, waiting for you to follow him. You took a step towards the door, afraid to get too close to him. Your hand absentmindedly rubbed the burn on your shoulder that he had created. 

Kylo Ren sighed in annoyance. "I already told you, I'm not going to hurt you."

You stared at the all black figure nervously. "How do I know you're telling the truth?"

"If I was going to hurt you I would be angry and you already established that I am not angry."

You reluctantly followed him into the hallway, examining your hands awkwardly. You gasped involuntary as a realization hit you. Kylo Ren turned to face you. 

"What's wrong?" He asked in a bored tone. 

"I- I'm..." You stared at your hands in shock. "I'm not fading I-" 

"What do you mean you aren't fading?"

"My abilities, they drain me when I don't receive pay for my services but for some reason- I'm not fading anymore."

"So you were dying because you don't make people pay for your help but now you suddenly aren't dying anymore?" Kylo Ren belittled you. 

"Umm yeah," you replied, cheeks turning pink from the way he was speaking to you. 

He shook his head in a criticizing manner. "Why didn't you just make people pay you?"

You looked up into Kylo's mask, frowning at him. "You wouldn't understand."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't know how to be a decent human being."

Kylo stiffened then turned around. "Come on," he ordered. 

You silently obeyed his order, following behind him. Officers and troops in white uniforms saluted to Kylo Ren, but seemed to shrink away from you. You tried your best to memorize the hallways and doors in case you ever had the opportunity to escape but your brain was spinning from the effort. You followed the creature in black for what felt like hours but in reality was probably only a few minutes. Kylo Ren turned down a small hallway and stopped at one of the few doors on the row, using the keypad to open it. He disappeared into the room and you followed him inside. You were greeted by a long black table with twelve chairs lining the sides. All the seats were full except for the one at the end which Kylo Ren sat in. You moved to the corner closest to him, doing your best to hide in the shadow that the wall had created. 

"Oh don't be shy," the red headed man that you had met the day you arrived cooed at you. 

You tried to recall what Vicrul had called him. Hugs? Bugs? You couldn't remember.

"This is the girl we have been waiting for," he clarified to the rest of the table. "And I am assuming she has agreed to comply?" He looked at Kylo expectantly. 

Kylo Ren nodded. "Yes, she is going to help us."

"Very good. Let's get to business then." He turned to address the table. "We have received intelligence that a group of resistance spies are planning on meeting with sympathizers in the outer rim." He turned to look at you. "Would it be better to intercept these spies and take them as prisoners or have our own spies pretend to be sympathizers in order to find out what the Resistance has planned?"

Immediately the two options appeared in front of you, showing the possible outcome of each decision. You saw the First Order taking the Resistance spies and torturing them for their information, but you also saw the First Order spies infiltrating the Resistance and finding their base, ultimately destroying the rebellion. 

"Take the Resistance spies as prisoner," you audibly decided. "That's the better option."

"And why is that?"

The sound of Kylo Ren's synthesized voice made you want to turn into a wall, or puke, or die. You had to come up with a good lie and fast. 

"If the First Order spies try to infiltrate the Resistance, they will be discovered and tortured for information about the First Order," you replied as calmly as possible. 

"Then it's settled," the red head decided. "We will take the Resistance scum as prisoners. For goodness sake girl, sit down! We could be here a while."

"Should she really be hearing any of this?" An officer at the end of the table spoke up. 

"She's not going to escape," another officer countered. "Not when even Commander Ren is watching her every move."

"She can stay," Kylo Ren decided. 

You sat on the floor, back resting against the corner of the wall. 

"We have a few non-emergency issues that need to be discussed," another officer began, opening a notebook. "First, the hanger in sector B-12 was damaged during a training incident..."

You completely zoned out. You didn't care about faulty weapons systems or malfunctioning tie-fighters (whatever those were). You examined the lines on your palms, bored out of your mind. In your peripheral vision, you noticed that you weren't the only one not paying attention. Kylo Ren was staring at you. 

What does he want? You thought to yourself. 

To know why you can't remember your childhood. Kylo Ren's voice vibrated through your mind. 

Your eyes shot up, confusion etched on your face. What the fuck? 

Wow, language, he retorted. 

Get the fuck out of my head!

Then stop thinking so damn loudly. 

What's the point of sitting in this meeting if you aren't even paying attention?

It's a formality, I have to be here. 

A formality? Aren't you like in charge or something? You could literally just leave and no one would question you. 

But then General Hux would take over and start making decisions that are over his head. 

(Oh Hux, that's his name.) Sounds like you're all a bunch of power hungry little boys to me. Queen Valentina has never had to fight for her power on Naboo. The people simply respect her. I wonder why people don't respect you?   
You glared at him. Oh yeah, maybe because you're a bitch to everybody. 

Don't make me angry.

What, are you going to torture me right here in front of everybody? That would be low, even for you. 

You just really want to die don't you? 

I mean yeah... wouldn't you if you had been taken away from your home and were forced to do things you didn't want to do?

I was. 

You paused, surprised about his comment. You- what? Then why would you do the same thing to somebody else?

Because it made me stronger. You have untapped potential that Supreme Leader Snoke could help you unlock. 

You rolled your eyes, he was talking about that stupid Jedi stuff. I'm good, thanks. I'd much rather spend the rest of my life in my house on Naboo with my cat. I don't need cool mind tricks to be valid. 

You haven't felt it, the power of the Force. 

You raised your eyebrows at him. Honestly, you're sounding a little obsessed to me. 

"And with that, our meeting is adjourned," Hux announced. 

Everyone stood from their seats at the table, quickly filing out of the room. Kylo motioned for you to follow him and you obeyed, trying desperately to keep up with his long strides. Waves of red anger were rolling off of him. You tried to be as quiet as possible, obediently following behind him and praying he wouldn't hurt you. Kylo forced the door to your cell open, waiting for you to enter then wordlessly closing the door behind you. You stared at the empty doorway where he had just been, utterly confused. Why hadn't he hurt you? Who was this Supreme Leader Snoke-dude? You let out an intense huff and went to sit on your cot. A wave of homesickness hit you. You missed your bed and your cat. You missed the meadow and the woods. You would even admit you missed the palace. The necklace Valentina had loaned you still hung around your neck as a cruel reminder of what had been stolen from you. But there was nothing you could do; this was your new normal and it was a pretty bleak one. You lay down on your cot, exhaustion hitting you like a train. Your mind slipped into a deep sleep, one you wouldn't come out of for a while.


	7. You Make Me Angry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Lets Kill Tonight-Panic! at the Disco]

Kylo Ren wanted to kill you. He was literally relishing the idea of murdering you in cold blood. Even two days after he had last seen you, you were the very epicenter of his thoughts. You infuriated him and utterly confused him at the same time and it made Kylo want to rip this entire starship apart piece by piece. 

Kylo sat brooding in the corner of the living room where his knights lived, helmet resting in his lap. He watched quietly as Ushar and Ap'lek tried to beat each other in an arm wrestle. Vicrul was silently cleaning his weapon and Cardo, Kuruk, and Trudgen were carrying on a heated conversation about whether or not a Porg could beat an Ewok in battle. 

"A Porg could literally fly away, an Ewok can't," Kuruk argued. 

"But an Ewok has hands so it can actually grab the Porg. What's a Porg going to do? Peck an Ewok to death?" Trudgen retorted. 

"It might," Kuruk fumed. 

"What do you think Vicrul?" Cardo called. 

"The Ewok would win," Vicrul decided, eyes not moving from the weapon in his hands. 

"See, I told you," Trudgen gloated. 

"Wipe that smug look off your face right now or else," Kuruk threatened. 

Kylo allowed the knights to distract his thoughts. Kuruk and Trudgen began smack talking each other and Cardo egged them on, laughing boisterously every time they dealt a particularly clever insult. Out of his peripheral vision, Kylo saw Vicrul lay his weapon down and pull a chair up next to him. 

"I sense anger in you Master Ren."

Kylo sighed. Of course Vicrul would have sensed it. Anger was a constant emotion for Kylo but today it was much worse. It was taking all of his patience to stay still and not take out his anger on an unsuspecting droid, or you...

"That girl," Kylo muttered. "Is on my fucking nerves. I think I've gotten one step closer to getting her to trust me but then she turns into a complete bitch."

"Well to be fair you did invade her mind, steal her memories, and torture her..."

"I had to do that."

"Yes Master, I know that but she doesn't. She just wants to go home to her planet and be happy."

"Well that's not an option," Kylo retorted. 

"Then you have to open up to her," Vicrul responded, perfectly at ease with how he was speaking to his master. "Otherwise she's going to hate you forever."

Kylo fidgeted in his seat, the very idea of opening up to you making him uncomfortable. "I am not telling some random girl about my life."

"Then she is never going to trust you," Vicrul replied flatly. 

"You're not helping Vicrul."

Vicrul raised his hands defensively. "I'm just tired of having to be the good guy after you are terrible to her. I would much rather go destroy a village than participate in petty niceties."

"I will consider it. I don't want to speak of this anymore," Kylo decided firmly. 

Kylo sensed a presence at the door and rose from his seat long before he heard the rhythmic knock. He placed his helmet on his head and walked to the door, pushing the button to open it. General Hux appeared in front of him. 

Kylo rolled his eyes. "What is it, Hux?" He asked joylessly. 

The general stiffened. "We have successfully apprehended the Rebels. They are in the Interrogation rooms in sector J-7."

"I will go question them right now," Kylo replied confidently. 

Hux nodded and turned back down the hall. Kylo marched in the other direction, towards the J sector. When he arrived, he opened the door to the first interrogation room and walked in front of the rebel latched to the metal interrogation device. The rebel was a young man, maybe 19 or 20 with blonde hair and a deep tan that made Kylo wonder if the Resistance was hiding on a sunny planet. 

"Ahh, Kylo Ren," the man grinned mischievously. I've heard so much about you."

"Interesting," Kylo replied evenly. "Because I haven't heard a single thing about you, rebel scum."

"Oh wow, Kylo Ren thinks I'm scum!" He feigned a fangirlish excitement. 

Kylo immediately hated this man. "You have two options. You can tell me where the Resistance base is-"

"Hmm... I'm not really liking that option," the rebel interrupted. "What's my other choice?"

"I'll force it out of you," Kylo's voice rose. He was growing exceedingly irritated. 

"Well here's the problem, buddy. Can I call you buddy now? Yes I think I will," he decided confidently. "Listen, bud, when me and my friend over there in the other room didn't show up to the rendezvous point with our informants, the Resistance packed up and left. So I can tell you where they were but I have no clue where they are now."

The rendezvous point? Kylo took a double take. The rendezvous point? Suddenly, a thought occurred to Kylo. "Did you know what your informants looked like?"

"Nope, not a clue. Two random people could have showed up and we would have believed it was them as long as they knew the code word."

Kylo's hands clenched. You had lied to him. Forget whatever Vicrul had said about being nice, it was taking everything in Kylo's power to not snap your neck in half from all the way across the ship. 

"You good bro? You seem a little tense to me."

Without thinking, Kylo ignited his saber. He shoved it straight through the man and proceeded to slice holes through the walls. Sparks flew and electronics were fried as he went into a spurt of rage. Kylo diffused his saber and left the room, stomping down the hall towards your cell. He forced the door open, barely waiting for you to stir before he forced you against the wall. 

"You fucking lied!" He was seething with rage. 

You squirmed against the wall, trying to wake up and figure out was going on. Your vision clarified when you realized what he was talking about. You had lied. You panicked, getting defensive. 

"You would have killed all of them! I couldn't let them die!"

Kylo neared you, thrusting his hand out, wrapping it around your throat, and squeezing tightly. 

You clawed at his hand around your neck, panic clouding your vision. "Are you going to kill me?" You asked, gasping as you felt your throat closing. 

"Oh no," he growled. "You will only wish you were dead."

Kylo continued to choke you, rearranging his grip to squeeze the sides of your neck and causing your sight to blur. Your fear suddenly changed to amusement as you realized what he was doing. Surprisingly, it wasn't the first time you had been choked. It was part of the whole 'giving people what they need' thing; sometimes people just needed to choke somebody and that somebody just so happened to be you. You let out a half-cough, half-laugh. 

"You're going to have to try a little harder than that," you wheezed manically. 

Kylo let go of your neck, keeping you force-pinned against the wall. 

"Oh, I was just getting warmed up," he whispered lowly. 

Kylo grabbed your forehead and you winced, bracing for the pain you were about to feel. Kylo closed his eyes, concentrating on the memories he could not find. He arrived at them almost immediately, diving through your most recent memories with ease. Kylo found the white expanse of nothingness where your childhood memories should be. He imagined himself walking on the expanse, searching for anything that might give him a clue as to where your memories went. He searched for what felt like hours, but there was nothing. Not a single fucking thing. Kylo tried to imagine you as a child, hoping to trigger hidden memories, but still, there was nothing. Kylo's grip on your mind began to loosen when his brain registered the guttural screams coming from your mouth. 

"Please," you begged, tears falling down your face. "Please I can't take any more!" 

Kylo reluctantly pulled his consciousness out of your mind, releasing his force hold on you so you fell onto your cot. The second your body collided with the mattress, you passed out. Your body molded into the firm fabric and Kylo watched carelessly as tears continued to roll down your face, even in sleep. You were shaking and convulsing violently, cold sweats running down your body. Kylo immediately left your cell, marching down the hall towards the entrance, still seething with blinding rage

"No food, water, or visitors for the prisoner in cell 700 unless I say otherwise," he instructed the officer on duty. 

Kylo stomped down the hall, diverted from his mission when Hux crossed paths with him. 

"Commander Ren, what have you learned?"

"The girl lied to us," Kylo fumed. "If we had sent in spies we could have taken down the entire Resistance."

"I thought you had gotten her to submit," Hux sneered. 

Kylo crossed his arms, face burning in anger under his helmet. "I thought so too but apparently she values a bunch of rebel scum she has never met over her own life. Make no mistake Hux, she has been punished for this and will continue to be punished until she actually submits."

"For your sake Ren, I hope she does. If not, Snoke will have your head." 

Hux looked almost sympathetic and Kylo grimaced. He didn't want Hux's sympathy, he wanted answers. Kylo pushed past him and continued down the hall towards his study. He entered the study, turning to the rows of bookshelves and digging through them mercilessly. Kylo's study had a large wooden desk by the door and a wooden table in the middle of the room that had neat stacks of books that Kylo needed for previous research he had been doing. The walls were lined with wooden bookshelves full of books in multiple languages, even some that were dead and undecipherable. Kylo was looking for any book that talked about memory erasure. He had read about it before but couldn't remember how long ago that had been. Kylo was obsessed with finding the answer. The only thing Kylo was actually in control of was seeing into people's minds and the fact that he couldn't see all of yours irked him to no end. He had to know what happened to your memories. He refused to stop until he figured it out.

A knock at the door interrupted Kylo's crazed search. He straightened himself out and answered the knock. The door opened to reveal an officer who saluted immediately. 

"Commander Ren, Supreme Leader Snoke requests your presence in the throne room immediately."

"Understood."

Kylo pushed past the officer, nervously walking towards the elevators. He entered one, trying to calm himself and hide any evidence of fear as the doors opened to reveal the throne room. He removed his helmet and kneeled, controlling his reaction to Snoke's booming voice. 

"Have you gotten the girl to submit yet?"

"She is very powerful, Master. She agreed to submit but then lied to me."

"And I trust you punished her accordingly?"

"It may be a few days before she wakes up and when she does, she will have no food or water until she agrees to finally submit."

"No. When she wakes up, bring her to me."

"But Master-"

"You have proven that you are not strong enough for this task, so I will be completing it myself."

Kylo swallowed his anger. "Yes Master."

•••

Kylo stomped into his knights shared living room. They all stood and bowed immediately. 

"You six are to start a rotation in the girl's cell. I want to know the second she wakes up. When she does wake, make sure she is well groomed and prepared to meet the Supreme Leader."

"Yes, Master," they replied in unison.

"If you need me I'll be in my study."

Kylo stomped out of the room, preparing himself for the long hours of research ahead of him. He was determined to find your missing memories at any cost. There was something about you that still bothered him, something he couldn't quite place...


	8. Angel Among Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Gasoline-Halsey]

Blinding pain. That was all you felt for the few seconds you regained consciousness before passing out again. The second time you woke, you were still in pain, just not enough to pass out again. You wished you had passed out so you hadn't had to deal with Kylo Ren's knight...

Your eyes opened and you stared in confusion at the ceiling until you recollected what had occurred to cause your head-splitting migraine. 

"You awake?" An unfamiliar voice grunted at you. 

"No," you responded, groaning in pain. 

"Sounds like you are." The voice was low and synthesized. 

"Shh my head hurts." You rolled over to face the wall, pulling the covers over your head. 

"Sit up," the man ordered calmly. 

You reluctantly obeyed, scared of what he would do if you didn't. You stared into the mask of what you assumed was another one of Kylo Ren's knights. He looked similar to the others and you could barely find any discernible features that would distinguish him from the rest. 

"How many of you are there?"

"Six," he grunted.

"And you all just blindly follow him?"

"I can see just fine," he growled. 

You rolled your eyes and gave him a sarcastic glare. "Okay, Twenty-Twenty Vision, whatever you say..."

"Wow, now I understand why Master Ren has been in such a terrible mood," the man stated gruffly. "You are extremely annoying."

Suddenly, a wave of nausea washed over you. It took all of your strength to not vomit on Brainwashed Bitch Number Two. 

"I think I need a new body," you groaned, head beginning to throb again. 

The knight absentmindedly waved his hand over the door, letting it open to reveal another knight standing outside of it. 

"Aye, Trudgen, get the girl some painkillers."

"Why can't you do it, Cardo? I'm busy guarding the door."

"No, you're busy being a lazy shit. Get her some food while you're at it. Let Vicrul know she's awake so he can go tell Ren."

"No, wait!" You interjected at the sound of Kylo Ren's name. You pulled your knees to your chest, face turning white in fear. "I'll behave just please, don't tell him I'm awake." Your eyes grew wide as you silently pleaded with them. 

Trudgen and Cardo exchanged a glance that you couldn't read due to the masks covering their faces. They gave each other a silent nod then turned back to you. 

"We will wait until you are feeling better," Cardo decided. 

"Okay," you whispered.

Trudgen disappeared from the door frame, returning a few minutes later with some type of soup, a glass of water, and a massive pain pill. You turned green at the sight of the soup. 

"I'm too nauseous to eat," you groaned, clutching your stomach. 

"No you're not," Trudgen waved his hand at your face. 

You rolled your eyes, "Oh wow, thank you Doctor Trudgen. Suddenly, I don't feel the need to puke my guts out!"

Cardo and Trudgen exchanges another glance and you huffed in annoyance. 

"Why don't you two let me in on that little secret conversation you're having about me," you snapped. 

"Trudgen tried to Force-compel you and it didn't work... Normally only strong-minded and well-trained individuals can resist Force-compelling," Cardo explained. 

You brought your hand to your chest, "Weak minded? You wound me; I really thought we were friends..."

"Eat the soup," Trudgen ordered, leaning on the doorframe of your cell. 

"Fine," you pouted. 

You lifted a small spoonful to your mouth, hands shaking from how weak your body was. Surprisingly, the soup wasn't half-bad. It was nothing compared to the food you made for yourself, but it was decent. You tried to eat it in small bites to avoid puking but that plan went to shit when your body realized how hungry it actually was. You downed the soup in a matter of minutes, taking the pain pill shortly after your last bite. 

"Feel better?" Cardo teased. 

"No," you retorted. 

"Well that's too bad because you need a shower."

A siren went off in your head, something wasn't adding up. 

"Wait, I get to take a shower?" You raised your eyebrows. "Why are you being so nice to me? I kind of figured I would never see food again or something..."

Trudgen repositioned against the doorframe. "Well, Master Ren pretty much wanted to sever you in half but Snoke wants to meet you so Master Ren can't kill you, yet."

"Yet," you repeated grimly. "Wait, who's this Snoke guy? Why does he want to meet me?"

"You ask a lot of questions," Cardo pointed out. 

"Yes I do," you replied smugly. You figured you could annoy him a little more before he snapped at you. "Why do you wear those masks? Are you real people under there? What about Kylo Ren? He's ugly, right?"

Cardo and Trudgen exchanged another glance and you could see the waves of humor rolling off of them. You had said something pretty hilarious evidently. 

"What?" You frowned. "What's so funny?"

"Well..." Trudgen began. 

"Ugly is definitely not the term I would use," Cardo continued

"What word would you use?" You asked sarcastically. "Hideous? Disgusting? Repulsive?"

"More like scary," Trudgen replied. "If we took off our masks you would be much more respectful."

"I think you give yourself too much credit," you wrinkled your nose at them. 

"Whatever you say," Cardo responded sarcastically. 

He stood from the chair he had been sitting in and walked toward you. He extended his gloved hand and you stared at it in confusion. 

"No more stalling. It's time to go take a shower," he flicked his fingers, indicating for you to take his hand.

You accepted it reluctantly, allowing him to pull your weak body off the cot. Your legs felt like putty and you struggled to stay upright. You allowed Trudgen and Cardo to lead you down the hall, one on either side of you to catch you if you fell. You followed them down the identical hallways until you noticed a slight change when you turned a corner. It seemed to be more secluded. The lights were dimmer and the doors were further apart. Cardo and Trudgen stopped in front of one of the doors, entering a pin into the key pad on the wall so the door would open. They led you through the door into a dimly lit living room, a kitchenette to the left of it. You looked around in confusion, examining the layout. Past the kitchenette was a hallway with three doors. One of the doors was open, revealing a king sized bed with a black comforter and deep red pillowcases. Your eyes caught on the desk against the corner in the bedroom and your stomach practically dropped when you saw it. Kylo Ren's mask. You involuntarily moved behind Trudgen and Cardo, putting a barrier between you and the mask that was obviously missing it's owner. 

"Relax, he isn't here. We're just using his quarters so you can shower in private without the whole First Order peeping in on you." Trudgen moved towards the bedroom door and closed it, blocking the mask from your view.

So there is someone under that mask. You looked around his quarters, searching for anything out of the ordinary that would tell you more about him. But there was nothing, his quarters were empty and bleak. Nothing was out of place.

"So where is Evil Mask Boy?" You glanced around nervously, waiting for him to come through the door and murder you for invading his space. 

"In his study," Cardo replied. 

"So he's not going to barge in and kill me?"

"Like I said, he has strict orders not to kill you. He would never disobey Snoke not even for you, hotshot."

"But if you stall any longer I'll go tell him you're here," Trudgen warned. 

"Fine, fine, fine," you raised your hands in surrender. "I'm going."

You looked at the three doors in the hallway, trying to decide which one was the bathroom. 

"It's that one," Cardo pointed to the door on the left. 

You nodded and headed for it, reaching for the handle and opening the door slowly. Just like the rest of his quarters, Kylo Ren's bathroom was so neat it was almost depressing. The sink was on your right as you entered the room. Next to it was a toilet and against the wall was a glass-paned shower. You stepped toward the shower, opening the glass door and turning it on. You stripped out of your First Order uniform and stepped into the shower, almost crying of happiness when the warm water hit your tired body. Your muscles softened and your jaw unlocked. You physically relaxed, letting your guard down. You searched the shower for soaps, grimacing when you realized you would have to use his products. You reluctantly began the grueling process of cleaning yourself off. you used the body wash to remove the layers of sweat and grime that had been clinging to your body for a week now. You washed your hair, taking your time to get the knots out. You hummed to yourself as you scrubbed your hair, beginning to softly sing a lullaby from Naboo. A sharp knock on the door snapped you out of your trance-like state. 

"Hurry up," a voice ordered. 

You stilled when you realized who the voice belonged to. Kylo Ren. You hurried to finish washing your body, scared of what he would do if you didn't obey his orders. You frowned, growing angry. You were tired of him and his attitude. You were not the kind of person to blatantly hate people but you couldn't help it with him. He was scum, a tyrant, and a monster. You hated being afraid and you loathed being out of control. 

You finished washing the soap off your body and turned off the shower. You stepped onto the cold tile floor and searched the sink cabinets for a towel. All his towels were in a neat pile and you took one from the middle just to mess up the perfect stack and spite him. You ran the towel through your hair and then dried off your body. You stopped when you realized you didn't have a change of clothes. Shit. You slowly worked up the courage to ask for clothing, finally opening the door and peaking out timidly. You caught site of Trudgen and Cardo who were talking in hushed tones to a man who's back was to you. The man had black hair that covered his ears and was wearing all black. You swallowed your apprehension about the stranger and spoke up. 

"Hey can I have some clothes? Please," you added. 

The man with his back to you stayed unmoving, not even giving you the time of day. Finally, he passed Cardo and Trudgen and walked towards the kitchen table. You tried your best to peak further out of the bathroom while holding your towel around your body but it was very hard. The man leaned over to retrieve something off the table and you froze when you realized it was a helmet. Kylo Ren's helmet. Kylo Ren placed his helmet over his head then retrieved something else off the table. He turned and you shrank back into the bathroom, forcing the towel tightly around your body. Kylo wordlessly pushed his hand through the gap in the door, forcing it open far enough to hand you the folded clothing in his hand. You took it quickly, snatching it out of his hand and forcing the door closed. Even through the door, you could see his annoyance; but that was fine with you. You changed into the fresh First Order uniform, noticing that it was also the victim of an accidental bleaching and was numerous shades lighter than the normal charcoal grey color. You wondered why Kylo Ren had gone out of his way to find you another uniform that wasn't that boring dark grey. You couldn't decide why the devil himself was doing anything decent for you even though he wanted to kill you. You turned to look at yourself in the mirror. Dark circles had formed under your eyes and you looked tired. You combed through your hair with your fingers, attempting to make it as decent as possible. You sighed in exasperation and finally gave up, taking a deep breath to calm yourself before opening the door and stepping out into the unknown.


	9. The Devil Himself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [I Want it All-Arctic Monkeys]

Kylo desperately wanted to hate you. He wanted to hate your guts, wanted to hate that you were a bitch, hate the way you walked, and talked, and sang. He hadn't heard anyone sing in so long... he should have hated it. But he couldn't. He simply did not have the energy today. His lack of motivation was his own fault; Kylo had pulled an all-nighter trying to find the answer to his questions about your missing memories. He had come up devastatingly empty handed. Kylo was exhausted. He didn't want to deal with anyone, especially Snoke. He really wanted to call it a day and go to sleep, which was surprising for someone who normally avoided sleep like the plague. 

Speaking of the plague, you walked out of the bathroom door, timidly moving down the hallway toward him. Kylo realized that he did have energy to hate one thing today: the fear in your eyes. You looked like you would rather become one with the wall than be in his remote proximity and for some mysterious reason, Kylo hated it. He shook himself out of his trance, mentally chastising himself to get it together. He didn't understand why he was so conflicted about you. Kylo decided to go back to wanting you dead, it was much easier that way. He watched as you moved into the living room, carelessly plopping on the couch. You stared up at Kylo, looked him dead in the eyes even though he was wearing his mask, and then completely ignored him. You turned to look at Trudgen and Cardo who were flanking either side of Kylo. 

"Hey, Brainwashed Number 2," you addressed Cardo. "Do I get shoes or do I have to walk all over this nasty floor barefooted." You gestured toward the obviously immaculately polished floor.

Kylo remembered why he had wanted to kill you so much. You were infuriating. When Cardo didn't answer your request you rolled your eyes. 

"Oh my bad," you whispered as if you and Cardo were having a private conversation. "You can't say anything when Master Asshole is here, can you?"

"Cardo, go get the prisoner some shoes," Kylo sneered. "You too Trudgen," he added, watching as your smirk disappeared when you realized you would be left alone with Kylo. 

"Actually, I don't need shoes," you decided quickly. 

"Oh no, we aren't monsters. Shoes are a necessity and we provide all of our prisoners with world class necessities," Kylo's voice was as smooth as honey and laced with hints of sarcasm. 

"Right before you remove them of their heads," you muttered. 

Trudgen and Cardo backed out of Kylo's quarters and you subconsciously moved to the other side of the couch so you would be out of his reach. Kylo stared down at you, faceless mask never leaving your face. 

You rolled your eyes. "Did you forget how to speak or something?"

There was a short silence and then Kylo finally responded. "I am trying to figure out why you are sitting on my couch."

You crossed your arms and sneered. "Oh I'm sorry, am I not supposed to sit here? Where would you like me to sit? The floor?"

Kylo took a step back and leaned against his kitchen table. "I'd prefer that my knights had never brought you here in the first place."

"Because you didn't want me to see into your private life? Oh wow I am learning so much about you! Except I'm learning nothing because you're quarters are just as surface level as you," you retorted. 

Kylo clenched his fists. "Don't test me."

You snickered. "I can see that you're tired so why don't we just call off the meeting Snoke thing and you can take a nap. I'll be a good little prisoner and stay right here on this couch," your smile was ridiculously sweet. 

Kylo rolled his eyes as he observed you from behind his mask. "Right, and then I would wake up with a steak knife lodged in my chest."

You frowned, crossing your arms in a pout.

"Unlike you, I'm not a monster. The only thing you would wake up with is an empty fridge because I'm really hungry."

"Or maybe I'm just smart," Kylo challenged. "Because a smart person would try to escape the second they got a chance."

Your face fell. Your witty attitude faded and you looked down at your hands. "I'd never make it," you muttered. "Even if I did escape and go back to Naboo or some other planet, the First Order would find me. And then I would be back here in hell." Your face grew darker as your posture crumbled from the weight of the realization you had just made. 

Kylo felt a pang of... guilt? No, Kylo didn't feel guilt. He softened as he noticed your sadness. "It doesn't have to be hell," Kylo's tone changed. "If you simply submitted it could be so much better. You could have quarters instead of a cell, freedom to walk about the Finalizer, and maybe even clothing you would prefer instead of the uniforms."

"I was fine," you mumbled, ignoring his suggestion. "I was doing fantastic on my planet. I wasn't bothering anyone, I was helping people. What did I do to deserve this? Why did you bring me here?"

"I'm just following Snoke's orders."

You chuckled dryly, eyes never leaving your lap. "So you hide behind a mask and take orders from someone named Snoke. Good to know."

"He is the Supreme Leader," Kylo argued. "I would be stupid to not follow his orders."

"So this Snoke guy," you edged. "He is more powerful than you?"

"You could say that," Kylo stiffened. He didn't like to think about Snoke being more powerful than him. 

"Well if he's more powerful than you, why don't you just kill him? You're obviously capable of that. Then no one would be in charge of you and you could let me go home."

Kylo entertained this idea for a moment. "Even if for some reason I did kill Snoke, you aren't going anywhere until I can figure out how someone stole your memories."

You raised an eyebrow. "Why do my memories matter to you?"

"Because in all my years of reading minds, I have never seen anything like it."

"Oh, so I'm just a lab rat for you to test your theories on? Great..."

Kylo grew frustrated. "Why don't you care? You can't remember anything past a couple of years ago and this doesn't bother you? You aren't just a little bit curious?"

"I mean a little... But not enough to let you go digging through my mind again," you shuddered. 

"It wouldn't hurt nearly as much if you simply submitted to me," Kylo argued, straightening and taking a step forward to tower over you. 

"And why in the galaxy would I do that?"

Kylo began to pace angrily. "To find your memories? Is your skull that thick?" 

You frowned. "You know I hate you right?"

"Good."

"Good," you mimicked. "Is the only person you care about yourself? Oh wait don't answer that, I already know the answer is yes."

If Trudgen and Vicrul hadn't entered the room at that very second, Kylo probably would have actually snapped your neck. They walked calmly towards you, arms filled with boots in all different sizes. Kylo watched as they dropped the shoes onto the floor and you began sorting through them, looking for your size. You dug through the pile until you found your size, pulling them on and tying the laces into a crooked bow. You stood, stepping around the pile of shoes to stand close to Trudgen and away from Kylo. Kylo let out a huff and stomped out of the room and down the hallway. Cardo and Trudgen matched his quick strides, following him towards the elevator. 

"Hey Commander Long Legs can you slow down? Some of us don't have freakishly long twig legs!" 

Kylo kept up his fast pace, fists clenching in anger as he continued down the hallway. 

"Wow okay walking tree, just keep on going I'll catch up eventually..."

Kylo stopped abruptly, shoulders tensing. 

"Trudgen. Restrain the prisoner."

"Yes, Master Ren."

Trudgen turned to walk towards you, unhooking a pair of handcuffs from his belt. He clasped them tightly on your wrists and you winced. Trudgen moved behind you, pushing you closer to Kylo. Kylo entered the elevator and moved to the side so you could enter as well. The doors closed leaving Cardo and Trudgen outside. Kylo was nervous. Not only for himself but also for you. He had no clue what Snoke was going to do but he did know that compared to Snoke, Kylo's forms of torture were child's play. Kylo froze mid-thought when he realized you were staring at him. 

"What?" He snapped. 

"Sorry," you shook yourself from your thoughts, shrinking into the corner. "I'm just trying to figure out why you are so nervous. Should I be scared?"

"Yes," Kylo responded grimly. 

Just then the door opened and Kylo straightened, pulling you from the corner and forcing you in front of him. Your thoughts were incredibly loud and Kylo had a hard time drowning them out and focusing. 

That bitch, he's using me as a shield. 

Oh shit this Snoke guy is really large. 

Fuck I should have done what the tree told me to do. 

Oh damn I'm going to die. 

No, no, no just breathe, deep breaths-

"Well, well, well," Snoke's voice boomed. If it isn't the famous girl from Naboo. You have proven to be a large problem for such a tiny person."

You were silent. Kylo didn't need to have your powers to know you were afraid. But instead of feeling happy about your fear he felt sympathetic. Guilty, even. Kylo shook himself from these feelings, mentally chastising himself.

"Fortunately," Snoke continued. "I have ways of forcing you to submit. But it would be so much easier if you simply decided to turn instead."

He waved his hand and you shot forward, stopping at the edge of the throne. 

"Yes," he whispered. "I see it, the potential you have. You could be very powerful someday, even more powerful than Kylo Ren."

Kylo's head shot up in surprise. Snoke would replace him with you? Except, Snoke had told him the exact same thing when he wanted Kylo to join the dark side. "You will be more powerful than your grandfather could have ever dreamed of being. Even Luke Skywalker will not stand a chance against you," Kylo recalled him saying, the memory fresh like it was yesterday. 

"No," you finally spoke up and Kylo snapped out of his daze. 

"No?" Snoke leaned forward, rubbing his chin as he examined your face. "So you don't want power... but maybe peace?"

You nodded. 

"If the First Order succeeds you will have your peace, girl. The entire galaxy will be united under one power and we will all live in harmony."

"But at what cost? How many people have to die before you achieve this version of peace?"

"As many as it takes."

"No. I won't help you kill innocent people."

Kylo grimaced. He knew what was in store for you and it wasn't going to be pretty. 

"Then you will be forced."

Snoke held out his hand and your body levitated above the ground. Kylo watched as you began to spasm and convulse, trying desperately to hold in the screams threatening to wrack your body. Your face twisted into knots of pain and Kylo heard the unmistakable crinkle of leather, realizing he was involuntarily clenching his fists. 

Why was he so conflicted about this? You were nothing but a prisoner of war, a naive girl with the stupid belief that everything could be separated into black and white or good and evil. But you were in pain, and some tiny light in the back of his mind was going off. The type of light that's just present enough to be annoying, like the stupid 'fasten your seat-belt' lights that were installed in all First Order craft. But this light was telling Kylo to protect you. And the second he heard your gut-wrenching screams, every fiber in his body that had decided to hate you died. He stood there, powerless to do anything, letting your cries etch into his brain, a forever reminder of his failures at this very moment. Snoke continued torturing you for what seemed like hours, well past your breaking point. When he finally let you go, your body fell to the ground with no resistance, crumpling like a rag doll. 

"Take her back to her cell," Snoke instructed. "If she does not finally submit, kill her."

"Yes, Master," Kylo responded. He leaned down to scoop up your fragile, practically lifeless body. 

"I sense conflict in you."

Kylo nodded, swallowing harshly as he looked down at the tears drying on your face. "I think she could have been turned if we had just given her more time."

"Time is not a luxury we have, boy. 

"Yes, Master."

Kylo gave an awkward bow before carrying you into the elevator. He moved one of his hands to gently cradle your neck, using his fingers to feel for a pulse. He breathed a small sigh of relief when he found one. It was weak, but you would live. Kylo carried you out of the elevator and towards your cell. Making you sleep on that cot felt wrong but Kylo was not about to disobey a direct order from Snoke. He walked through the door to your cell, gently laying you down and turning to leave until he saw the metal chair glinting in the corner. He figured his knights had probably been using it while keeping watch of you. Kylo was exhausted but he knew that even in his room he would not be able to sleep and something about you made Kylo feel that his demons were, for once, not nearby. Kylo sat in the metal chair, watching as your chest rose and fell with soft breaths. Those soothing sounds were the culprit for him letting down his guard, leaning his masked head against the wall, and falling into a mild sleep.


	10. Am I Confused?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Skyfall-Adele]

It was just one long sheet of ice; your forgotten memories, that is. At least, that's how you were seeing them in your dream. You walked along the expanse searching for one spot that was shallower than the rest, a place you could break through. To your surprise, you found one. Among the endless expanse of thick, unbreakable ice you found the one place that was thin. You kneeled down on the ice, letting the cold burn your knees as you began pounding mercilessly against the flaw in the ice until you heard a deep crack. The ice caved to reveal a black hole that sucked you inside. 

•••

You fell for what felt like forever. It could have been minutes or hours, you had no clue. After an eternity your feet made contact with the ground. You were standing in a black expanse wondering what was going on when a hazy vision appeared in front of you. It was a woman. She looked kind, her mouth held stretch lines from years of smiling. She had the same hair color as you and you gasped when you heard something so pure you thought you might cry. She was laughing. Actual, genuine laughter. You tried to get closer to her, tried to learn more but she disappeared. You ran through the pitch black begging for her to come back. 

"No please- please..."

You shot up in bed, immediately regretting the quick movement when your stomach churned. You barely made it to the toilet before hurling your guts out, retching and gasping for air as you emptied the contents of your stomach into the toilet. You struggled to keep yourself upright, body so exhausted that it almost clouded the debilitating pain. 

"Are you done?"

Your soul almost exited your body as you gasped in surprise. You hadn't realized there was someone else in your room. But even if you had wanted to fight the intruder, you couldn't. You could barely function enough to say yes, only managing a small nod. You scooted your body so you could lean against the cell wall, timidly looking straight up into the mask of Kylo Ren, who was currently offering you a towel... and water... and painkillers. 

Okay, this is a fever dream, you decided. But you accepted the supplies, wiping your mouth before taking small sips of water until you felt you could stomach the pills. You let out a deep sigh as you felt the painkillers start to work, alleviating some of your full body pain. You didn't even have the energy to get back in bed; you simply let your head rest against the wall and closed your eyes, shivering slightly from the frigidly sterile temperature the starship was kept at. At first you thought you were being greeted by the warm hands of death when you felt yourself being touched, but your eyes opened revealing to you that Kylo Ren was picking you up. The back of your mind was screaming at you to fight back but you couldn't. You didn't have a single bit of energy. Kylo Ren placed you on the cot, covering you with a thick blanket that had not been there last time you were in your cell. You completely let your guard down, allowing yourself to fall back into the arms of your true love, sleep. 

•••

You woke feeling much better than before. The dim lighting slowly came into view as you rubbed your eyes sleepily. You were knocked out of your sleepy daze when you heard soft snores coming from the other side of your cell. You turned to see Kylo Ren sitting in the metal chair, masked head resting against the wall as he...snored? Kylo Ren snores? He sleeps? You were almost completely back to your normal self, well, enough to do some snooping, at least. You quietly slid off your cot, tip-toeing towards him. You examined his mask before finding the triggers that released the mask on each side. Your hands reached to press them... and were frozen in midair. 

"Don't even think about it," Kylo Ren growled. 

You sprung back, tripping over your own feet and falling to the floor. You silently cursed your stupidity. 

"Why do you even have it?" You muttered in annoyance. "Are you hiding something?"

Kylo Ren lifted his head from its place against the wall to stare down at you. 

"Not necessarily. The point of the mask is to instill a sense of mystery and fear. If I didn't have the mask on I would simply be a human. I would be seen as someone who could be reasoned with, someone weak."

"Oh I get it," you leaned against your cot, pulling your knees to your chest and smirking. "It's like a good guy/ bad guy type of thing. In here you're a bad guy and you're supposed to be scary and mean but when you are alone with some poor First Order intern-girl, you're the good guy who praises her for sucking on your green dick."

You could see Kylo's discomfort and anger flow off of him. His fists clenched and you could tell he was contemplating ending your life right here. You fought to hide the smirk forming at your lips. 

"I would never let a First Order employee, how did you say it? 'Suck my dick'. It's against First Order policy."

You rolled your eyes. "See you keep saying stuff about blah blah First Order policy blah blah but then you keep acting like a scary evil man who is above the law. Who is going to chastise you, or any other upper level officer like Hux, for breaking policy?"

Kylo Ren leaned forward in his seat. "You're so right. I'll remember that the next time General Hux asks me if he can keep you as a play-thing."

You shuddered. "General Bugs?" You shook your head in disgust. "Not my type."

"Oh?" Kylo Ren leaned back in his chair. "Then what is your type?"

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Woah, woah, woah evil space boy, that is a friends-only conversation. And you and I? We are nowhere close to being friends. Quite the opposite, actually."

"I'm just trying to get an edge in the bet the higher-up officers are holding. All of them have money on who you will cave and hook up with first."

You cringed, disgusted at the audacity of the First Order officers. "Don't waste the credits, I would never hook up with any of them."

Kylo Ren tilted his head, examining your facial features. "Very well, I won't. Just promise me you definitely won't hook up with Hux. He can be quite annoying when he has his way with women."

You rolled your eyes. "I'm surprised any woman would want to hook up with him. Sound like there may be some bribery involved."

"I wouldn't put it past him." Kylo stood from his chair. "Come," he gestured towards you. 

"Where are we going?"

"You puked your guts out and you sweat in your sleep like we're on fucking Mustafar. You stink. We're going to my quarters so you can take a shower."

You frowned, crossing your arms and pouting. 

"Rude."

"Get up," he commanded. 

You begrudgingly obeyed, standing up to follow him out of the room. You had barely gotten out of the door frame when a wave of nausea hit. The room began to spin and you grabbed on to the closest thing to you, squeezing it tightly as you tried to steady yourself. 

"Don't you dare puke on me."

Your vision cleared and you realized the thing you were holding onto was Kylo Ren's upper arm, his bicep tense from the surprise of your sudden touch. 

"I'm not going to puke," you replied slowly, trying your best to keep your word. 

You began to feel grounded and slowly released Kylo Ren's arm, trying your best to stay upright by yourself.

"Can you walk now?"

You nodded swallowing as you attempted to stand up straight. 

"Keep your head down. The less people that know you are awake, the better."

You gave him a confused look but obeyed his orders, keeping your head down and following behind him. A thought occurred to you as you walked down the endless hallways, trying to keep up with Kylo Ren. Why was he being so nice to you? He could have made his knights watch you but instead he stayed in your room and gave you painkillers and was about to let you shower in his quarters, something he had made clear wouldn't happen again just the other day. Your curiosity overpowered your fear of him and the second you were in his quarters you asked your question. 

"Why are you being nice to me? What do you want?"

Kylo clasped his hands behind his back, peering down at you through his mask. 

"I am not being nice to you, I am simply keeping you alive."

You refused to give in. "Then why not leave me with your knights? Why see to it personally that I stay alive?"

You could see the annoyance oozing out of Kylo. 

"When I carried you to your cell I could barely find a pulse. I thought you were going to die. That's not something my knights should deal with."

You backed away, suddenly uncomfortable with the way he had been treating you. 

"Okay well I'm definitely alive now so can you leave?"

"A compromise," he suggested calmly. "If you go take a shower I will take you to see my knights instead of taking you back to your cell."

"Deal," you smiled excited you would get to antagonize Kylo Ren's knights. 

You stumbled down the hallway, turning into the bathroom and closing the door as quickly as your sore body would let you. You hopped in the shower, not even waiting for it to hit the correct temperature. Warm water coursed down your body and it took everything you had to hold in the moan threatening to escape your lips. Your sore muscles began to relax and your nausea was almost completely alleviated. You began washing your body and then your hair, trying desperately to detangle the rats nest.   
You stared into space, thinking of the dream you had. Who was that woman? Why did you feel so at ease the second you saw her? The way she laughed was intoxicating, a lot like Valentina's laugh. Thoughts of your home invaded your mind, homesickness attacking your senses. You leaned against the shower wall, the weight of the world crashing into you. You missed Naboo so much. All you wanted to do was go home, and you were willing to fight for it. At that moment you made a decision. You were done playing Kylo Ren's games. You were going to get off this ugly starship, no matter what it took. You turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. You searched through the bathroom cabinets for the fluffiest towel. They all looked the same making your search futile, but it felt good to mess up his disgustingly perfect bathroom. You began drying yourself off but realized you had no extra clothes. You wrapped the towel around yourself and opened the door, stepping out to look for Kylo Ren. You found him sitting on the couch, arms resting behind his head. 

"Hey umm... can I have some clothes?" You asked tentatively. "Please?" You included for good measure. 

Kylo Ren wordlessly pointed to the kitchen where you noticed a stack of clothing was sitting on the island. You walked over to it, awkwardly trying to pick it up while still keeping the towel on your body. You scooped up the clothing and pattered back down the hallway and into the bathroom. You put on the uniform, brushed through your hair with your fingers, and walked out of the bathroom. You shifted awkwardly as you waited for Kylo Ren to stand up. He gave you a once-over and then stood, towering over you. 

"Let's go." He was back in his normal mood, a mixture of frustration, annoyance, and just a hint of animalistic rage. 

You obeyed, staying quiet out of fear of his mood change. Your mind drifted as you followed him blindly. What is going on with him? Why do I care? Should I ask him? No, no, no. Don't forget what he did to you, idiot. He's a monster and an asshole no matter how many painkillers he gives you. 

"We're here," Kylo Ren announced.


	11. Or Conflicted...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Start a War-Klergy and Valerie Broussard]

"No way," you gasped, holding your hands over your mouth in surprise. 

"It's true," Trudgen boasted. "Tell her, Ushar"

"Don't lie to the poor girl," Ushar replied, turning to you. "He almost got us killed on that mission and he definitely did not strangle a Wampa with his bare hands."

"Yes I did!" Trudgen protested. "It was Ap'lek who almost got us killed!"

Ap'lek sat forward, tuning into the conversation. "Oh no, don't bring me into this, Trudgen, unless you want me to give you a bloody nose right in front of our guest."

Kylo sat in the corner, watching your mouth twist into a small smile. The tiny giggle that came out of your mouth sent shivers down his spine. Kylo could not decide if he liked the sound or absolutely hated it. Conflict was the only thing he knew any more. The intense war going on in his mind was putting him on edge. 

"You still haven't removed your mask in front of her?" Vicrul was sitting dutifully beside him, ready to act on his Master's wishes at any moment. 

"No," Kylo replied lowly. "I'm not ready. She doesn't trust me yet."

"And she probably won't until you take it off. If all she knows is a monster how is she supposed to trust you?"

"I'm still a monster if I take off this mask, Vicrul."

"But you're a monster with a face," he argued. 

Kylo exhaled slowly. "Snoke wants me to kill her if she won't submit. I can't get close to her if I'm going to have to kill her in the end."

"So convince her to submit. Make her fall in love with you or something. Then she has to submit."

"Right, because I've had great luck making women fall in love with me before," Kylo retorted sarcastically. 

Truthfully, Kylo had never tried to find love before. He figured he was just one of those people meant to be alone forever. 

Kylo examined you for a moment. He watched the way your hair bounced a little every time you laughed. He saw the tiny lines that formed when you smiled. He noticed the hint of mischief in your body language as you teased his knights. 

"Correct me if I'm wrong, master," Vicrul spoke, snapping Kylo from his daze. "But I don't think it would be one-sided."

Kylo stiffened in his chair, automatically dismissing the idea. "I am not talking about this anymore," Kylo decided firmly, tuning back into what you were saying. 

"What about pets? Does anyone on this ugly ship have any pets?"

"It's technically against policy but yes, Hux has a cat," Kuruk replied. 

"A cat! Awww what's it's name?"

"Millicent," he replied. 

You wrinkled your nose. "Why would he name his cat that?"

"Who knows," Ushar sighed in annoyance. 

The Knights of Ren hated Hux with a fiery passion, possibly more than Kylo's distaste of the general. 

"I miss my cat," you admitted, a tinge if sadness in your voice. 

"What's it's name?" Cardo leaned into the table, watching you intently through his mask. 

"Grass," you replied calmly.

"Grass?" Kylo interrupted, trying not to laugh at the dumb name you had decided to give your cat. 

"Yes," you replied coldly, giving Kylo an angry glare. "I found it in the meadow by my house and it had gotten itself trapped in the long, thick pieces of grass, so I named it Grass," you answered decisively.

Kylo watched as your face began to fall, homesickness invading your mind. He knew you missed your home but he couldn't find it in himself to care. You belonged here and that was final. Your ability was too big to waste on silly party tricks; Kylo believed you were meant for much more. He was sure that you would learn in time to appreciate the Finalizer, he would make sure of it. 

Kylo watched as you conversed comfortably with his knights. Despite the fact that they also had on masks, you weren't afraid of them, but they hadn't hurt you like Kylo had. Kylo hadn't let them hurt you. He had made it clear to them that you were to be treated like a wounded puppy. He hoped that would be how he got you to submit. He could continue to be the bad guy and his knights could walk behind him to mend your broken body and broken heart, until you truly submitted. But as Kylo sat there, observing your light and friendly attitude, he sensed something strange. Something had changed inside of you, something bad was growing. Not the good type of bad that meant you were submitting to the dark side but rather the type of bad that told Kylo you had officially decided to hate him. 

•••

"I'm hungry," you announced, eyes scanning the room for something to eat. 

Dammit, I knew I was forgetting something, Kylo thought to himself. He had forgotten to feed you. Kylo stood from his chair stepping closer to you. 

"There's no food in here, come with me."

"But I want to stay," you whined, crossing your arms and pouting up at him. 

"It's time to go," Kylo ordered, crossing his arms decisively.

"Fine," but you stayed in your seat. 

Kylo stared down at you, waiting for you to move. "Fine?" His tone warned you not to test him. 

You rolled your eyes, finally getting out of the chair. "Fine."

Kylo led you from the room, marching back toward his quarters. 

When he entered his chambers he walked into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator to find you something to eat. He could sense you close by, trying to be discreet about searching through the kitchen drawers. He felt the conflict going on inside of you. He could see the torrent of thoughts in your mind, all conflicting and fighting to be at the forefront of your brain. He could sense that you had found what you were searching for, footsteps slowly nearing him, breathing shaky and shallow. He heard the argument going on in your brain, one side begging to do whatever it took to gain your freedom and the other deeply afraid of violence; and he could almost see a small bit of something else. Something he couldn't quite identify. He could almost see every step you were taking, hyperaware of your intentions. He felt your hand raise above your head, aiming for his shoulder blade and just when you were about to bring it down, he willed you to be frozen in place. 

"Do you really want to do that?" 

Kylo continued searching through the fridge, keeping his back to you. He continued this uncaring stance until he heard your deep exhale of defeat as you let the knife clatter to the floor. He finally turned around, bending down to pick up the steak knife you had been holding. He examined it and then your face, watching as your emotions flipped from fear to sadness every few seconds. You shook violently, tears forming lines down your face and onto the floor. 

"You know," he took a step closer causing you to whimper in fear. "I have been trying to help you, to make up for torturing you. But you just can't seem to change." He ran the knife over his gloved hands. "So tell me," he moved towards you, pressing the knife firmly against your neck, "why I shouldn't follow Snoke's orders and just end you right here?"

You were trying to keep a brave face but the quiver of your lip gave away just how on edge you were. 

"I just want to go home," you whispered, eyes trying desperately to find a soul in him. 

But Kylo had no soul. "You are too good for Naboo, why can't you see that? The potential you have," he waved his free hand in the air to emphasize his point. "Even Snoke said so himself."

"I don't want that," you shivered. 

"Then I have no use of you."

Kylo pushed the knife further into your neck watching as blood spilled from the incision he had made. 

"Wait," you gasped. "I have something you want!" 

"What?" Kylo growled as he pulled away just enough for you to be able to speak. 

"I..." Another wave of tears rolled down your face as you struggled to tell him what you had planned to keep a secret. "I remembered something... from my childhood."

Kylo stared at you, trying to tell if you were lying or not. 

You shivered at his unwavering silence, including desperately, "I'm not lying you can check." You winced, preparing for him to dig through your mind. 

But Kylo believed you. And despite the overwhelming urge to run the steak knife over your neck just to watch you choke on your own blood, Kylo removed it from your neck. He leaned against the kitchen counter, placing the knife beside him. He crossed his arms, watching as you shuddered and trembled, struggling with the conflict still existing in your mind, completely helpless as he kept you planted to the ground with his force hold. 

"What did you remember?"

You sniffled, letting out a few small noises that were either coughs or hiccups. "A woman... I don't know who she is but she was laughing and- I felt like I knew her. I felt like I was safe with her."

Kylo thought for a moment. "Was she your mother?"

"I- I don't know..." Your eyes dropped to the floor, examining the tile in embarrassment. "I don't know what that feels like."

"But you will learn," Kylo decided. 

"I will?" You looked up at him and Kylo knew you were searching for a person behind his mask. 

"Supreme Leader Snoke has no need for an apprentice who will not submit. He wants me to kill you."

"Are you going to?" You looked at him with eyes that were almost hopeful. 

Kylo paused, examining your body language and features, considering the question you had presented. His cold black heart was, for some reason, screaming at him to protect you at all costs. But his brain knew that he must stay the monster, partially because that was all he knew how to be. 

"Maybe one day, but not today," he decided audibly. "Right now I need your mind and I am going to take it."

"You can't have it," you sniffed, trying your best to stare him down through your red, tear stained eyes. 

"Oh but I can," he sneered. Because you are mine now. I own you."

•••

Kylo entered your cell, rolling his eyes at how you were pretending to be asleep. The last few days had been futile. He hadn't been able to dig up any more memories and he knew you were tired of the pain. He watched you, while leaning against the doorway, as you continued to fake being asleep. 

"I know you are awake," Kylo finally spoke. 

Your eyes opened but they didn't acknowledge Kylo's presence, they simply stared at the ceiling. The emptiness you were experiencing was so potent that it made Kylo feel as if he too had been drained for everything he had. He took a step toward you watching as you flinched involuntarily but kept your eyes trained blankly on the ceiling. Kylo held out his hand to you and your eyes shifted to observe it before going back to the ceiling, ignoring his gesture. 

"Come," Kylo curled his fingers in and out, gesturing for you to take his hand. 

Where are we going?

You didn't have the strength to speak to him but Kylo heard the words in your mind. 

"You need a change in scenery."

You finally turned your head to look at him, examining his body language to try and decide what his true intentions were. You rolled your eyes but took his hand. Kylo pulled you up and then let go of your hand, leading you from the cell. He hadn't been planning on taking you anywhere but after seeing your despondent features he had decided it was best that you get out of your cell. He led you down the halls until he reached his quarters. He walked through the door, waiting for you to catch up with him. You trudged inside, eyeing him warily but still saying nothing. Kylo rolled his eyes, knowing you were being silent out of nothing but pure spite. 

"Sit down," he ordered you, gesturing toward the couch. 

You reluctantly obeyed, frowning as you plopped onto the couch. Kylo cocked his head, examining your face and then your body, watching as you squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. 

"Are you hungry?" Kylo broke the silence. 

But you remained silent, face falling into a scowl. 

"Are you hungry?" Kylo repeated calmly. 

But you still did not answer. 

Kylo stepped closer, reaching his hand out towards your head. You flinched but instead of laying his hand on your forehead, he placed it against your cheek, gently pulling up your chin so you were forced to look at his mask, unknowingly staring into his eyes. 

"I can't help you if you won't talk to me, prisoner," he remarked evenly. 

Kylo could almost taste the conflict going on inside of you. Part of you wanted to lean into his touch, this being the only contact you had received in a significant amount of time. The other side of you was screaming to bite at his gloved hand to get him off of you. You listened to neither side when you finally answered. 

"Do you really have to call me that? Do you really have to remind me how bleak my life is?"

You leaned away from his hand, pulling your knees to your chest and molding into the couch. 

"What would you like me to call you?"

You paused as if contemplating. 

"I'd like to know what you want. Why did you bring me here?" 

Kylo straightened and moved to sit in the arm chair that sat across from the couch. 

"I have gotten nowhere in finding new memories and I believe it is because you don't trust me. I want you to trust me."

You looked at him as if he had just said the dumbest thing in the galaxy. "Why would I ever trust you?"

"In time," Kylo decided. "I believe you will. Right now you simply need to give in. Stop fighting against me and let me into your mind."

"If I do that," you edged, "it won't hurt as much?"

"Yes."

"Fine."

"Fine?" Kylo asked, surprised at your response. 

"Fine. I'll try."

Kylo stood and moved towards you. 

"Lie down," he instructed and you obeyed. 

You spread out on the couch, lashes fluttering as you watched Kylo come closer to you. He kneeled in front of your face, watching as you fought with yourself to remain calm. He placed his hand on your forehead and, as gently as possible, entered your mind. He started searching through the white abyss as he normally did, finding it easier to search because you were not resisting. Not long into his search, however, you freaked out and began fighting against his hold on your mind. Kylo fought to stay inside but he was afraid of hurting you too much. He finally pulled out and you shot up, panting heavily. 

"You won't even trust me when I am trying to help you?" Kylo watched as your expression turned from shock to anger. 

"Of course I don't trust you," you growled, still trembling from the experience. "You won't even take that ugly thing off around me," you gestured to his mask. "Why would I ever trust you?" You repeated, standing abruptly and walking towards the door. 

"Where are you going?" Kylo asked, making no attempt to go after you. 

"Back to my cell," you declared as you punched the button to open the door and stepped into the hall. 

Kylo willed the door to stay open as he waited. Finally, he heard a loud thud and sighed, standing up and walking into the hallway. He found you not even ten steps from the door, passed out on the floor. Kylo leaned down and picked you up, carrying you back into his room and placing you on his bed, watching as your body molded perfectly into his mattress. As he watched your chest rise and fall peacefully, he decided it was time for him to tear down some of his walls.


	12. Discovering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Hold Me Down-Halsey]

You were never safe. Not anymore, at least. Not since Kylo Ren became the subject of your thoughts, and worse, your dreams. Most of them included you saving him from himself, something you knew he desperately needed. And those dreams were fine. You had the awful habit of trying to fix people so it didn't surprise you that you would have an inescapable need to help Kylo Ren. But the dreams you had recently begun having were much worse. Sometimes the only obsession of your mind was deciding what Kylo Ren looked like under all of that black clothing. Some minuscule part of your brain was desperate to know. It was much more than wanting to see his face. You wanted to see everything. You wanted to see who he was behind the dark and threatening persona he had created. You wanted to see him vulnerable. All of these wants translated into some very mischievous thoughts that manifested graphically in your sleep. You were having one of those dreams before it ended suddenly and you awoke with a start. You opened your eyes and looked around. The walls were black instead of metal gray; small, black bedside tables sat to your left and right; even the ceiling was more detailed than you remembered. You realized you weren't in your cell. You fidgeted nervously, trying to decide where you were. Your hands ran over the silk sheets you lay upon, fingers lingering over the softness. You were completely spread out on someone's bed. But who's bed were you in?

"Good morning."

You nearly jumped out of your skin as Kylo Ren's voice vibrated through the room. "What the fuck?"

You sat up, timidly scanning the room to find the owner of the voice. You calmed down as your eyes rested on the back of his masked head, sitting at the small desk in his room. "Oh, it's just you."

"Yes, my dear," his voice hinted at sarcasm. "Sorry to disappoint." He continued to stare down at the documents in his hands. 

You crinkled your nose. "Okay that's worse than prisoner. You are terrible at names."

"You are one to talk; you named your cat Grass." Kylo calmly retorted. 

You frowned at him, staring daggers straight into the back of his head. 

"Grass is a great name you big mass of pessimism. Do you ever feel any other emotion besides anger, frustration, and rage?"

Kylo finally turned around to look you in the eyes. "Am I feeling any of those emotions right now?"

He wasn't. He was calm and... nervous?

"No," you huffed. 

"Then yes. I do, in fact, feel other emotions."

"You know I hate you right?"

"Ah yes, the knife you attempted to insert into my shoulder blade made that abundantly clear." He cocked his head to the side, obviously making fun of you. "Too bad you failed."

"You are a smug son of a bitch," you glared at him, ignoring the fact that you were still wrapped in his sheets.

"And you are hungry," he declared, standing and walking out of the bedroom. 

You sighed in frustration and fell back into the bed, doing your best to ignore him and fall back to sleep. But Kylo Ren would not let you have that luxury. 

"Come here," he ordered calmly but loud enough so he knew you would hear him. 

"No," you yelled back at him, rolling over and covering your head with a pillow, Kylo's scent entering your nostrils. From what you could tell, he just smelled clean. His sheets were in immaculate condition and his room perfectly organized. You would never admit it, but you were finding his scent to be extremely comforting. 

"I won't ask again."

You groaned but sat back up in the bed, deciding to obey while annoying him in the process. You wrapped the comforter around your body and pulled it off the bed, letting the excess trail behind you as you walked out of the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" Kylo Ren's mask rested on the heavy blanket wrapped around your body. 

You smirked, "I'm standing in the kitchen, just like you asked."

"With my comforter?" His hands rolled into fists, obviously annoyed by your form of protest. 

You wrapped the blanket tighter around yourself defensively. "I was cold." You batted your eyelashes at him. 

Kylo let out a huff. "You know I hate you right?"

You smiled at him, venom dripping from your mouth. "The feeling is mutual, my dear," you mocked him. 

And then you were against the fridge. Kylo Ren's hands slammed into your shoulder blades, pinning you against the hard metal, buzzing as it chilled whatever was inside. You gasped, losing your hold on the blanket as your arms were forced back. You struggled to maintain steady breathing, trying your best to seem unaffected. 

Kylo's voice was low and menacing. "I could kill you right now. With the snap of my fingers I could break your neck in two."

"But you won't," you responded bravely despite the fear growing in your chest in addition to another feeling... no. You pushed the thought out of your head. "You need me," you spat. 

"No, I don't. I could kill you right now and not feel a single ounce of regret." He pushed his hands further into your upper chest, forcing your body to completely connect with the cold metal. 

"Then do it." Your words surprised you, but you realized you meant them. "What do I have to live for?"

Kylo Ren stammered at a response but was saved from giving a real answer when there was a knock on the door. He pulled away from you and went to answer the door. You strained to hear the hushed tones but the only word you could make out was Snoke. You shuddered at the mention of his name. You would never admit this to his face but Kylo Ren truly was the lesser of two evils. 

"Watch the girl," you heard Kylo say. "And keep her out of my stuff."

You grinned, that wasn't going to happen. 

"Do I look like a babysitter to you? Absolutely not."

"Then call for my knights, I don't care. Just do not leave her alone." 

"Very well."

And with that, the door to Kylo Ren's chambers closed. You moved so you could peak down the hallway at the entrance. Your gaze settled on a certain annoying red-head who turned to acknowledge your staring. 

"Come here little girl," General Hux beckoned to you. 

You rolled your eyes but took a few steps towards him. "I'm like a few years younger than you, General Bugs." 

"It's Hux," he enunciated, frowning

You grinned, "nah, I like Bugs."

Hux rolled his eyes. "If I was Commander Ren I would have killed you by now."

You ignored his comment, already tired of his presence. "Can you leave? I'll be good, I promise. I'll stay right there," you pointed to the couch, "until he comes back."

Hux sniffed, obviously contemplating your request. 

"Please?" You batted your lashes, giving him the most gut-wrenching doe eyes you could manage. 

"Fine. But don't try anything. There will be two of Kylo Ren's knights stationed outside the door."

You gave him a toothy grin. "Okay!"

You immediately plopped on the couch as a show of good faith. Hux rolled his eyes and stomped out of Kylo Ren's chambers. You smiled and stood up, going back into the kitchen. Kylo Ren had been right, you were hungry. You opened the mostly empty cabinets until you found a container filled with protein bars. You took one and unwrapped it, taking a bite as you scanned the kitchen for anything interesting. You wandered around, opening various drawers and finding the drawer that had previously contained the steak knives, empty. How rude, you thought. You picked up the comforter that was still lying at it's place of abandonment by the fridge. You finished the power bar and threw away the trash, walking out of the kitchen and into the living room. You tossed the comforter on the sofa and continued towards his bedroom. You looked through his desk but found nothing of use. Kylo's closet was no luck either. Why was everything so perfect? You hated it, it felt so fake and impersonal. Finally giving up in your fruitless search, you trudged back into the living room. Given that there was nothing to do, you figured it was best to just sleep until Kylo got back. You sat on the couch and wrapped the comforter around you, laying down and falling asleep almost immediately. 

•••

Massive waves of intense energy woke you from your nap. You sat up, expecting to see Kylo Ren but he wasn't there. You knew it had to be him; no one else was capable of feeling emotions so extreme that you could sense them from a distance away. You realized that he was growing closer as the mix of anger, fear, sadness, and feral rage grew louder and more distinguishable. You pulled the comforter to your chest, staring over it in fear of what would happen when he entered. He was getting closer and closer by the minute and you held your breath when you could hear his footsteps nearing the door. You wanted to hide, or run away, or be anywhere but here. Kylo Ren had never felt like this before and it scared you as you wondered what had happened. You stared at the space where the door met the ground, watching as it shot up, revealing Kylo Ren. Your eyes traveled from the floor up, noticing that he was carrying his mask in his hand. He turned towards the kitchen before you could see his face, promptly lodging his fist into the wall. You watched as he pulled off his gloves, flinging them away before continuing to dent the wall until drops of blood fell from his hands. 

Your body went into overdrive. The only thought in your head was that he was bleeding and he needed help. You got off the couch, tiptoeing closer to him but still keeping a safe distance. 

"Kylo?" You whispered timidly. 

Kylo spun, igniting his lightsaber to point it at you. 

Your mouth practically fell open in shock. He was absolutely gorgeous. You noticed his eyes first. They were a beautiful brown that reminded you of the leaves on the trees of Naboo or the way the sunlight glinted through your window in the evenings. You moved your focus to his mouth which had tiny lines on either side that told you he had laughed before. And then you saw the bruised skin on his cheek. It was purple and blue as if he had been hit by something. You had the overwhelming urge to trace over it but managed to keep your hands to yourself. Kylo's features relaxed when he realized you were not an intruder. He lowered his weapon, allowing it to extinguish before placing it back on his belt. But you were still frozen, awestruck that your enemy could be so beautiful. He truly was the devil. 

Eyes wild with fury, Kylo tried to control his breathing as he spoke. "I- I forgot you were in here."

He ran his hands through his hair as another earthquake of emotions hit him, the aftershocks shaking you to your core. The only thing your mind could think to do was help him. You needed to fix this, you had to fix this. 

"What happened?"

Kylo paced toward the table, sinking into one of the metal chairs and placing his head in his hands. You kneeled beside him, looking up at his chiseled chin and trying to catch his eyes. But he wouldn't budge. You decided to give him some space so you tiptoed into the bathroom, digging in the cabinet for a washcloth. Once you found one, you turned on the sink, changing the setting to produce warm water. You ran the towel under the water until it was completely saturated. You then squeezed the excess water out and exited the bathroom, walking back towards Kylo. You pulled the other chair around so you and Kylo were only separated by the corner of the table. 

"Give me your hand," you instructed him calmly, reaching for his right hand which was dripping blood from where he had destroyed the wall. 

Kylo looked up, eyes studying you in confusion as he reluctantly surrendered his hand to you. You ran the washcloth over his bloodied knuckles as slowly as possible, making sure to get any shards of metal out. Kylo had calmed down significantly, enough that you thought it was safe to repeat your question. 

"What happened?" 

You made your voice as even as possible, trying not to scare him away. 

"It was nothing, just an argument."

You raised your eyebrows, but kept your focus on his hand. "An argument where you ended up with a black eye? That doesn't sound like nothing to me."

"It's none of your concern."

"How do you know? I might be able to help you."

"I said it's none of your concern," Kylo repeated firmly. 

You looked up from your work on his knuckles, gazing into his eyes incredulously. 

"Isn't that the whole point of me being on this stupid starship? To help you? So let me help you."

"I don't need your help."

Kylo stood abruptly, yanking his hand away from you and stomping into his room, slamming the door behind him.

You stared at the door, still in shock. You shook yourself out of it, frowning at the way he had refused to accept your help. You had tried to be nice and mellow but he refused to be anything but an ill-tempered bitch. You stood from the table and went to lay on the couch. You knew you would not be able to fall asleep. Between your long nap and the excitement that had just occurred, you would be up all night.


	13. And Destroying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Harder to Breathe-Maroon 5]  
> [Emperor’s New Clothes-Panic! at the Disco]

"Let me help you."

Your words replayed over and over in Kylo's head as he lay on his bed, still fully clothed and staring at the ceiling. He was repeating every mistake he had made over and over in his mind. He had accidentally let his guard down. He had let himself be vulnerable. He had let you see someone besides the monster. He had taken off his mask. 

I'm such an idiot, Kylo told himself at least a million times. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have let you see him like that? But Kylo didn't know. He didn't know why he felt so safe around you. He didn't know why, every time you were near him, his demons seemed to run and hide. He didn't want to admit it, but Kylo did need your help. He had an enormous decision to make, one that could change the course of the galaxy  
forever. The only person who knew the answer to his question was you. 

Despite the eery calmness that accompanied your presence, Kylo knew there was no chance of him going to sleep. He grew restless, unable to lay there any longer. Kylo sat up and swung his legs off the edge of the bed, rising as quietly as possible. He grabbed his mask from his desk and exited his room, glancing over to see the gentle rise and fall of your chest. Anger washed over him as he turned towards the chamber door. He hated the way you made him feel. Kylo needed to clear his head. He put his mask on and walked out of the room, the bright lights of the Finalizer practically blinding him. Kylo stomped down the halls, disregarding the workers who were beginning their shift or leaving for the night. He continued through the sectors until he finally got to the observation deck. Kylo stood in front of the glass window that gave him a view of the hangar below. Engineers were working late making adjustments to a couple of damaged TIE-Fighters. Sparks were flying and Kylo could feel the vibrations of the drills being used. He focused on the image below, doing his best to push everything else out of his mind. 

But he couldn't stop his head from replaying the events that had occurred in the throne room. Snoke had found out you were awake, something Kylo had been keeping a secret by hiding you in both your cell and his room. The Supreme Leader had discovered that Kylo had not killed you upon finding out your unwillingness to submit. Snoke was angry to say the least. He accused Kylo of being weak and threatened him severely. When Kylo had tried to lash out, Snoke had summoned Kylo's lightsaber from his hand, forcing it against Kylo's face so hard that the skin around his eye had bruised. That's why when you had asked him what happened, he froze. He couldn't be seen as weak. He had to be powerful, and Snoke was now in the way of his goals. He knew what he wanted to do, what he had to do, he just didn't know what would happen after. Would the First Order fall apart? Would Kylo be respected as the Supreme Leader? Kylo shook himself out of his daze, unable to wait for the answers any longer. He turned away from the glass, heading down the halls back toward his chambers. When he pressed the button to open the door, he was greeted by your figure, sitting at the kitchen table. The expression on your face was one of a mother who had been waiting up for her child that had missed curfew by a few hours. Kylo stepped through the door, allowing it to close behind him and darkness to wash over his features. 

"Where did you go?" You crossed your arms and glared at him. 

"It's none of your concern. I thought you were asleep."

"I don't think anyone can sleep soundly when they have someone stomping around like a fucking Falumpaset."

"Watch it," Kylo warned you, hands clenching to avoid retaliating. 

"Watch what?" Your voice was coated with honey as you batted your eyelashes innocently. 

Kylo paced toward you, grabbing your chin and squeezing your jaw tightly. Your mouth popped open as you winced in pain. 

"Watch your mouth," he growled. "Do you understand?"

You nodded as best you could but Kylo wouldn't take that as an answer. "What was that? You're going to have to use your words my dear."

"Yes, Commander," you slurred. 

Kylo let go of your jaw, backing away to sit in the chair across from you. 

"I need your powers."

"You mean you need my help?"

"If that's what makes you feel better, sure."

You rolled your eyes. "What do you want?"

"I have a very serious decision to make."

You raised your eyebrows at him, crossing your arms. "I'm not answering your question unless you take off your mask."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Then I cannot help you," you leaned back in your chair, acting as if the conversation was finished. 

"Fine."

"Fine?" You sat back forward, squinting at him. 

Kylo reached for the latches on either side of his helmet, pressing them and then pulling it off his head. "Fine."

Kylo stared you down, using his piercing eyes to his advantage. 

"What is your question?" You stuttered, obviously entranced. 

"The Supreme Leader, remember him?"

You shuddered and nodded, obviously reliving your interaction with him. 

"If he were to die, what would be the consequences?"

"As opposed to living?"

"Precisely," Kylo leaned forward, mouth twisting into a small smile at the idea of committing homicide. 

You eyed him cautiously then went into a daze. Kylo had seen you do this before when Hux had asked for your help so he waited patiently for your answer. You snapped out of your daze, beginning to pant slightly as your eyes turned slightly wild. 

"What? What is it?"

You grabbed his hands, forcing him to look into your eyes as you emphasized your next words. "You have to kill the bastard."

•••

"I'm giving you a list of things I want after this and I expect every last item to be checked off."

You shifted nervously as you stood next to Kylo in the elevator, wrists constricted by handcuffs. 

Kylo smirked and tsked at you. "So needy," he teased. You glared at him and he rolled his eyes. "I will consider your requests. But only if we can pull this off. Do you remember what I told you?"

You nodded. "I need to be afraid because fear will mask my true thoughts."

"Precisely."

"Okay. I can do this."

"You also need to pretend like you hate me."

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. "Oh, please. I don't have to pretend. Just because I'm helping you doesn't mean I wouldn't still shove a knife into your shoulder blade if I got the chance."

Kylo sneered, just in time for the elevator doors to open. Kylo placed his hand on your back, shoving you forward forcefully. 

Bitch, he heard you think to yourself. 

"So you survived," Snoke spoke, frowning at you. 

You nodded, refusing to speak. Snoke leaned forward to study your face. 

"Why are you so afraid, little girl? Are you scared of being tortured again?"

You stood completely still, mouth pursed in a worried expression. 

"Not to worry little one, you won't live long enough to feel real pain." He turned to address Kylo. "It is time to prove yourself. Prove to me that you are as powerful as you say. Prove that you are worthy of being my apprentice!"

Kylo swallowed the lump in his throat, nodding reverently. "Yes, master."

Kylo ignited his saber, walking in front of you so that his back was to Snoke. He pointed it at you and raised it over his head, ready to strike you down. He was just about to bring it down when you cried out. 

"Wait! Wait, please! I'll submit! I'll submit, please!"

Kylo's sword stopped inches from your face. He turned to give Snoke a questioning glance. Snoke reached his hand toward you, using the Force to pull you into his grip. Kylo extinguished his saber, watching the events play out. He stepped forward turning to stand by Snoke and placing his saber on the armrest of the throne. Kylo watched calmly as you winced and shuddered under Snoke's Force hold, eyes wide with fear. 

"You think you can submit now? After all this time? No, child. It is too late."

"Please," you gasped. "Please, I'll do anything."

Snoke sat for a second, thinking quietly before deciding, "no."

His hand tightened into a fist, using the Force to choke you. Kylo watched as you brought your hands to your throat, gasping as you struggled to breathe. He did his best to silence the voices in his head, screaming at him to help you. He just needed to wait a little longer. 

"Finish her," Snoke ordered, releasing his grip on you. 

Kylo stepped around you so that his back was to Snoke. Kylo held his hand out, watching as you gasped for breath yet again, a pleading look in your eyes. He tightened his fist, making it clear that he wanted to kill you. You were becoming frailer by the second, body growing limp from oxygen deprivation, so close to the gentle hands of death. 

And then Kylo did it. He heard the sound of his lightsaber igniting behind him, heard the grunt that escaped Snoke's mouth when it made contact with his body, heard the sound of Snoke falling to the ground, severed at the waist. Kylo released his choke hold, reaching out to catch you before you fell. Suddenly, the red knights ignited their weapons and began running towards him. Kylo quickly layed you across the throne, grabbing his lightsaber and slashing it across the first knight that got too close. Kylo used the high ground to his advantage, swiping down on a knight and forcing it into two of its counterparts, sending them across the room. He had only two knights left to deal with, both ready for a fight. Kylo went right first, easily striking down that knight, but was attacked by the other immediately when he turned. The last knight had a wip of sorts that he struck Kylo across the face with. Kylo flinched his eye closed just in time but continued fighting, his adrenaline prevented him from feeling any pain. Kylo deflected the knight's attacks, trying to make a successful counterattack but failing. The knight cracked his wip, making it fly around Kylo's lightsaber. The knight pulled it out of Kylo's hand, making it fly across the room. Kylo grew angry, using the force to push the man into the wall so hard that he could hear the knight's bones crack as he collapsed to the ground. Kylo looked around the room, taking in the death and destruction. He walked over to where his saber lay and picked it up. 

"Kylo?"

Kylo turned around at the sound of your voice, watching as you struggled to sit up but were unsuccessful. He paced over to you, catching you right before you fell off the throne. 

"I'm fine," you protested, batting him away. 

Kylo set you back on the throne watching as you still struggled to catch your breath. You extended your arm to touch his face, running your hand across the cut running along his face.

"Did you win?"

"Yes, my dear, we won."

You glared at him, finally finding the strength to sit up. 

"I don't like when you call me that."

"Then I will do it more often," Kylo smirked. 

•••

"Okay before you say no, hear me out."

"No."

Kylo stared down at you, smirking as you glared at him. 

"All I want is a job. If I have to stay on this kriffing ship I might as well be useful!"

"Okay, I will train you and then you can be an assassin."

"No!"

"Then no."

"You know I fucking hate you, right?"

Kylo watched as you turned and stormed out of the throne room, two of his knights following behind you. You would definitely give him the silent treatment for that one. It was your bee favorite thing to do when you got mad. It was the only thing you could truly hold over Kylo. He didn't like it when you were quiet. 

The elevator reopened and Hux walked into the throne room. Kylo frowned. He'd rather you have stayed so he didn't have to deal with Hux. He gave Kylo an awkward bow. 

"I came to report on..."

"What do you want?" Kylo asked at the same time. 

"Well..."

"Spit it out."

"One of the star ships in our fleet was... destroyed by the Resistance."

Kylo's fists clenched. "Any survivors?"

"Yes. They are all extremely wounded but were brought here to be treated."

"And the Resistance?"

"They got away."

"General Organa?"

"Leading the incessant pack."

"I want her dead."

Hux raised his eyebrows. "Your mother?"

Kylo scoffed. "I have no mother."

Hux's features hardened, setting into a determined frown. "Then so be it."


	14. Black and White

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Everything I Wanted-Billie Eilish]  
> [Delicate-Taylor Swift]

You were left to fend for yourself in Kylo's quarters. You hadn't physically seen him in what felt like years but had really been a few days. Turns out the demon gets busier when he overthrows the devil. 

You wondered when you would see Kylo again, no, you weren't supposed to care. Despite helping him get rid of Snoke, Kylo was still your enemy. But was he really? 

You sighed and stared intently at the metal ceiling above you. You were laying on the couch, bored out of your mind. You had already searched every inch of Kylo's quarters, besides the door at the end of the hallway that wouldn't budge. You had found nothing useful, his chambers were incredibly boring. 

For someone so evil, Kylo Ren kept everything extremely perfect. The silverware were perfectly polished, the floor was carefully waxed, and the bathroom was scrubbed clean. You had never seen anyone come in here to clean and no one had entered since you began to stay in his quarters. Of course, you tried your best to mess up the perfection of his quarters, leaving a weeks worth of dishes in the sink and using your boots to scuff his floors. 

You spent most of your time trying to rack your brain for new memories, coming up empty handed every time. You would never admit it, but after you had given up on trying to conjure your missing memories, your mind would wander to other things. The other things being Kylo Ren. 

At first, your mind considered simple thoughts like what he must be doing since he hadn't returned to his quarters. You decided that he had to be on some sort of mission and wasn't even on the spacecraft. You couldn't explain it at the time, but for some reason you felt as if you could no longer sense him; like something was missing. After you had exhausted simple subjects, your mind wandered to more sensitive topics. First of all, there was a small part of your brain that felt as if you had seen Kylo before. It was a stupid thought, and you shook it off almost immediately, but it still remained in the back of your mind; like an itch you couldn't quite scratch. The next thought in your mind was: where would you sleep when Kylo returned? You had been sleeping in his bed, for comfort purposes only and definitely not because it smelled like him. Of course, the most obvious solution was that you would sleep on the couch but compared to Kylo's bed, the couch was mediocre at best. 

Your dreams had been worse than your thoughts. In your sleep you could see him vividly. Your brain would conjure scenarios in which you could run your hands through his soft, raven hair or wrap your arms around his large torso and pull him closer to you. It was absolutely cruel. Occasionally, you would be thrown into this state of lucid dreaming where all you could see were emotions. You were sure they were Kylo's because they were extremely potent and mostly angry. 

You wondered how you were able to sense his emotions while he wasn't on the Finalizer. Was he thinking about you as much as you were thinking of him? Were his dreams haunting him throughout the day the way yours did? No, you shook the thought away and tried to focus on something less worrisome. You closed your eyes and pictured the fields of Naboo. You allowed yourself to pretend like you were back in your cottage, taking a nap in the spring meadows. A faint smile fought its way to your lips and you sighed, content for just a moment. 

That moment ended when your mind alerted you to a presence you hadn't felt in over a week. Kylo Ren had returned to the Finalizer. You shot up and looked around his chambers. Besides the dishes in the sink, it was basically how he had left it, save for the crinkled sheets and scuffed floors. You didn't have to time to do the dishes and you prayed he wouldn't kill you for messing up his perfect floors. His bed on the other hand, well, you had a feeling he would find that rather amusing. Your cheeks turned red at the thought. You were glad you had taken a shower earlier so you didn't smell or look like a complete wreck. 

You could almost see Kylo drawing closer to the door and you scooted to the corner of the couch, holding the blanket that had been on your lap tightly as you waited for the door to shoot open. 

After what felt like an eternity of waiting, the door finally opened and Kylo Ren entered, fully clothed and still wearing his mask. He strolled through the door and down the hallway towards the living room, stopping abruptly when he noticed you on the couch. You tried to get a good reading of his emotions but at the moment, he was indifferent, meaning you had no clue which side of Kylo you would get. 

You cautiously broke the silence, voice barely raising above a whisper. 

"Where did you go?"

Kylo placed his hands behind his back, stiffening as he replied. "I had to tie up a few loose ends. Not everyone was quick to respect my claim to the throne."

"Did you kill them?" You were being careful not to upset him in any way, but your curiosity was getting the best of you. 

Kylo was silent for a moment. "One," he finally replied. "It was a necessary casualty."

"I don't think any casualty is ever necessary," you whispered. 

"Careful," Kylo warned, stepping closer to you. 

You brought your knees to your chest, staring up at him nervously. "Can you take off your mask? Please?"

"Why?"

"I..." You averted your eyes, staring down at your hands. "I don't like it." The mask reminded you of the way Kylo had tortured you and your hand involuntarily moved to your shoulder where he had burned you. "Please," you whispered. 

It was dead silent for a few moments and you examined your hands as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Your head finally shot up when you heard the sound of the mechanisms in his mask disengaging. Kylo pulled off his helmet and placed it in the arm chair to his right. 

You accidentally sucked in a deep breath when he turned back to face you. You couldn't help it, every time you saw him it was like you were seeing him for the first time. The beautiful black hair, the soft brown eyes, the smooth jawline... 

You noticed that he had dark circles around his eyes and frowned. 

"When was the last time you slept?"

Kylo averted his gaze. "I don't remember."

"You need to sleep, Kylo."

Kylo frowned. "Why do you care?"

You quickly thought of an answer that didn't go along the lines of possibly caring for your kidnapper. "Because if you die I have to deal with Hux and I do not have the strength to resist stabbing him in the abdomen multiple times."

Kylo smirked at that. 

"As much as I would like to obey your request, I have to leave soon. I only came by to shower and..."

He stared into your eyes so intently that you were almost sure he could see your soul.

"...to make sure you hadn't completely destroyed my chambers."

"Well I didn't... as long as you don't look in the kitchen... But I promise I'll clean it up," you added quickly. 

Kylo smirked but ignored your admission as he turned to examine the room. He looked down at the floor and you swallowed thickly. 

"Did you... scuff my floors?" 

"I got bored," you muttered, returning your focus to your hands. 

Kylo glanced into his room and you could tell he was fighting the urge to smirk again. 

"You could have at least made the bed, since you felt the need to sleep in it."

"I thought you said you needed to shower," you changed the subject, trying to hide the blush in your cheeks. 

"Did I say that?" 

Kylo's teasing flustered you, causing you to shift nervously. You frowned. 

"Yes you did say that. I think your exact word were 'I have no respect for myself so I'm not going to sleep but I am going to take a shower so I only smell a little bad'," you replied in a bored but sarcastic tone. 

"Someone's in a mood." Kylo leaned against the wall by the door to his bedroom, watching you intently. 

"You would be too if you were forced to stay in this boring room. I thought I was going to go insane."

"Would you prefer the cell?"

"Kylo go take a shower and leave so I can go back to being bored out of my mind," you sighed in exasperation. 

Kylo smirked but obeyed your order, disappearing into the bathroom without another word.

•••

The next week was less grueling than the ones before. Kylo had left behind all his knights except for Vicrul and allowed them to entertain you as best they could. You liked how a group of murderers suddenly went soft when you were around. Part of you wondered how much of their kindness came from choice and how much was ordered by their master. 

Within the first two days, you had already convinced Ap'lek and Kuruk to help you steal Hux's cat. Trudgen had been able to scrounge up some food that was better than the mush served in the cafeteria. Cardo had found you a hairbrush upon your request and you had been able to tame your hair enough to put it into two braids. You had managed to coax a few details about Kylo out of Ushar; mostly just small facts. According to Ushar, Kylo was skilled in calligraphy, a basically dead art, had a study filled with books from all around the galaxy, and was a bit of a clean freak. The knights admitted that they had noticed it about Kylo. He needed everything to be a specific way and in a certain order. And everything had to be pristine. You wondered where this obsession came from, but didn't think too hard about it.

You were back in Kylo's quarters now; his knights had left you there a few hours ago. They had been instructed to meet him in the throne room when he returned. You didn't know how, but you could sense him the second he set foot on the Finalizer again. It felt as if you had been walking around in a coma but you suddenly awoke when he arrived. You wondered when he'd actually come back to his room and decided to take a shower on the off chance that it would be tonight. 

Your position on top of the kitchen counter was abandoned as you jumped down and scurried to the bathroom. After turning on the shower, you quickly removed your clothing and entered the shower. You realized that you were breathing faster than normal. There was no reason to be nervous, so why were you? Shaking your head, you began to wash your body. You allowed yourself to imagine that you were still on Naboo, a toxic coping mechanism you had been indulging in lately. As you washed your hair, you pretended you were back in your cottage on Naboo, dying but at peace with it. You were so caught up in your daze, you didn't hear the door to Kylo's quarters open. A rap at the bathroom startled you. You frowned. It wasn't Kylo, you would have been able to sense his emotions. 

"Who is it?" You called timidly. 

"It's Hux. I've been instructed to retrieve you."

You looked down at the conditioner in your hands that you were about to work through your hair. "Now?"

"Now."

"Dammit," you muttered to yourself. "Okay I just need a few minutes," you called. 

You quickly conditioned your hair and rinsed it out, jumping out of the shower immediately after. You hadn't brought your clothing in the room and you looked around for something to wear besides the towel currently covering your body. You noticed the t-shirt you had borrowed from Kylo's closet that you had worn when the staff had forgotten to bring you clothes. You threw on the t-shirt and ran the towel through your hair before opening the door and heading into Kylo's room to find the lounge pants that Cardo had found, well stole, for you. You slipped those on and exited the room, frowning when you found Hux on the couch. 

"If he knew you were sitting on his couch, the Supreme Leader would be very angry," you stated as calmly as possible. 

"He's always angry," Hux replied. He stood from his seat and beckoned for you to follow him out the door. "Come on, we've already wasted enough time."

"Wait," you paused. "Where are we even going?"

"The Supreme Leader requests your presence in the throne room."


	15. Turn to Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Do I Wanna Know?-Arctic Monkeys]

"Why are you standing like that?"

Kylo stared down at you, observing the way you were crossing your arms over your chest, slightly hunched over. Your hair was still dripping from your shower and your cheeks were still pink from the heat. He realized you must have been in the middle of showering when he summoned you. 

You huffed in annoyance, obviously in a bad mood. "Because I'm not wearing a bra. When I heard knocking on my door I didn't realize I was going to be drug across the kriffing galaxy to come see you for no apparent reason."

Kylo frowned. "For someone who has been well treated, you are being very rude."

"Oh my bad," you rolled your eyes. "Did you want me to fall on the floor praising you for granting me basic human rights?"

"Yes."

"Well I'm not doing that."

Kylo's eyes traveled over your body, memorizing every bit of it. Your legs were covered by a black pair of lounge pants and your chest was covered by... was that his t-shirt? 

"Resorting to thievery now, are we?" He gestured to the shirt hanging loosely on your body. 

Kylo would never admit it, but he liked that you were wearing his t-shirt. There was something about it that made him feel like he owned you. Of course, you were his prisoner so he technically did, but it was a different type of ownership. It was almost like you... no... he couldn't entertain thoughts like that. 

"I wouldn't have to if your staff were competent," you retorted, trying to hide that your cheeks were reddening slightly. 

"Have you remembered anything new?" Kylo changed the subject. 

"No," you shook your head, averting your eyes to the perfectly waxed floors. 

Kylo watched as you shifted nervously from your place below him, your fear palpable. Kylo would definitely never admit it, but he hated when you were afraid. Especially of him. He knew that he had given you plenty of reasons to be afraid, but that was before he cared. Now he just wanted to keep you safe. 

Kylo leaned forward in his seat. "Come here."

You lifted your head and Kylo knew you were examining his emotions, trying to decide if it was safe. He did his best to remain calm, not wanting to scare you away. You finally gave in, taking small, cautious steps toward him. You stopped a few feet away from him and waited for him to say something. Kylo shook his head held out his hand, gesturing for you to keep going. 

"Come here," he repeated in a firm tone. 

You were shaking slightly as you neared him, anticipating that he was going to search your mind for memories. A look of surprise crossed your face when Kylo reached for your chin instead, calmly lifting it so you were forced to look into his eyes. 

"It wouldn't hurt if you would just trust me," he reiterated for what felt like the millionth time. 

Kylo stared into your beautiful eyes, trying to find any hint of what he was feeling reciprocated in you. 

"What is it going to take to get you to trust me?" He asked softly. "I've given you more freedom, I've taken off my mask, I have killed the person who tried to kill you..."

Your lip was quivering and you tried to look away, but Kylo wouldn't let you. He could tell you were struggling to decide whether or not to say what you were thinking. 

"Tell me," he ordered. 

"I- I don't know anything about you," you stammered. "You know literally everything about me but I have no idea who you even are."

Kylo sat back, crossing his arms and considering your statement. Was letting you know more about him worth it? Absolutely not. Well...

"Fine. What do you want to know?"

Your lips turned into the tiniest smile as you began rattling off questions. 

"Is Kylo Ren your real name?"

"Not the name I was born with, no."

"What's your real name?"

"Next question."

You frowned. "Fine. Parents?"

Kylo shook his head, unsure of how to answer that question without giving too much away. 

"Oh." Your face fell. "Dead?"

"One, yes," Kylo kept his voice even and uncaring. 

"Which one?"

"Father."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I killed him."

"You- what?" You stared at him in disbelief. "Why?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm pretty sure that man didn't even know what my favorite color was."

You raised your eyebrows at him, gesturing at his clothing. "Let me guess, black?"

Kylo scoffed. "No."

You eyed him disbelievingly. 

"Well, maybe," he amended. Kylo leaned forward, staring into your eyes. "And you act like I can remember every single thing I see in your mind. It all happens so fast, I have to focus on what I want to see."

"But you could see it. If you wanted to," you argued. "You could steal every single memory I have and I couldn't stop you. Don't you understand how scary that is?"

"Yes."

"And you still do it?"

"I'm a scary person, in case you haven't noticed," Kylo smirked, still staring into your eyes. 

"No, you're mainly just a bitch," you argued. 

"Careful," Kylo warned, voice low and even. "I don't think you want to make me angry."

"Oh no, Supreme Leader," your eyes glinted with mischief. "I would never."

Kylo's chest rose and fell, breathing heavily as he struggled to control his emotions, which were mainly lust and annoyance. 

"The last time you made me angry, you were shoved into a refrigerator," he breathed. "Is that what you want?"

"I want," you stared deeply into his eyes. "To go to sleep."

Kylo glared at you, trying to control the urge to grab you by the neck and pull you even closer to him. You were so close it would be so easy...

"Fine. You're free to go," he decided quickly before he could back out. "You can see yourself out."

Your gave him a confused expression. "Wha... You didn't want anything?"

"I wanted to make sure you weren't dead or anything. You're still my prisoner," he reminded you. 

"Aww," you teased. "Did you miss me?"

Kylo smirked. "What is there to miss? Your snoring?"

"Okay I'm leaving now," your lips formed into a small pout. "Cardo," you gestured towards one of Kylo's knights who were all standing reverently on either side of him. "Walk me out."

Cardo shifted his gaze to Kylo, silently asking for permission. Kylo gave an almost imperceptible nod and Cardo stepped forward, following you from the room. The second you were inside the elevator Vicrul shifted beside him, but Kylo held up a hand to silence him. 

"Don't start Vicrul."

Vicrul let out a breathy chuckle but stayed silent. Kylo brought one of his legs to his chest letting his head rest in his right hand. All the emotions he had worked so hard to suppress while you were here suddenly came rushing in, rendering him extremely unstable. 

"You are all dismissed," Kylo stated as calmly as possible, eye twitching slightly. 

"Master Ren," Vicrul began. 

"Go!"

The Knights of Ren filed out of the room, leaving Kylo alone with his thoughts. 

He sat there, brooding. How could someone so insignificant make him feel so much? Why did he want to offer you the world every time you got near him? When did he go from being a hardened murderer to wanting you in his bed every night?

Kylo would never admit it, but he did miss you. He missed you so much he had talked himself into summoning you to his lonely throne room, where he could constantly feel the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. 

"Dammit. Get it together," Kylo muttered to himself. 

He probably just needed food... or sleep. But Kylo hadn't been able to sleep when he was away. His demons were free to roam without your aura to drive them away. 

Kylo thought over all the things he had told you. Admitting he had killed his father was probably not the best idea, but just wait until you found out who his mother was. That would elicit at least a few laughs from you. Kylo's eyes grew heavy as he was comforted by the thought of you laughing. Before he could stop himself, he dozed off, giving into the darkness that was so inviting. 

•••

"Ren!"

Kylo shot up in his seat, slowly coming to his senses. Hux entered the throne room, stalking furiously towards Kylo. 

"Hux," Kylo replied sarcastically, trying not to make it obvious that he had been sleeping. "How may I help you?"

"The Resistance has escaped our grasp, yet again. They have discovered a new form of cloaking that we cannot track."

Kylo rolled his eyes, unsure of why this issue involved him. "Well then have our engineers figure it out."

"Yes, well, that's not all. One of our spies within the Resistance just made contact. They reported that General Organa has learned of you capturing the girl from Naboo. She has claimed to some of her closest confidants that she knows who the girl really is. Does this information mean anything to you?"

"Yes," Kylo confirmed. "It means I have to go to Naboo."

•••

Kylo had debated on whether or not he should take you, ultimately deciding against it given the nature of his mission. Plus, he worried bringing you to your home planet with no intention of allowing you to stay would hurt more than it would help. 

It was midnight on Naboo and the only source of light was the full moon to guide Kylo Ren's shadowy figure as he made his way up the steps of the marble building dedicated to Queen Amidala. Kylo stepped through the stone doors of the mausoleum and took in his grandmother's features. Queen Amidala was forever frozen in time, encased in her glass tomb. He hadn't ever wanted to come back here, to be reminded of the source of his grandfather's weakness and the ultimate source of his mother's life. Kylo moved to the back of the room, leaning into the corner that was left in the shadow, the only light in the room coming through the window in the middle. He watched calmly as a figure entered the room, closing the door behind them. 

"General," he acknowledged her presence evenly. "You are late."

"Ben," she frowned. "Would it kill you to call me mom?"

Kylo sneered, nostrils flaring. "You have always been merely your title to me," he replied evenly. "First Princess and then General... That's why you were never around right? The galaxy needed you to save it? Even in a time of peace?"

"And look what you've done," she shook her head sadly. "Brought another war. To spite me?"

"No, to beat you at your own game."

"What do you want, Ben?"

Kylo leaned forward, peering into the light to make eye contact with his mother. 

"I want you to tell me about the girl. Who are her parents?"

"Your prisoner?"

Kylo frowned. "Yes."

"And why would I do that? What does you knowing this information gain me?"

"The satisfaction of living through the night."

The General smiled calmly. "And yet, why does that feel like an empty threat to me?"

Kylo stood, towering over her, fists clenched. "Just tell me! Who are the girl's parents?"

Leia's eyes turned sad. "It was good to see you Ben. You look better than the reports had led me to believe. But maybe," she gave him a small smile, "get some sleep."

With that, she was gone and Kylo was left to stare at the body of his grandmother, preserved solely for the purpose of reminding Darth Vader of his failures. But Kylo couldn't make that mistake. He wouldn't.

This mission had been a complete and utter failure, but Kylo refused to let this trip go to waste. If he could find something on this dumb planet that would get you to trust him, this mission would be worth the effort. Kylo exited the mausoleum, marched down the path, and headed towards the castle in the distance.


	16. Curiosity Killed the Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [It’s Nice to Have a Friend-Taylor Swift]  
> [Epiphany-Taylor Swift]

"Okay so here's what we do. Kuruk and Ap'lek will distract Hux while Cardo, Trudgen, and I sneak into his room and steal Millicent." 

You placed your elbows on the metal table you and four of the knights were gathered around; Vicrul and Ushar were away with Kylo on business. 

"I don't think even Master Ren could save you from Hux's fury if you stole his most valuable possession," Kuruk commented. 

"It's true," Ap'lek agreed. 

"As much as I would like to make Hux angry, Master Ren did instruct us to keep you safe," Cardo added. 

"All the more reason to get me killed," you smiled. 

"You want to die just to spite Master Ren?" Trudgen leaned forward, very interested in your answer. 

"I mean, maybe..."

"Okay well, do us all a favor and don't die," Kuruk instructed. 

You raised your eyebrows. "Why not?"

The knights all exchanged a glance that you could not read because their faces were hidden behind their masks. 

"Surely you've noticed..." Cardo began cautiously. 

"Noticed?" You were at a loss. You had no clue what they were hinting at. "Noticed what?"

"Let's put it this way," Trudgen began. "Normally prisoners of Kylo Ren don't last more than a week, especially when they have betrayed him."

"He wants to find my missing memories. That's why I'm still alive," you argued. 

Ap'lek was always relatively quiet, so it surprised you when he let out a breathy chuckle. 

"What?" You looked around for an answer. "Can someone please tell me what I'm missing here?"

Suddenly, the door to the knights quarters opened and Vicrul and Ushar entered. 

You whipped your head towards them, searching for a third figure that never appeared. 

"He's back?" You asked, a little too hopefully. 

"Oh no," Trudgen whispered. "She's got it too."

All the knights except Vicrul and Ushar laughed at his statement. 

"Got what?" Vicrul sunk into the chair across from you at the table, examining you carefully. 

"They won't tell me," you pouted. 

"Only because we value our lives," Kuruk argued. 

Vicrul and Kuruk exchanged a long glance, almost as if they were silently communicating with each other. 

"Oh," Vicrul whispered. 

"I swear I'm going to fucking lose it if someone doesn't tell me what's going on!"

"Our mission went well," Ushar quickly changed the subject as he addressed the other knights. 

"Did Master Ren get what he was looking for?" Cardo asked, participating in the active avoidance of the subject at hand. 

"His mother wouldn't tell him anything," Ushar replied. 

His mother?

"Well she's the general of the fucking Resistance, what did he expect?" Trudgen huffed. 

You quickly stood from your seat, slamming your hands against the table and leaning forward. "Wait. General Leia Organa is Kylo Ren's mother?" 

"I don't think she was supposed to know that, Trudgen," Vicrul muttered. 

"What? I'm just helping her along. At some point she'll figure out the rest."

"Oh my..." you sputtered. "You all are driving me crazy! I'm leaving."

"Pretty sure Ren is in his room," Vicrul called as you headed towards the door. 

You froze. One side of you screamed for you to turn around and go back to the table. The other part, however, wanted to see Kylo. You didn't know what to do. 

"If you don't go, he'll just come looking for you," Cardo added. 

"I guess I need to go, then," you decided hesitantly. "I wouldn't want to make him angry."

"Oh no."

"Definitely not."

"That would be bad."

"It would be best that you go. Immediately."

"Don't get pregnant."

You whipped around to glare at Trudgen, knowing he was the one to add the last, unhelpful comment. 

"You are going to pay for that one, T," you warned. 

"Don't keep Master Ren waiting," Vicrul urged you towards the door. 

"Okay," you raised your hands in surrender. "I'm going, I'm going."

You turned and pressed the button to open the door, exiting into the hallway with slow, nervous steps. 

•••

You timidly walked through the door of Kylo Ren's quarters, searching the dark living room for any sight of him. 

"Kylo?" You called timidly. 

"Where were you?" 

You almost jumped out of your skin, surprised by his voice. You took a few more steps into the room, knowing the voice came from his bedroom. You turned to see that the door to Kylo's bedroom was open and he stood in the doorframe, wearing only sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Kylo was drying off his hair with a towel and you could tell by the steam coming from the bathroom that he had just showered. You tried your best to not seem nervous, despite the fact that you had never seen him shirtless before and he was hot. Very very very hot. Get it together, you chastised yourself. 

"I- I was with your knights," you stuttered out. 

Kylo grunted but said nothing as he went back to drying his hair with the towel. 

The silence was making you nervous. You decided to say something but didn't know what to say so instead you blurted out the first thing that came to mind. 

"Why didn't you tell me your mother was the leader of the Resistance?"

Kylo lunged forward, hand flying to your neck so quickly you could only blink in surprise. 

"Who told you that?"

His eyes were staring through you and into your soul, animalistic rage radiating from his bare torso. You couldn't help but focus on his chest despite the large hand that was cutting off your oxygen supply. 

"The officers like to gossip," you lied, eyes wide as you pawed at his hand. 

Kylo let go of your throat, eyes flickering angrily. 

"Can't have any damn privacy on this ship," he muttered, turning back around and heading into his bedroom. 

You went to sit on the couch, shaking from the shock of being grabbed so quickly. You tried to calm down as you waited for some clue as to what you were supposed to do. Maybe I should leave. 

Kylo exited his room a few moments later, chest now covered by a t-shirt. He was holding an article of clothing in his hands that you recognized. Your emotions twisted into a mixture of excitement and confusion. 

"Kylo how the hell did you get that? Were you in my house?"

"I had to go to Naboo on a mission," he replied, obviously calmer than before. "I figured it would make you happy to have a few of your things." He extended the white dress towards you, allowing you to take it. "Don't let anyone see you in these, First Order personnel aren't technically allowed to own anything unique." 

Kylo turned to sit in the arm chair across from you, watching your reaction intently. You stuttered at a thank you, unsure of what was going on and why he was doing this. You were at a complete loss for words. You kept running your hand over the lacy dress, trying to process. Just then, a mass of gray fur jumped into Kylo's lap and you almost lost it. 

"You brought Grass?"

Kylo nodded, calmly petting the cat. You sprung out of your seat, practically tackling him in a hug. Grass jumped off his lap and hid under the couch, disturbed by your ecstatic display of affection. 

"Thank you!" You squealed, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. 

"Oh," Kylo froze, he was not used to being hugged. You were basically in his lap which caused his breathing to become uneven and heavy. "Umm... you are welcome."

"Wait," you pulled away, eyeing Kylo suspiciously. "Why are you doing this? Is this like a bribe? What do I owe you?"

"You don't owe me anything," Kylo sighed in a frustrated tone, obviously annoyed by your question. 

"I don't believe you," you frowned at him, still outrageously close to his body. 

"You don't owe me anything," Kylo repeated firmly. "I simply want you to trust me so I can help you. Let me help you," he urged, hand resting on your thigh that was on top of his. "Let me search your mind for new memories. Please."

You looked into his soft brown eyes, contemplating whether or not he was telling the truth and whether or not you should give in to his request. 

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine. But if I do this we're even, okay?"

"Like I said, you don't owe me anything. But if that's how you want to think about it then okay."

You nodded and moved to sit sideways on his lap, leaning against his chest. Part of your brain told you this was too close and was screaming stranger danger, but the other part of you felt safe and you gave into that part, enjoying the feeling. Kylo wrapped his arm around your waist to keep you stable. 

"I'm only going to look at your old memories, that's it. Everything else will remain unseen, okay?" 

Kylo's voice was calm and you quietly observed as any prior emotions of anger he was feeling had been silenced the second you leaned against his chest. You were thankful that he had agreed to only look at your old memories because the only thing you wanted to do right now was rip his fucking clothes off. You gave him a small nod, pushing your thoughts away as he placed his hand on your forehead. 

Kylo was right. It didn't hurt as much when you trusted him. At this rate he could search for hours before you passed out. You relived the image of the woman laughing as Kylo replayed it, trying to push for more or even clarify the image further. And for the first time ever, he succeeded...

The woman was laughing as a man hugged her from behind, gently swaying her as if they were dancing. She held a wooden spoon in her hand as she stood by the stove, trying to stir whatever was in the pot. 

"If you keep distracting me, dinner is never going to be ready," she chuckled. 

You smiled and watched the scene, hoping that these were, in fact, your parents. They looked a lot like you; the man had the same color eyes as you and the woman had the same color and texture of hair as yours. Being in the same room as them gave you a feeling of belonging, something you had never felt until just recently. 

Suddenly, there was a series of loud raps at the door. 

"Open up," a voice yelled. 

The couple's faces fell into expressions of concern. 

The woman turned to you and pointed at the twin bed in the other room. "Hide," she whispered and you obeyed, running into the bedroom and crawling under the bed. 

You lay there listening to the voices, yelling and screaming blending together. You didn't know what was happening, but it couldn't be good. You could hear the woman begging for her life and the man denying until his last breath that there was no one else in the house. You brought your hands to your ears, keeping your eyes closed tightly as you waited for it to become quiet again. You wanted more than anything to go help them, but you couldn't. You were being forced to relive a memory that was set in stone.

The vision finally ended, throwing you back onto the cold ice of your hidden memories. 

Kylo pulled out of your mind and you blinked rapidly as you tried to comprehend what had just happened. Before you could stop them, tears began to flow down your face and sobs pushed their way to your lips. Kylo instinctively pulled you into him, allowing you to cry against his chest. You were shaking uncontrollably, trying to wrap your mind around what you had just seen. Your parents were... dead. They were dead. You'd never be able to see them again. And you couldn't even remember their names. You didn't even know what to do with this information... what could you do? The truth was, you couldn't do anything. You just had to sit with the pain of losing someone you had never known. 

You calmed down enough to realize that Kylo was very angry, which didn't help your cry fest at all. 

You nervously looked up into his eyes, stuttering your question. "Are you angry at me?"

Kylo sighed, doing his best to only look mildly annoyed. "No, my dear. You have done nothing wrong." He pulled you back into his chest and ran a hand through your hair, trying to soothe you. "I am angry at my mother for keeping your secret from me."

You pulled away just enough to look up into his eyes. "My what?"

"If I am correct, and I believe I am, I know exactly who your parents are."


	17. But the Satisfaction Brought it Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Misery-Maroon 5]

Kylo had lied when he said he wasn't going to search for anything else while inside your mind. He accidentally stumbled upon a few of your most recent thoughts that you had tried and failed to suppress. That's why he let you fall asleep in his arms and that's why he let you sleep in his bed, at least, that's what he told himself. 

Kylo sat at the kitchen table, mulling over his discovery. One thing didn't make sense. How had this been hidden from him? Why had his mother never told him? Had she known? Surely at least his uncle knew. But Kylo wouldn't put it last Luke Skywalker to keep things from him. His mother, however, well that was a bit of a burn. Everything made sense the second he saw your father's face. He noticed the insignia inscribed in the arm of his coat, saw the family portraits lining the walls of your family's log cabin, well hidden in the woods. Kylo understood why you had powers so similar to his, understood why you shared an invisible bond to each other, understood why your presence was powerful enough to scare away every single thing that had ever haunted him. The Force sure did have a sense of irony. 

Kylo was glad that you couldn't read minds too because his thoughts were running wild. The main idea his brain was entertaining at the moment was crawling in bed next to you and never letting you go. 

Kylo placed his head in his hands. He needed to stop being weak. He needed to be in control. He needed to destroy something. But you were sleeping. 

"Kylo?"

Or you weren't. 

"Kylo are you okay?"

"Yes," he muttered, head still in his hands. "Go back to sleep."

"I can't. Your emotions are really strong, it woke me up."

Kylo finally looked up, immediately in awe of you. You were in one of his t-shirts that had been wrinkled from sleep, your hair was disheveled, and your eyes were still puffy from crying. Taking a step closer, you looked at him with concern. 

"When's the last time you slept?"

Kylo looked down. "I- I don't know," he muttered. 

You huffed in annoyance, growing upset with him. "No wonder you're so angry all the time. You really get on my nerves, you know that, right? Constantly on my fucking-" 

Kylo stood from his seat, body blocking you from getting any closer. He stared into your eyes, smirking slightly as you gulped nervously. 

"What was that?"

"I umm..."

"Use your words, my dear."

"Stop calling me that," you glared at him. 

"Does it bother you?" 

Kylo was so close to you that he swore you'd be able to hear his heart hammering loudly in his chest. You could be his. He knew what he was capable of. But he wouldn't. He had some morals. It took every fiber in Kylo's body to keep him planted in his spot. 

"Yes," you pouted. 

You hadn't yet taken a step back which was very out of character for you. Kylo allowed himself to wonder if you felt the same as he did. 

"Then I'll say it more often," Kylo teased. 

You crossed your arms and gave him an intense glare. "I'm going back to sleep," you decided. 

You turned around and walked towards the door of his bedroom. You paused in the frame and turned your head to give Kylo another glance. 

"You can sleep on the couch," you smirked. 

"It's my room," Kylo exclaimed. 

"Mhmm, sure it is," you replied sarcastically. I'll see you in the morning."

Kylo could have sworn you winked before turning back and disappearing into his bedroom. He stood there for a moment, awestruck at how he had just let you walk all over him. Kylo Ren was growing impatient. He needed you and he needed you now. He couldn't wait much longer...

•••

"You want me to meet your mother? Isn't that something engaged couples do? Anyone except mortal enemies?"

"I wish you'd stop calling us that," Kylo muttered from his seat at the table. You were petting Grass who was curled up next to you on the couch. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. What would you prefer? Kidnapper and Kidnappee? Evil man and his helpless prisoner? Supreme Leader and-"

"We're meeting her on Naboo."

"We- what?" Your mouth fell open in shock. 

"You heard me."

"Wha- why?"

"I make her meet me in my grandmother's mausoleum. It makes her feel guilty for some reason."

"Wow. That's really screwed up."

Kylo frowned. "Considering she's known who you are this entire time and kept it from you, I don't think she really deserves your pity."

"True," you conceded. "When do we leave?"

"Whenever you are ready."

You ran your hand over the simple, white, lacy dress you were currently wearing. "Was this the only dress you brought from my house?"

Kylo shook his head. "No, there were more."

He stood up and walked into his bedroom, opening the closet doors and removing your neatly folded dresses from the shelving. He brought them back out and set them on the kitchen table. 

"Put that in a bag and I'm ready."

Kylo raised his eyebrows. "You don't need any...undergarments?"

You rolled your eyes. "The First Order provided me with two sets. I'm wearing one and the other is in laundry, who knows when they will return. I will just use the sets at my house."

"Well I wasn't planning on-"

"We are going to my house, end of discussion," you crossed your arms, waiting for him to argue.

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine. But you are going to owe me for that."

You huffed in annoyance, "whatever."

•••

"Okay this is just a little awkward."

You and Kylo were standing next to each other, shoulders almost touching because the mausoleum was small and Kylo wanted to hide in the shadows. 

"You've never been in here? I figured with the way you people worship this woman, she would be visited a lot."

"No, it's only for family and close friends. We respect her privacy."

"She's dead." Kylo stated bluntly. "The dead don't need privacy."

"Can you stop being critical for just one day?" You sneered at him. 

"You are running up quite a tab for favors, my dear. Are you sure you want to add that one to it?"

"Whatever it takes to get you to shut the fuck up," you muttered, glaring at him. 

If Leia Organa hadn't walked in just then, well, Kylo didn't know what he would've done to you but it wouldn't have been nice. 

"General," Kylo acknowledged her evenly.

"Ben."

Kylo felt your eyes on him, he had not yet told you his real name, but his stupid mother had ratted him out. 

"I believe you owe her an explanation," he gestured towards you, placing a hand behind your back and nudging you out of the shadows. 

"Ahh, so you have figured it out. Well done."

"Stop stalling and tell her," Kylo's fists clenched in anger. 

"Very well." She turned to face you, smiling gently. "When you were young, your parents were discovered by what was left of the Empire. They killed them immediately, but left you behind, unaware of your existence. My brother found you and brought you to the Resistance base so that we could take care of you. You were like a light and a breath of fresh air, always happy and kind despite the terrible tragedy you experienced. Everyone was in better spirits, even Ben." She gestured towards Kylo and his face hardened.

"What happened?" You got closer to her, wanting to know the end. 

"You started showing potential very young. Luke decided to take you and train you, hoping he could prepare you for what he sensed was to come. But then the First Order rose, and with them, Snoke. We weren't exactly keeping it a secret who you were and he found you with ease. So we did what we felt had to be done, we wiped your memories and made you Naboo's best kept secret, their most beautiful party trick. Turns out I may have wiped the wrong person's mind," she looked sadly at Kylo, who was having a very hard time staying calm. 

"But who am I? Why won't either of you just tell me?"

"Because once we say it," Kylo started. 

"It can't be unsaid," Leia finished. 

"It's not worth the risk," Kylo explained. "Everyone who ever held a grudge against your grandfather will come looking for you. And anyone who knew your grandfather is going to expect you to be their savior of the galaxy. They're going to want you to fit inside their box." Kylo spoke from experience. He knew exactly what that was like. 

"We can take care of her, Ben," Leia interjected. 

"Better than I can?" Kylo's nostrils flared. 

"Just tell me!" You grabbed Kylo's hands, forcing him to look in your eyes. "Whatever it is, we'll figure it out."

Kylo examined you, eyes occasionally glancing over to Leia. 

"Go ahead, General. You got us into this mess, you get to make it worse."

Leia looked around, examining the room to make sure no one was listening in. Finally, she turned to face you, staring into your eyes as she finally admitted what had been eating away at you for so long. 

"You, my child... are a Kenobi."

•••

"It would be helpful if I knew what a Kenobi was."

You sat at your kitchen table, head in your hands. 

Kylo chuckled, leaning against your kitchen counter. He filled a pot of water and set it on the burner, turning it on. You were slowly coming to terms with the fact that most of your life had been a lie and Kylo was waiting patiently for you to crack. 

"You know what, I do remember you," Kylo decided. 

You looked up at him. "You do?"

Kylo nodded. "I remember that Leia brought you to have dinner with us. She was very protective of you. She was more of a mother to you in that one night than she was in my entire childhood. I hated you."

"And all of these years later, you still hate me," you gave him a small smile. 

"I never said that," Kylo muttered. 

"Oh?"

The pot began to squeal and Kylo pulled it off the burner. 

"Where do you keep your tea bags?" Kylo turned to look through your kitchen drawers.

"I make them," you stood from your seat. "Here let me get it." 

You pushed past him, reaching to open a cabinet and get your different jars of herbal tea blends. You pulled them down and placed them on the counter. You grabbed your reusable steepers, scooping in the calming blend and placing them in the mugs. You turned to hand them to Kylo, accidentally bumping into him. You almost fell over but Kylo caught you, hands wrapping around your waist to keep you steady. You looked up at him, face turning red in embarrassment. 

"Oh, s- sorry," you stuttered. 

"It's quite all right, my dear." He watched in amusement as you struggled to regain control, completely flustered with the situation. 

"You can let go of me," you muttered, pulling away. 

Kylo let you go, taking the mugs from your hands and pouring the hot water into them. He handed one back to you, watching as your face turned back to a normal shade. 

"So you've been living here for how long?"

You shook your head and turned to look out the window. "I don't know, the beginning of my time here is a blur. Whatever your mother used on my memory affected more than she intended."

Kylo watched as you carefully sipped your tea. You were staring at the bright stars that lit up the meadow outside your house. Your hands shook slightly and you were obviously unstable from today's adventure.

"You need sleep," Kylo decided. 

You shook your head. "No I- I'm okay. I want to think things over a little longer."

"Okay well where do you want me to sleep?"

To Kylo's surprise, you pointed to the bedroom. 

"Where are you going to sleep?"

You shook your head, eyes trained on the floor. "I don't want to sleep."

Kylo glared at you silently until a thought came to his mind. "Remember all those favors you owe me?"

You nodded. 

"Well I'm cashing one in. At least try to sleep."

Kylo finished his tea, placing the mug in the sink. He brushed past you and walked into the bedroom. He removed his boots, cape, and tunic before climbing into bed. Your shadow washed over him as you stood in the doorway, watching him closely. Kylo rolled his eyes. 

"I don't bite."

You frowned, staying planted in your spot. 

"You owe me," Kylo warned, saying your name with a slight growl. 

You finally huffed and walked to the other side of the bed, slipping off your shoes and crawling in. You stayed as close to the edge as possible and Kylo didn't argue. He turned on his side, facing away from you, and almost immediately, fell asleep.


	18. Seeing Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [What a Time-Julia Michaels ft. Niall Horan]

You couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts were running through your head and Kylo was snoring very loudly. You lay there for what felt like hours, completely distracted by your problems. 

You began to realize that some of your emotions were not even your own. You turned over to discover that Kylo was twitching, fear and anger twisting their dark web around him. He was having a nightmare. You debated about whether or not to wake him up, finally placing your hand on his bicep. 

The second you touched him, he began to calm down. His breathing slowed to an even pace and his emotions died down. You stayed in that position, awkwardly trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the son of a bitch wrapped his large arms around your body and pulled you against his chest, all while still asleep. You frowned but finally gave in, too tired to fight him away. You nestled your head against his chest and closed your eyes. His scent was comforted you and slowly but surely, you slipped into a deep sleep. 

•••

Sunlight streamed into the bedroom and your eyes fluttered open, hand searching for Kylo who wasn't there. The scent of various herbs and spices wafted into the room and you rolled over, confused as to what was cooking. You rolled out of bed and pulled on a new white dress that barely covered your knees, had cap sleeves, and was lined with a beautiful combination of small pink flowers and white mesh. 

You stepped out of your bedroom and into the living room. Kylo was standing in the kitchen, wearing grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt, cooking. 

"You can cook?"

Kylo turned his head to acknowledge you before turning back to whatever was in the pan on the stove. "Yes," he responded calmly. 

"Oh." 

You shifted nervously, suddenly reminded of the fact that you had fallen asleep on his chest and was in that same position when you woke up. There was no way he didn't know, so why was he choosing to ignore it?. 

You couldn't really tell what kind of mood Kylo was in, almost like he couldn't decide either. You moved to the other side of the kitchen, jumping up on the counter and swinging your legs against the cabinets. You decided to address one of the many elephants in the room. 

"Is that why you don't sleep? Nightmares?"

Kylo nodded, never looking up from the stove. 

"Are they always so bad?"

"Worse."

"Worse?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," you replied meekly, quietly watching Kylo cook. 

You silently observed as a torrent of emotions fought at the damn Kylo had built around himself, slowly eating away at his resolve. He was growing angrier by the second and you gripped the edge of the counter, preparing yourself for his inevitable outburst. 

Finally, Kylo slammed the spoon in his hand down into the pan, looking up at you with rage evident in his eyes. 

"You drive me fucking crazy, do you know that?"

You should have been afraid. Except he wasn't yelling. He was practically whispering. 

"What?" You stared at him in confusion. "I drive you crazy?"

His voice rose to match yours. "Yes! You're always in my fucking head, making me feel things I don't want to feel. Things I shouldn't feel."

You laughed at the irony. "I'm in your head? No, no, no, you're in mine! Every time you're gone I see you in my fucking dreams; it's like I'm being haunted by a really tall ghost that wears all black! I can't even look at anyone else because, for some reason, the only person my demented brain is interested in is the man who kidnapped and tortured me!" 

You were yelling now, waving your hands emphatically but still sitting on the counter. 

"Oh no, you can't keep pulling the torture card on me! Half of the things I did were because Snoke made me! And as for the kidnapping part, technically that was Vicrul."

"Vicrul, a Knight of Ren?"

"Well, yes-"

"Who follows your orders?" Before Kylo could respond, you continued. "Exactly. And don't try to blame everything on Snoke because if that were true, the second Snoke was dead you would have let me go. But what am I still? A prisoner."

He sneered. "Is that still what you want? To live here?" He waved his arm in the air, gesturing to your home as if it were a dump. "After everything I have given you? After everything we have accomplished?" 

You were furious. How dare he insult your home like this?

"Yes!"

And you immediately regretted what you had said. You didn't mean it. Of course you wanted him. You wanted him more than anything. You wanted to curl up in his arms every single night. But the damage had been done. The words had been said and you couldn't take them back. 

"Then stay here! Rot away on this fucking planet for all I care!"

And with that, he was gone. Pan still simmering, sunlight still shining through the window, and you, still sitting on the counter, heart breaking into a million pieces. You sat there until the smell of burning food assaulted your nose. You turned off the burner and threw the pan in the sink, turning on the cold water to keep it from catching fire. Finally, the tears came. You sunk to the floor, sobs wracking your body as you choked on your saliva. You shook your head at the irony of your tears. Not long ago, you were crying because you wanted to go home and now you were home and still crying. 

But this didn't feel like home anymore, as much as you hated to admit it. The only thing that felt like home was Kylo, and he had left you here per your stupid request. Plus, your cat was on the Finalizer. That thought alone elicited another round of sobs and you collapsed to floor. You cried until you had expended every ounce of water in your body. You couldn't move, you could barely breathe. You focused on the rise and fall of your chest, eyes drooping as you fell into an uneasy sleep. 

•••

"You're back?"

You looked up from your place at the kitchen table where you had been staring off into space. In the doorframe stood Queen Valentina, regal as ever and delighted to see you. 

"Umm yeah," you wiped your eyes the best you could, trying to hide the tears that had dried on your face. "I'm back."

Valentina walked through the door and sat across from you, seeing through your thin disguise. 

"What happened?" She spoke softly, taking your hands in hers and squeezing them gently. 

"So much," you whispered. 

"Start from the beginning," she suggested, hands never leaving yours. 

You took a shaky breath. "At first it was bad. It was so, so bad Val and I just wanted to die. Kylo Ren tortured me into submission but I lied to him in order to protect the Resistance so then Snoke tortured me and I almost died. But then Kylo Ren started being nicer to me and he hid me from Snoke because I refused to submit but Kylo wanted to find my missing memories. Then Snoke found out and ordered Kylo Ren to kill me but Kylo killed him instead. Then Kylo became the Supreme Leader and he was always away on missions but when he came back he would always make time to see me at least once before he had to leave again. And his knights kept teasing me and saying that I was special to Kylo and I could tell there was definitely something there, you know? And obviously he's super hot so I was embarrassingly attracted to him. And then he brought me Grass and he held me while I cried. Then he brought me here and i found out I was a Kenobi. And then..." You faltered, tears coming to your eyes. 

"And then?" Valentina squeezed your hands again, never breaking eye contact. 

"And then we slept in the same bed and he had a nightmare so I tried to wake him up but he wrapped his arms around me and it was just so perfect..." Tears streamed down your cheeks as you told Valentina the end of the story. "But then the next morning we got in an argument and he asked me if I would rather stay here than be with him and my dumbass self said yes and then he left. And now he's gone and I'm- I'm an idiot," you placed your head in your hands, beginning to sob for what felt like the trillionth time in the past week. 

Valentina let you sob, sitting there and waiting patiently until you calmed down. 

"This is fixable," she determined. 

"No it isn't," you sniffled miserably. 

"Yes it is, you have to go back! Tell him that you love him!"

"I- what? That's ridiculous I don't love him!"

Valentina raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "Well based on that story he definitely loves you..."

You groaned miserably. "Oh shit, how did I let this happen to me?"

"Wait a second," Valentina pulled your hands closer, examining them suspiciously. "How the hell are you less pale when you've been on a starship for five months?"

You gave her a guilty expression. "Oh, well... here's the thing: I was kind of ummm... how do I say this? Dying. I was dying. And then I got kidnapped and I met Kylo and I was suddenly not dying anymore."

"You were what now? And you were just going to keep it a secret? And now you're not-"

Valentina's hands flew to her mouth as she made a realization. 

"What?" You asked worriedly. "What is it?"

"You're soulmates."

"What?"

"That's it! That has to be it. It makes so much sense! I bet you anything that if you go back to helping people, you'll start dying again."

"No. There's no way. That's ridiculous!"

"Fine, then I'm asking you a question!"

"Go ahead!"

"Should I wear red or blue tomorrow?"

It was a dumb question, but your abilities didn't discriminate. You went into a daze, the two options appearing in your mind. 

"Blue," you answered. 

Suddenly, your skin turned a shade lighter and you felt tired, like you hadn't slept in a week. 

"Oh shit," you looked up at Valentina who was smirking at you. 

"I told you! Go home darling, go back to Kylo Ren."

She stood from her seat, moving to wrap her arms around your neck and kissing you on the head. 

"I have to go. But promise me you'll visit okay? And don't let Kylo Ren force Naboo into any agreements. I'm not looking for a war."

She walked out the door and you sat there, still staring at your hands. 

•••

A knock at the door startled you from your sleep. It was the middle of the night and you wondered who was knocking on your door this late at night. You hoped desperately that it was Kylo, coming to take you back to the Finalizer. 

You got out of bed and walked to the door, opening it to see three men who looked slightly raggedy and distraught. 

"I know it's late, we're so sorry," the one in the middle spoke. "But we heard you can help people and we are in desperate need of help."

"Please come in," you replied in a concerned tone. "What can I help you with?"

The second you had led them inside, the door slammed shut. You spun around, scared by the loud noise. 

"We need you to tell us where Obi-Wan Kenobi is buried."

You blinked in confusion. "I'm sorry, who?"

"Oh don't play dumb girl," the one to the left spoke. "We know you're his granddaughter. So tell us where he is buried."

"I- I don't know."

The man in the middle turned to the man on his right. 

"She's playing hard to get," he smirked. 

"That means we get to torture her," the one on the left grinned. 

"Oh this will be fun," the man on the right chuckled as he moved to grab you. 

You backed away, trying to find a way out. The only exit in your house, however, was the door that they were blocking. You made a run for it, sprinting straight through the men's outstretched hands and out the door. You ran through the field as fast as you could but they were faster, catching up with you in seconds. You tried to fight back, kicking and screaming and calling for help, but there was no one to help you. The last thing you felt was one of the men grabbing you by the waist and putting a hand to your mouth, suffocating you until you passed out...


	19. Seeing Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Why Won’t You Love Me?-5 Seconds of Summer]  
> [Let’s Fall in Love for the Night-FINNEAS]

"Is that still what you want? To live here?" Kylo Ren was furious. "After everything I have given you? After everything we have accomplished?" 

"Yes!"

Kylo knew you regretted it the moment you uttered the words. He could hear your mind screaming at you to take it back but his rage prevented him from seeing logic. 

"Then stay here! Rot away on this fucking planet for all I care!"

Kylo stomped out the door of your house, slamming the door behind him. His anger carried him through the meadow, onto his ship, and all the way back to the Finalizer. 

His knights didn't say anything when he showed up without you. They knew not to push the subject. Kylo threw himself into his work, doing anything but sleeping. He couldn't even step foot in his room without thinking of you. No matter how many light years away you were, you would still haunt Kylo's dreams. There was no escaping you. 

Kylo wanted to kill someone, or burn down a city, or destroy a planet. Anything that would quiet your ever-present voice in his head. 

At first, Kylo had wanted to turn around. He had wanted to turn around and walk back into your house and kiss you until you couldn't speak. He knew you hadn't meant what you said, but still. You had said it and never even tried to take it back. There was no going back. It was your move. Until you played your hand, Kylo would be forced to wait patiently. 

Or impatiently. Patience had never been Kylo's strong suit. He spent the majority of the week pacing the halls of the Finalizer, yelling at anyone who wasn't doing their jobs and killing anyone who dared challenge his authority. He knew you wouldn't approve of his methods but at the moment, Kylo really didn't care. Maybe you should have thought about what your words would do to him before you let them leave your lips. 

Kylo was in his study, trying to translate a book that was written in a dead language that there was little knowledge of. It seemed to be rather unimportant but Kylo would take any opportunity to distract himself. By the time he had figured out some of the simple words, he could barely keep his eyes open. After a week of little sleep, Kylo finally gave in to the darkness that beckoned him closer. 

•••

"We know you're his granddaughter. Tell us where he's buried!"

"I- I don't know."

You were shaking in the way you normally did when you got nervous. 

Kylo took in your image, ignoring what was currently going on because he just wanted to memorize your body before his dream ripped you away from him. 

But then he realized the men were trying to grab you and you were trying to run. Kylo followed you out the door of your house, watching helplessly as the men grabbed you and you screamed for help. He wasn't sure he'd ever get your broken pleas out of his head. 

"Help! Please, help!"

"There's no one to help you, girl," One of the men grunted. 

One of the other men began to suffocate you. Your eyes closed but Kylo could hear you, voice calm but loud in his mind. 

Kylo if you can hear this, please help me. Please Kylo I-

And then you were gone. 

•••

Kylo awoke with a start, shooting up and rushing out of his study. He stomped down the halls of the Finalizer, finally arriving at his knights quarters. He pushed the button and stepped through the doorway. His knights stood to acknowledge him but Kylo waved them away, too caught up in getting to you to worry about formalities. 

"She's in trouble."

•••

Kylo and his knights had arrived on Naboo only to discover that you weren't here. Whoever your assailants were, they had removed you from your planet and taken you somewhere else. The knights spread out, some searching the house, some searching the meadow, and some searching the woods for any clue as to where you might have been taken. 

"I found something!" Ap'lek called from his spot in the meadow. 

The knights all rushed to where he was, examining what he held in his hand. 

"What is it?" Kylo pushed his way through to see what Ap'lek had found. 

In Ap'lek's hand was a piece of metal. It was small, obviously a keepsake of some sort. 

"Let's take it back to the ship, we need to analyze it," Vicrul suggested and Kylo nodded in agreement. 

Ap'lek led the way towards the shuttle, walking up the ramp and placing the piece of metal on the dashboard so the ship could analyze it. Within seconds, the ship came up with an answer. 

"It's a piece of an old Empirical starship. It's from Jakku," Ushar read the report. 

Kylo practically jumped into the pilots seat, immediately setting the coordinates for Jakku.

The knights barely had time to find a seat before Kylo took off, putting the shuttle into light speed the second he exited Naboo's atmosphere. Within minutes they exited light speed, the shuttle nearing Jakku's atmosphere. Kylo went to descend onto the planet but suddenly stopped. He realized that he could sense you. Kylo searched the radar for signs of another ship in the area and he found one to his right. Kylo steered the shuttle in that direction, knowing you were on that ship. He could feel it. 

"Is she on that ship?" Vicrul asked from the copilots seat. 

Kylo nodded and Vicrul set to work hacking their comms. He instructed the pilot to land in the dunes on Jakku and not to try anything funny. The pilot obeyed and Kylo followed them onto Jakku, landing and rushing down the ramp of the shuttle. One of the men he had seen in his dream was standing on the ramp of the ship. 

"What can I do for you?" He gave a fake smile. 

Kylo grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him closer to his mask. 

"Where is she?" He growled. 

"On the ship!" He gasped. "Please, we were only doing our job!"

Kylo ignited his saber and severed the man's top half from the bottom half of his body. 

Kylo marched up the ramp of the ship, automatically searching for you when he was on board. You were curled into a ball, arms and legs shackled to the floor. As Kylo got closer he could see the bruises on your arms and legs. Your favorite dress was in tatters and ruined by what Kylo guessed was your own blood. As he kneeled in front of you, Kylo placed his hands on the shackles and ripped them from the ground. Next, Kylo carefully pulled the metal off your wrists and legs and placed his arms under your body, picking you up and carrying you off the ship. Vicrul finished off the other two men and followed Kylo down the ramp and onto the shuttle. Your breathing was uneven and your pulse was thready. 

"Start the engines," he instructed. "She needs medical assistance."

•••

"She has a few cracked ribs and we had to stitch up where she was cut on her shoulder, but other than that, she should be fine."

Kylo gazed at your peaceful face, eyes closed and eyelashes fluttering every time you took a breath. A large bandage covered your shoulder right where Kylo had burned you all those months ago. Evidently the men had cut you there, using your previous scar as an outline. Kylo's fists clenched as he thought about the pain you had been subjected to. 

"When will she wake up?" Trudgen asked. 

All six of the knights were huddled in the hospital room, insistant on making sure you were okay. 

"It could be any time now. She's just sleeping off the shock."

Kylo didn't even know if you would want to see him. You had called out for his help but that may have just been a fear response. He felt it would be better to leave. If you didn't want to see him you shouldn't have to. 

He turned to his knights. "Everyone except for Cardo and Trudgen is dismissed. We wouldn't want to overwhelm her."

The knights nodded and filed out of the room. 

"Stay here and explain to her what happened when she wakes up. I know she trusts both of you the most."

"Where are you going, Master?" Cardo asked. 

"I don't think she wants to see me," he explained. "I'll be in my quarters if you need me," he added as he stepped out of the room. 

Kylo began the trek to his quarters, ignoring the officers who saluted when he walked past them. He continued down the hall, breathing a sigh of relief when he was inside his chambers. Kylo removed his mask and placed it on the desk that sat in his bedroom. The idea of sleep was very attractive to Kylo at the moment, but he really needed to shower. 

Kylo grabbed a pair of sweatpants and boxers before heading into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Kylo placed his clothing on the sink and turned on the shower. He stepped under the stream of water, closing his eyes and allowing the water to travel over his tired body. 

He hadn't had the time to consider it before, but what if you really didn't want to see him? What if you had decided that you really did want to stay on Naboo? Kylo didn't know what he would do. One week without you had been absolute hell. He couldn't imagine doing this for the rest of his life. Kylo couldn't stop worrying, even after he had finished showering and had stepped out onto the tile floor. He grabbed a towel and began drying himself off, trying to push away the fear and focus on something else. Kylo pulled on his boxers and sweatpants, opening the door and walking out of the bathroom as he ran the towel through his hair. He headed for the kitchen, knowing he should probably eat something. 

"Hey."

Kylo froze. He turned towards the familiar voice that came from the couch. Kylo couldn't decide if he was dreaming or hallucinating. There you sat on his couch, wearing grey lounge pants and a white shirt that you'd obviously stolen from the laundry. The bruises on your body were getting better, they had gone from a deep purple to yellow and green.

"Hey," Kylo replied, unsure of what to say. He took a step towards you, placing his towel on the arm chair. 

"Thank you for saving me, I- I didn't know if you'd find me," you stared at your hands, shuddering as you relived the past days. 

"I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner," Kylo replied softly, coming closer to you. "If I had been there..."

"It's not your fault, Kylo." You stood from your place on the couch so that you could look into his eyes. 

Kylo didn't respond. No matter what you said, he would still blame himself. Before he could stop himself, his hand moved to trace over the bandage that went from your shoulder to right below your clavicle. You sucked in a breath, grabbing his hand and wincing. 

"Sorry," Kylo whispered. 

You both stood there in silence for a moment, staring intently into each other's eyes, hand never letting go of his. 

"What I said on Naboo," you finally spoke. "I didn't mean it," you admitted. 

"I know," Kylo admitted. "I shouldn't have started that fight in the first place. It's my fault."

"No, Kylo, it's mine."

"So does this mean you're staying?" Kylo asked, unable to quiet his internal worries anymore. 

"If you tell me you want me here I will stay," you deflected, looking down at his arm as you did so. 

"I don't want you to stay if you don't want to."

"And I don't want to stay if you don't want me to."

"Stop being ridiculous and just answer the question."

"You are the one being ridiculous, I-"

Kylo grabbed your face, forcing you to look at him. He looked into your beautiful eyes, committing the color to memory. Finally, he looked down at your lips watching as they quivered in anticipation. All of these things took seconds at most, and then Kylo pulled you into his lips, attacking yours with fervor. And it was everything he could have ever dreamed of, electricity and light and the feeling of two stars forming a supernova of energy. Nothing else existed except for you and him, frozen in this moment for what seemed like a second and an eternity all at the same time. And finally, after millennia had passed and everyone had wasted away except the two of you, Kylo pulled away. 

"Stay," he whispered into your lips. 

"O- okay," you breathed, shaking slightly in shock. You blinked a few times, finally giving him a small grin. "Only if you kiss me again."

Kylo placed his hands on your waist and pulled you back into him, this time gentler with his kiss. Fire was running through his veins, warming his cold heart and igniting a fire in his soul. Never in his life had Kylo been more sure of anything. Never in his life had Kylo ever felt more at home than he was in this moment. Kylo pulled away and you wrapped your arms around his torso, leaning into his chest and tracing circles on his bare back. 

Kylo did his best to stifle the yawn building in his throat, but he could not stop it. You pulled away to look up at him. 

"Sleep?" You asked hopefully. 

"Sleep," Kylo agreed. 

You scampered into the bedroom, quickly climbing into bed and waiting for Kylo to join you. Kylo climbed into the other side of the bed and gently grabbed your waist, pulling you against his chest and wrapping his arms around your body. He kissed your neck lightly, smiling at the soft giggles you let out. After a few minutes, your breathing evened out and Kylo held you tightly, falling asleep minutes after you.


	20. Clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Sign of the Times-Harry Styles]  
> [So it Goes-Taylor Swift]
> 
> TW: Blood, Torture, Dealing with the idea of death.

Kylo if you can hear this, please help me. Please Kylo I-

And then you were gone.

•••

When you came to your senses, you were on the floor of some sort of shuttle. It was obviously not a First Order ship because the interior was covered in rust and dirt, something that would have never been tolerated in the First Order. You looked around for any sign of the other men. You could see that two of them were in the cockpit, straight ahead of you. The third one climbed a ladder that was on the right of you. The second he was on the main level, the third man noticed that you were awake. 

"Hey Thorne," he called to the cockpit. "She's awake."

"I'm comin', hol' on," the man in the copilots seat replied. 

Thorne climbed out of his chair and walked towards you, stopping and kneeling right in front of you. Before you could stop it, he grabbed your hair and pulled you up, forcing you to look in his eyes. You forced yourself to stay quiet, you weren't about to show weakness. 

"Sit up," he grunted and released his grip on your head. 

You quietly obeyed, pulling yourself into a cross-legged position. 

"Now we can do this the easy way or the 'ard way, ya hear?"

You nodded, eyes wide with fear. 

"Where did they bury Obi-Wan's lightsaber?"

"We know now that his body disappeared after he died, but we want his lightsaber," the other man added. 

"I don't know who that is," you replied calmly. 

Thorn nodded to the other man. "I guess it's the 'ard way then, innit, Zenon?"

The other man grinned and stepped towards the ladder, disappearing into the belly of the ship. 

"It's too bad," Thorne stood, grabbing chains from a pile in the corner and attaching them to the hooks in the floor. "You are too pretty for what 'e is gon' do to ya."

Thorne grabbed your upper arms and began dragging you towards the chains. He shackled your wrists and then your ankles to the floor, giving you no chance of escape.

You didn't know what to do. It wasn't like you could give them the answer they were looking for. All you could do is pray Kylo had heard you and would come find you. Surely he wasn't so angry that he would ignore your distress call, right?

The sound of Zenon climbing up the ladder, snapped you out of your worry. He was holding a large hunting knife and a metal bat that he swung in a circular motion, obviously excited to hurt you. He knelt down in front of you, grabbing your chin and forcing your face forward so your noses were almost touching. 

"I'm feeling generous so I'll give you one more chance, girl. Where is it?"

"I'm telling you, I don't know!" You sneered. 

"Well I tried," he shrugged with an evil grin plastered on his face. 

Zenon stood and handed the knife to Thorne who was beside Zenon and had the same smirk on his face. The first blow was so surprising that it didn't hurt, just shocked you. Zenon swung the bat against your left arm, knocking you to the floor. You struggled to sit back up, not wanting to be seen as weak. Thorne was circling you, examining your attire and body. Zenon brought the bat against your right arm, forcing you the other way. This time, you could feel the pain. Your head made contact with the hard, metal floor and you groaned. 

"Stand up," Thorne ordered. 

You obeyed, shaking as you rose to your feet. 

"Are you ready to talk?" Zenon gripped his bat, preparing for your answer. 

"Please," you shook violently, unable to control your fear as the pain clouded your mind. "I really don't know." 

The next blow was to your legs, forcing you to the ground again. Before you could regain your bearings, another blow was brought against your chest and a sickening crack could be heard. You screamed in pain, tears streaming down your face. Thorne knelt beside you and began stroking your hair. 

"I find it 'ard to believe," he muttered lowly into your ear. "That the granddaughter of Kenobi who was trained by the Skywalkers wouldn' know where 'er grandfather's lightsaber was buried."

"They took my memory," you gasped, clutching your chest where your ribs had been cracked. 

"Righ', and my name is Pete," he chuckled. 

Thorne noticed the scar that spanned from your shoulder to below your clavicle. 

"Now what do we 'ave 'ere? That's a nasty scar you got 'ere. Who done that to ya?"

"Kylo Ren," you gasped as another wave of pain attacked you. 

"Oh? What was lil Kenobi doin' with Kylo Ren?"

"I'm his prisoner," you breathed through clenched teeth. 

"Prisoners of Kylo Ren don' normally make it through the nigh'," Zenon argued. 

You didn't reply, too focused on your pain to form an answer. 

"Oh," Thorne chuckled. "I get it. You're 'is lil play-thing."

"I bet we could get a good ransom for her," Zenon suggested. 

Thorne held the knife to your neck and you gasped. 

"Would 'e pay for ya?"

"Yes," you choked out, grasping at straws for reasons they should keep you alive. 

"I tell ya what, 'e can have ya if ya survive," Thorne grinned as he brought his knife over your scar. 

The knife sunk into your skin and you let out a bloodcurdling scream. You started losing your grip on reality, the pain becoming too much to handle. Blood was traveling down your chest and onto your dress, but you couldn't be worried about it right now. Thorne finished with his work on your scar and stood to admire it. 

"Hey, we've got a problem!" The man in the pilot's seat called. 

Thorne and Zenon stood and headed towards the cockpit, leaving you there to lay in your own blood. You stared at the dark metal ceiling, thinking about everything you had missed out on. All you had wanted to do was apologize to Kylo and now you'd never be able to. When you had called out for him on Naboo, you had gotten so close to admitting what something you had finally come to terms with. You were in love with Kylo Ren. There was no avoiding it anymore. But now he would never know. 

"I'm sorry, Kylo," you whispered as you slowly lost consciousness. 

•••

Stay alive. Come on, you're a damn Kenobi. Do not die on me!

You could hear Kylo's voice in your head. 

Is this what dying felt like? Would you be forced to listen to his internal pleas until your body finally gave out? 

You slipped back into the dark abyss. 

•••

Beep

Beep

Beep

"Stay here and explain to her what happened when she wakes up. I know she trusts both of you the most," you heard Kylo say. 

I must be dreaming. 

"Where are you going, Master?" Cardo asked. 

"I don't think she wants to see me," he explained. 

Is he an idiot? Of course I want to see him! What kind of stupid dream is my brain creating?

I'll be in my quarters if you need me," he added as he stepped out of the room.

The second the door closed, you began to wake. You groaned, slowly coming to your senses. Bright fluorescent light attacked you, rendering you blind as you tried to adjust. 

"Oh shit," you muttered, realizing what had happened. 

You opened your eyes, preparing for a fight but were surprised when you saw Trudgen sitting in the corner of the room and not your capturers. You were in a hospital bed, hooked to various chords and monitors. You sat up and peered at him in confusion. 

"Morning, gorgeous," Trudgen flirted sarcastically, laugh synthesized through his mask. 

"How did I get here?"

"Your knight in pitch black armor saved you," he teased. 

"Trudgen, don't tease her right now, she almost died," Cardo scolded from his spot in the other corner. 

A million thoughts ran through your head. Kylo had come to save you. "Kylo heard me?"

"Yes, he heard you and he drug us all on a high speed chase across the galaxy," Trudgen complained. 

"Remember when we told you not to get yourself killed?" Cardo added. 

"Sorry," you grinned sheepishly. 

"Just don't do it again," Trudgen wagged his finger at you. 

"Yeah because we're the ones who have to deal with Master Ren if you die."

You looked around, realizing that your dream must have not really been a dream. Kylo was nowhere to be found. "Well your master is an idiot if he thinks I don't want to see him."

"He never was the brightest," Trudgen commented. 

"I can go get him if you want," Cardo offered. 

You shook your head and began pulling the various wires and chords off your body. You swung your legs out of the bed, trying to stand up. 

"Woah, woah, woah hotshot. Where do you think you are going?" Trudgen stood, trying to stop you from going any further. 

You smiled brightly. "I'm going to see the Supreme Leader."

Cardo groaned. "He's going to kill us," he muttered. 

You smirked and walked out of the room, doing your best to ignore the pain in your shoulder and the soreness of your body. You didn't know what you were going to say to Kylo, but you knew you were never going to let him leave again. 

•••

After a short detour through the laundry to steal some clothes, you found yourself in Kylo's chambers. The shower was running so you sat on the couch, waiting patiently for him to exit. Your organs were performing somersaults in your stomach. It also didn't help that you could sense Kylo's emotions which were mainly worry and anger. He was always so angry, you worried he was going to give himself a heart attack someday.

You heard the water turn off and after a few minutes you heard the door open. You sucked in a breath, suddenly very nervous. Kylo walked down the hall and past you, heading towards the kitchen. He was shirtless and running a towel through his hair. Your breathing grew shallow as you stared at the muscles on his back, rippling every time he moved his arms to dry his hair. You opened your mouth but couldn't find the words that you wanted. 

Finally you just settled for a "hey."

Kylo froze. He turned around to face you, eyes soft with apprehension. 

You tried not to focus on his toned chest but it was really hard. Finally, Kylo replied. 

"Hey."

He took a step towards you, placing his towel on the arm chair. 

You kept talking, deciding that sounding stupid was better than silence. 

"Thank you for saving me, I- I didn't know if you'd find me," you stared at your hands, shuddering as you relived the past days. 

"I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner," Kylo replied softly, coming closer to you. "If I had been there..."

"It's not your fault, Kylo." You stood from your place on the couch so that you could look into his eyes. 

It wasn't his fault. How could it ever be his fault?

Kylo didn't respond but his hand moved to trace over the bandage that went from your shoulder to right below your clavicle. You sucked in a breath, grabbing his hand and wincing. Your shoulder hurt more than you'd care to admit. 

"Sorry," Kylo whispered. 

You both stood there in silence for a moment, staring intently into each other's eyes, hand never letting go of his. 

"What I said on Naboo," you finally spoke. "I didn't mean it," you admitted. 

"I know," Kylo replied. "I shouldn't have started that fight in the first place. It's my fault."

You shook your head emphatically. "No, Kylo, it's mine."

"So does this mean you're staying?" Kylo asked, worry evident in his face.

"If you tell me you want me here I will stay," you deflected, looking down at his arm as you did so. 

"I don't want you to stay if you don't want to."

"And I don't want to stay if you don't want me to."

"Stop being ridiculous and just answer the question."

"You are the one being ridiculous, I-"

Kylo grabbed your face, forcing you to look at him. His beautiful brown eyes examined yours and you stopped breathing, completely infatuated with him. Finally, Kylo pulled you into his lips, attacking yours with fervor.

You had waited what felt like millennia for this man to kiss you. You had imagined what it might be like, you thought it would be perfect. But it was so much better. In that moment you forgot about your pain, you forgot about what had happened in the past few days, you weren't sure you even remembered your name. All you knew was Kylo. He was there and he was kissing you and you were kissing him back and that was enough. It was more than enough. And you never wanted him to let you go. Electricity coursed through your veins and adrenaline ran through your body like a wake up call. You had never felt so alive before. 

After an eternity, Kylo pulled away and whispered "stay."

You weren't sure you knew how to talk. "O-Okay," you stuttered. You finally regained some sense of control and began to grin uncontrollably. "But only if you kiss me again."

And it was even more perfect than the first one. In that moment, everything was perfect.


	21. That Cover Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Sweet Creature-Harry Styles]  
> [505-Arctic Monkeys]

And then that moment ended. 

•••

"No! Please, no!"

Kylo awoke to the sound of your screams and pleas. You were thrashing and crying out, obviously having a nightmare. Kylo's instincts kicked in immediately. He reached out and pulled you into him, holding you tightly so that you couldn't move. 

"It's not real," he whispered your name softly. "You're safe. It's just a dream."

You woke from your nightmare with a soft gasp. After a few moments of silence, you turned over to face Kylo, examining his face in the darkness of the room. 

"Kylo?" You whispered. 

"I'm here."

You wrapped your arms around Kylo's waist, burying your face in his chest. A steady stream of tears fell from your eyes and ran down Kylo's bare chest, but he didn't care. He ran his hand through your hair, carefully avoiding the tangles. 

Kylo didn't know what had happened on that ship but he knew that you had returned with many wounds, both physical and mental. Kylo felt so powerless; he was always in control, but he couldn't control this. There was nothing he could do to help you heal. You would have to do that on your own.

You finally pulled away from his chest, looking up at him as you did. 

"I- I'm sorry," your voice shook as you whispered an unnecessary apology. 

"You didn't do anything wrong," Kylo replied calmly, hand still caressing your head. 

Kylo hated seeing you this way. There were no sarcastic remarks leaving your lips, no playful jabs, not even that gentleness he had grown so used to. Kylo Ren would never admit it, but he was scared. He was scared that you would leave him in search of something better. Something that would help you regain that spark of joy you had once held. 

"I know," Kylo began softly. "I know you aren't ready to talk about it, but," he removed his hand from where it rested on your head, silently asking for permission. "Can I see?"

You took a deep breath, staring into Kylo's eyes as you mulled over his request. After a moment of silence, you buried your face back into Kylo's chest, silently nodding 'yes' as you did so. 

Kylo wrapped his left arm around your waist, pulling you further onto him. He held you tightly as his right hand moved to rest on your forehead. Kylo closed his eyes and entered into your mind, not having to push far in order to find your recent memories. The image of the ship you had been kept on came into view, slowly materializing around Kylo. He saw you on the floor, being harassed by two of the men that he had killed. 

"Where did they bury Obi-Wan's lightsaber?" Your subconscious told Kylo that this man's name was Thorne. Thorne was holding you up by your hair, causing you to wince in pain. 

"We know now that his body disappeared after he died, but we want his lightsaber," the other man added. 

"I don't know who that is," you replied calmly. 

Thorne nodded to the other man. "I guess it's the 'ard way then, innit, Zenon?"

Kylo watched helplessly as Thorne shackled you to the floor and Zenon retrieved his metal bat and sharp hunting knife. 

Zenon knelt down in front of you, grabbing your chin and forcing your face forward so your noses were almost touching. 

"I'm feeling generous so I'll give you one more chance, girl. Where is it?"

"I'm telling you, I don't know!" You sneered. 

"Well I tried," he shrugged with an evil grin plastered on his face. 

You withstood blow after blow with an impressive amount of self control. You even managed to stay conscious when Zenon knocked you to the ground and you hit your head against the hard metal floor. Kylo had to look away when he saw Zenon bring the bat against your chest, grimacing when he heard the crack. You screamed in pain, tears streaming down your face. 

Kylo was seething now. If he hadn't already killed these men he would've given them slow, painful deaths. 

Thorne knelt beside you and began stroking your hair.

Don't fucking touch her, Kylo thought to himself. 

"I find it 'ard to believe," Thorne muttered lowly into your ear, "that the granddaughter of Kenobi who was trained by the Skywalkers wouldn' know where 'er grandfather's lightsaber was buried."

She can't remember, you idiot. 

"They took my memory," you gasped, clutching your chest where your ribs had been cracked. 

"Righ', and my name is Pete," he chuckled. 

Thorne noticed the scar that spanned from your shoulder to below your clavicle. 

"Now what do we 'ave 'ere? That's a nasty scar you got 'ere. Who done that to ya?"

"Kylo Ren," you gasped as another wave of pain attacked you. 

Kylo cringed at the mentioning of his name. He would never forgive himself for hurting you. 

"Oh? What was lil Kenobi doin' with Kylo Ren?"

"I'm his prisoner," you breathed through clenched teeth. 

Well not really, Kylo thought. 

"Prisoners of Kylo Ren don' normally make it through the nigh'," Zenon argued. 

Yeah, that's true, Kylo admitted. 

You didn't reply, too focused on your pain to form an answer. 

"Oh," Thorne chuckled. "I get it. You're 'is lil play-thing."

Nope. Definitely not. 

"I bet we could get a good ransom for her," Zenon suggested. 

Thorne held the knife to your neck and you gasped. 

"Would 'e pay for ya?"

Not if I kill you before you get the chance to ask. 

"Yes," you choked out, grasping at straws for reasons they should keep you alive. 

"I tell ya what, 'e can have ya if ya survive," Thorne grinned as he brought his knife over your scar. 

The knife sunk into your skin and you let out a bloodcurdling scream. 

Kylo forced himself to watch even though it pained him. If you were forced to constantly relive this moment, Kylo could experience it once. 

Blood was traveling down your chest and onto your dress. 

Kylo made a mental note to buy you a new dress to replace the one that had been ruined. 

Thorne finished with his work on your scar and stood to admire it. 

"Hey, we've got a problem!" A voice called from the cockpit. 

Thorne and Zenon stood and headed towards the cockpit, leaving you there to lay in your own blood. 

Kylo watched as you stared blankly at the dark metal ceiling. You had already accepted your death, body no longer resisting the darkness that beckoned to you. 

Kylo exited your mind, unable to watch any more. His breathing was heavy and uneven, hand shaking as it left its spot on your forehead. 

Tears were running down your face but you didn't make a sound. Your arms were wrapped tightly around Kylo's torso, nails digging into his back. 

Kylo didn't know what to say. He felt a lot of things right now. Anger, of course, but also sadness and regret. He wished he had never walked out of your house on that sunny day that seemed like years ago but had only been over a week ago. 

But there was nothing he could do to fix the irreparable damage that had been done to you. This was the type of wound that would only heal with time. 

Instead, Kylo focused on what he could control: the answer to the question that had gotten you into this mess. 

"Your grandfathers name was Obi-Wan Kenobi," Kylo explained. 

Kylo waited a moment, allowing that information to sink in. 

"His lightsaber..." He began. 

"What about it?" You mumbled, voice muffled because your face was still buried in Kylo's chest. 

"I have it."

You looked up, confusion evident in your expression. 

"What? Where?"

"Do you want to see it?"

"Wha- right now?"

Kylo nodded. 

"I mean- I guess so... Wait, where is it?"

Kylo gently pushed you off of him and swung his legs off the bed. He stood up and began to walk towards the door, turning and gesturing for you to follow him. 

"Come on."

"I- okay."

You got out of bed, timidly following him out the door of his bedroom. Kylo turned to the right, heading down the hall. He passed the door to the bathroom that was on the left and stopped at the end of the hall. He waved his hand over the door, using the force to open it. Kylo stepped through the door into the brightly lit room, silently watching as you took in the room, eyes wide with curiosity. A large window covered the wall directly ahead of you, showcasing the beautiful galaxy. On the other side of the room a series of sleek, white, cylindrical blocks rose from the ground, forming a semi-circle. Each block was filled with ash and held some sort of relic. You moved towards the one in the middle, examining it carefully. 

"That's..." Kylo began. 

"...Darth Vader's mask," you finished. "I remember it. Or at least, I did at some point," you amended.

Kylo nodded and gently wrapped his hand around your waist, pulling you to the last block on the right. There sat Obi-Wan Kenobi's lightsaber, metal glinting in the light. It was in perfect condition, as if it hadn't aged a day. 

You pointed at the saber, looking back at Kylo and silently asking for permission. Kylo nodded and you carefully picked up the saber, examining it. You ignited the saber, swinging it in circles with ease, as if you'd been doing this your entire life. 

As Kylo watched you, worry began to creep up on him, wrapping itself around his neck and slowly suffocating him. What if you decided to leave and go back to Luke so that you could complete your training? What if you...

You extinguished the saber, placing it on it's block and turning back to Kylo. You raised your eyebrows at him. 

"What's wrong?"

Kylo shook his head. "It's nothing," he replied. 

You rolled your eyes. "I can't read minds like you can, Kylo. So tell me what's wrong."

"It's not important," Kylo mumbled. 

Your face creased into a frown and you crossed your arms. 

"Tell me," you ordered. 

"No."

Kylo turned towards the window, focusing on the stars instead of his worries. 

"Kylo I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

You came up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist. 

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," you whispered sadly. 

Kylo knew he was being stupid. He knew you weren't going to wake up one day and decide to leave him, but still. Some of his closest friends had turned into his worst enemies; how did he know you wouldn't be the same way? How did he know you wouldn't run when he inevitably messed up?

"Kylo, come back to bed," you pulled away from him, grabbing his hand and tugging at it gently. 

Kylo shook his head. "In a moment."

"Please," you begged, moving in front of him so he was forced to look into your sad eyes. "I don't want to sleep alone," you whispered. 

Kylo sighed. He couldn't say no to you, no matter how hard he tried. 

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine," Kylo repeated calmly, allowing you to pull him from the room and back into the bedroom. 

Kylo climbed into bed next to you, arms instinctively wrapping around your waist. He knew, however, that it would be a while before his body could rest again. His mind was too active and his emotions too great to allow him the sweet release of sleep. 

"Kylo?" You turned over to face him, brushing the excess strands of hair from his face. 

"Yes?"

"Can I try something?" You gestured toward his head, indicating what you were asking for. 

Kylo nodded and you placed your hand on his forehead, closing your eyes in order to focus. 

Within seconds Kylo could feel all his worry slip away, replaced with warmth. His body relaxed, giving into the exhaustion he had been ignoring. 

"Better?" You whispered gently, caressing Kylo's hair once you had finished comforting him. 

Kylo nodded, calmly gazing into your eyes. 

You giggled and averted your gaze, cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink. 

"Stop looking at me like that," you muttered. 

"Like what?" Kylo mumbled sleepily. 

"Like I'm the only thing that matters to you," you whispered nervously. 

"You are," Kylo replied immediately, sure of his answer. 

"But why? I'm just a girl from Naboo who just so happens to have a life she can't remember."

"You could be nothing..." Kylo began. "But you would still be everything to me."

And Kylo meant it. He meant it with every fiber of his being. When Kylo was with you, he wasn't that lonely shade of black he had grown comfortable with. No, he was grey. A beautiful shade of grey that only you could have possibly invented. 

Kylo realized that even if you tried to leave him he wouldn't let you. He couldn't let you. You had become too important to him. Kylo needed you like a starving person needed food or someone who was suffocating needed oxygen. 

It was you. 

Always had been and always would be. 

You.


	22. An Angel Thriving in Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Is There Somewhere-Halsey]  
> [Kingdom Come-Demi Lovato ft. Iggy Azalea]

"No."

"I have to..."

"No."

"This isn't a negotiation. I have to go."

"Absolutely not."

"It will only be a couple of days, I can leave a few of my knights..."

"I said no."

You were sitting at the kitchen table, staring across it to glare at Kylo, who was sitting on the couch. Grass was fast asleep on his lap and Kylo petted the cat absentmindedly as he argued with you. 

"Stop being difficult."

"Take me with you," you pouted. 

Kylo sighed. "It's too dangerous, I can't."

You had gotten better over the past two weeks, bruises fading and wounds healing. Besides the occasional nightmare or panic attack, you had gone back to your bratty self. 

You frowned. "Then you can't go either."

"You're not in charge of me," Kylo calmly pointed out. 

"Says who?" You leaned forward, placing your elbows on the table. 

"Me," Kylo retorted. 

"And when's the last time I listened to you?" You raised your eyebrows at him. 

"Never," Kylo huffed in annoyance. 

"Exactly. So either you take me, or you're not going."

"Stop being difficult," Kylo repeated. 

"Make me," you teased him. 

Kylo's eye twitched. "I'd be careful if I were you," he warned. 

You gave him a mischievous grin. "Or what?"

"Or you won't like what happens when I return from my mission."

You ignored the butterflies dancing around in your stomach, already too invested in the argument to stop now. 

"I already told you, you're not going."

Kylo carefully picked up Grass and set the cat beside him on the couch. He stood and made his way over to you, moving around the table so that he was inches away from you. You did your best to control your breathing which managed to grow quicker as Kylo grew closer. Before you even realized what was happening, Kylo's hands were around your waist, pulling you into him. 

"Always so demanding," Kylo teased. 

"So are you," you argued. 

"The more you test me, the more you are going to regret it when I return," Kylo muttered as he leaned into your neck, kissing it gently.

Trying your best to resist the temptation of giving in to Kylo, you squirmed against his grip. 

"No," you whined. "I'm mad at you right now, no kissing!"

A low chuckle vibrated in Kylo's chest as he began to harass your neck, red splotches appearing wherever his lips touched.

"Kylo!" You groaned in annoyance.

"I have to go," Kylo muttered as he continued to mark your skin. 

"Or you could just not go," you pouted, breathing heavily as electricity travelled through your veins. 

Kylo's hands left your waist and worked their way down to your hips, massaging your ass as his lips moved to yours. 

You moaned into his mouth, arms wrapping around his neck as you returned his desperate energy. 

"Promise me you're going to be good," Kylo muttered in between kisses. "Hux is already down my neck about allowing you to live after you betrayed the First Order."

"I make no promises," you grinned.

"If you want me to ever take you anywhere, you will."

Instead of responding, you pulled Kylo back into you, scooting backwards and onto the table, cold metal meeting your thighs. Kneeing your legs apart, Kylo moved between them, body connecting with yours. You could feel him hardening against you and you moaned at the realization. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you desperately tried to obtain some friction. 

"Dammit," Kylo muttered. "I'm already late," he said your name gruffly. 

He pulled away and you whined, legs left to dangle off the table. 

"It's only three days," Kylo called, already making his way to the door, readjusting himself as he did. 

"Two," you countered. 

"If you're good I'll buy you something nice," Kylo added, dipping into the bedroom to grab his mask. 

"Like what?"

"It's a surprise," Kylo stepped back towards you, grabbing your chin and pulling it up so you were looking into his eyes. "But only if you are good."

"I'll think about it," you decided grumpily. 

"Vicrul will give me a full report when I return," Kylo stated, pulling away from you to finally leave his chambers. 

"What? You're leaving me with Vicrul? Kylo!" You whined, jumping off the table to follow him to the door. "He's my least favorite!"

"I need Cardo and Trudgen's skill sets for this mission so you get Vicrul," Kylo replied indifferently. 

"You better get me a really nice gift," you pouted. 

"Of course, my dear," Kylo sighed. 

With that, Kylo put on his mask and exited his chambers, leaving you to watch as he marched down the hall, aura exuding intense power.

The door closed, leaving you in the darkness of Kylo's chambers once again. Given that you had nothing better to do, you sulked into the bedroom and climbed into bed. Curling into a ball, you fell asleep immediately. 

•••

You awoke to the sound of someone rattling around in the kitchen. Blinking in confusion, you got out of bed to go see who was making all the commotion. Vicrul was digging through the drawers in the kitchen, looking for something. The second he sensed you, he turned to face you, frowning as he did so. 

"You're awake," he said unenthusiastically. 

"What are you doing?" You replied, mirroring his frown. 

"Looking for food," he replied shortly. 

"No what are you doing in here? What if I didn't want you in here?"

"Hey," Vicrul raised his hands defensively. "I'm just following orders."

Vicrul's mask rested on the kitchen counter, his piercing grey eyes meeting yours. You didn't care, you had seen Vicrul without his mask on before. 

"Well, how about you follow orders from a distance?" You retorted. 

"Master Ren ordered that I not let you leave my sight. He seems to be very protective of you, I cannot imagine why," he added sarcastically, eyes trailing over your body that was covered in a white dress with a low heart shaped neckline. The dress only went to your thighs, not leaving much to the imagination. 

You crossed your arms and glared at Vicrul, annoyed by his comment.

"You're such an idiot," you muttered. 

Vicrul's chocolate brown hair had lengthened since you last saw him and you sighed in exasperation when you noticed. 

"Do you ever cut your hair?"

"Sometimes," he replied, shrugging and leaning against the kitchen counter. "But the only knight who doesn't remotely suck at cutting hair is Ap'lek and he'll only agree to do it every once and a while."

An idea came to you, making you excited that you might have something to do. 

"I know how to cut hair! Can I?"

Vicrul raised his eyebrows, examining your facial expressions. 

"If I let you... you have to promise not to argue with me for the rest of the time."

Damn. That was a high price to pay for an hour free of boredom. 

"Fine," you sighed. 

"Then we have a deal."

Vicrul dug through one of the drawers, finally leaving the kitchen and making his way to the table, sitting in the chair closest to you. You ran into the bathroom to grab a comb, quickly returning to where Vicrul was sitting. He handed you a pair of scissors that he had found in the kitchen, eyeing you warily. 

You rolled your eyes. "I'm not going to stab you with a pair of scissors," you scoffed.

"I can never tell with you," Vicrul smirked. 

You glared at him. "Just turn around. The only thing you're in danger of is being bald if you keep annoying me."

Vicrul gave in, turning around in his chair so you could stand behind him. You began combing his hair which went past his shoulders. 

"How short do you want it?" You asked. 

"Surprise me," he replied unenthusiastically. 

You got straight to work, cutting away the excess hair with as much precision as possible. It was silent except for the sound of the scissors against Vicrul's hair and you shifted uncomfortably, deciding to start a conversation. 

"So what have you been up to? You know, since you kidnapped me," you teased. 

"Again, just following orders," he retorted. 

"Right. Don't pretend like you don't enjoy all this," you gestured around the room, meaning the First Order. 

"Well of course I do, but I follow Master Ren's orders. Whatever he says is law."

"So if you were in charge, you'd do things differently?"

Vicrul thought for a moment. 

"Maybe a few things."

You raised your eyebrows as you cut off another strand of hair. 

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Well killing you for starters," he goaded. 

"Sure you would..." You rolled your eyes. "Don't pretend like I'm not irresistible," your voice was thick with sarcasm.

"Well I never said I wouldn't fuck you before I killed you."

"Vicrul!" You exclaimed. 

"Hey, you asked."

"I'm telling Kylo you said that," you teased. 

"Oh please do. I'm sure he would find it hilarious."

You finished with Vicrul's hair, circling him as you inspected your work. You had cut it so that it was only a little bit past his ears. It looked good. 

"Now," you smiled. "What are we doing next?" 

•••

"Look Vicrul, if we get in trouble, I'll take responsibility. Right now, I'm having the time of my life."

Your time with Vicrul had gone by quickly. Turns out, antagonizing someone was a great way to pass time. It was now the afternoon of the third day Kylo had been gone, meaning he could return any minute now. 

You were in the throne room, sitting sideways on Kylo's throne, legs hanging off the arm rest. 

"Even if you didn't take responsibility I would rat you out," Vicrul responded from his dutiful position next to you. 

"Rude," you muttered. 

The hairs on the back of your neck stood up, alerting you to the fact that Kylo had arrived on the Finalizer. You tried to subdue the excitement you felt, calmly waiting for him to figure out where you were. 

"Shouldn't you wait for Master Ren in his chambers?"

"No," you frowned. "I'm trying to annoy him, dumbass."

"Wow," Vicrul muttered. "You really are an idiot."

"Or I'm brilliant," you retorted. 

Just then, the elevator doors opened, revealing Kylo Ren and his five other knights. Kylo held his mask against his side, eyebrows rising when his eyes met yours. 

"What are you doing on my throne?"

"Oh, they didn't tell you?" You feigned surprise, crossing your legs that dangled from the armrest. "I'm the Supreme Leader now," you grinned mischievously. "That means you all have to bow," you informed his knights, masks still covering their faces. 

Kylo's eyes darkened. He stepped towards the throne, scaling the stairs one menacing step at a time. Keeping your arrogant expression, you ignored the nervous butterflies in your stomach. 

When Kylo got so close that his knees were almost touching the throne, he turned to acknowledge Vicrul. 

"Was she good?"

"She cut my hair," Vicrul replied. 

"Hey! You said I could!" You defended yourself. 

"Shhh," Kylo silenced you. "I'm speaking with Vicrul right now."

"Asshole," you muttered, slouching further into the chair and crossing your arms. 

Kylo shot you a glare before returning to his conversation with Vicrul. 

"Besides that," Kylo continued. "Was she good?"

"I would give her a... seven out of ten. She was a brat."

"I'm hurt, Vicrul," you pouted. "If you weren't already my least favorite, you would be now."

"How kind of you," Vicrul retorted sarcastically. 

Kylo turned to face you, eyes glinting mischievously. He stepped towards the front of the throne, pushing your legs off the arm rest so that you were forced to sit straight in the chair. Leaning over and grabbing your chin, Kylo smirked as you stared nervously into his eyes. 

"Did you antagonize Vicrul?" 

You felt like a student being disciplined by their teacher. 

Looking at him innocently, you responded softly. "No," you whispered. 

"No, what?" Kylo pushed, hand resting on your exposed knee. 

"No, sir," you muttered, frowning at him. 

"Hmm," Kylo's hand slowly travelled up your leg. 

"Kylo!" You whispered, inhaling sharply at the feeling of his hand on your skin. Your eyes darted nervously around the room. Seven pairs of eyes were currently on you, six of them hidden behind masks. 

Kylo noticed your discomfort, gaze softening slightly. His head turned towards Vicrul, silently communicating with him. After a moment, Vicrul nodded and stepped away from the throne, walking toward the other five knights. 

"Alright, shows over," he ushered them from the room. 

As soon as the elevator doors closed, Kylo faced you again. 

"Vicrul wanted to watch me punish you," he smirked, hand returning to its journey up your thigh. 

"Well Vicrul's a bitch. I was very good," you frowned. 

"Oh is that right?"

Kylo knelt down in front of you, hands wrapping around your legs as he planted a kiss on your left one. Goosebumps formed on your legs despite being relatively warm. 

"Yes," you responded, biting your lip to keep it from quivering. 

"You were just an angel, I'm sure," he teased. 

Kylo's lips travelled up your legs, hands pulling them apart so he could kiss the insides of your thighs. 

Your hands gripped the armrests as you tried to stifle any noises attempting to escape your mouth. 

"I'm always an angel," you retorted. 

"I don't think an angel would be enjoying this as much as you are," Kylo muttered against your skin as his hands pushed up the hem of your dress, fingers hooking into your black, lacy underwear. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," you mumbled. 

Pulling them down your legs, Kylo carelessly tossed your underwear behind him. He grabbed your lower thighs and pulled you closer to him, placing your legs over his shoulders. His nose was just inches away from your pussy, causing you to squirm nervously.

"Shhh," Kylo whispered. "You're absolutely beautiful."

You relaxed at his praise, whimpering when he dove in, licking everywhere except where you needed it most. Kylo's eyes met yours and you sucked in a breath, trying to keep yourself steady as electricity pulsed through your entire body. 

"I've been thinking about this pussy since I left," Kylo muttered, tongue finally applying pressure to your clit. 

You moaned as his tongue created a rhythm of slow circles and waves of pleasure rolling over you. 

"Holy shit," you muttered, eyes rolling to the back of your head. 

"Look at me," Kylo ordered, stopping his steady pace until you obeyed. 

You whimpered but did what he said, moaning as he returned to his task, rhythm growing slightly faster. Kylo continued to stare up at you, a devious look in his eyes. You struggled to keep your eyes open as you felt yourself growing closer to the peak, hands gripping the armrests so tightly your knuckles turned white. 

"Kylo," you moaned. "Fuck. Please, don't stop," you breathed. "I'm going to cum."  
There was something so hot about this situation. Kylo was the Supreme Leader, yet you were the one being worshipped while on his throne.

"Cum for me," Kylo ordered, fingers digging into your calves as his brown eyes took in every euphoric expression your face contorted into. 

You screamed as white light blinded you, orgasm crashing into you. Shaking violently, you whimpered and moaned, unable to focus on anything except the pure bliss Kylo's tongue was creating. 

Finally, your vision returned to you, legs falling off Kylo's shoulders as they still shook. Standing and leaning in, Kylo kissed you. He thrust his tongue into your mouth, forcing you to taste the remnants of you that were still left in his saliva. 

"All mine," Kylo growled against your lips. 

"All yours," you agreed.


	23. The Devil is in Love with an Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Arabella-Arctic Monkeys]

Kylo was tired. No. He was exhausted. His promise of being back to the Finalizer by the beginning of night had not held true. There was too much to fix; too many issues that had been allowed to fall through the cracks. 

It was already past midnight and Kylo knew you would be upset when he finally returned. Wanting nothing more than to be by your side, he grew more and more impatient as the minutes passed. The monotonous tone of excuses given by the officer groveling at Kylo's feet were annoying him. They were baseless pleas that gave him no explanation as to why so many lives had been lost. It was unacceptable, the death toll, that is. Officers of high rank were just... gone... 

Caring little for what the officer had to say, Kylo snapped the man's neck with a small flick of his wrist. Kylo could feel the tension rising as a loud crack emanated from inside the officer's body. 

"I asked for answers," Kylo growled. "Not excuses."

Eyes peering through the slit of his mask, Kylo observed the other officers standing perfectly still as they fearfully waited for his next move. 

"Well?" Kylo was angry. He had every right to be angry. "We lost a whole fucking dreadnought and no one can tell me what the fuck happened?"

Silence. 

Not a soul moved a muscle. It was so quiet that Kylo could have sworn he heard a pen drop in a different room. 

Had it not been for your voice in the back of his head, beckoning him back to the Finalizer, Kylo would have killed them all immediately. Given that he was in a rush, however, bodies would take too much time to deal with. 

"Demoted," he finally muttered. "You're all fucking demoted!"

Turning and marching from the room, Kylo stomped down the long hallways, his knights flanking his sides as he headed towards the hangar. 

"Supreme Leader!" An officer called, running after him. 

Halting in his tracks, Kylo turned to face the skinny officer. 

"What?" His voice was dangerously close to yelling, held together by the sound of your calm voice in his head. 

"We have made contact with an informant... ummm... sir," the officer shifted uncomfortably. 

"And?" Kylo crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently. 

"And they wish to meet with you... sir," the officer forced out quickly. 

"Who?"

"One of our spies. Number 457, sir."

Kylo sighed. He recognized that number. In fact, he knew it a little too well. 

"Where does she want to meet?"

•••

Kylo stormed through the door of his chambers, attempting to keep his anger at a minimum so he wouldn't wake you. 

"Kylo?" A timid voice called. 

Damnit. 

"Go back to sleep," he called to you as he pulled his helmet off. 

"I wasn't asleep," you called back. 

Kylo pulled off his boots, desperately trying to remove all of his many layers. After stopping in the bathroom to clean up, Kylo entered the bedroom, crawling into bed next to you. He chuckled at the way you were sitting against the headboard, arms crossed as you glared at him. 

"You're late," you frowned. 

"I wouldn't have been if people would do their jobs correctly," Kylo retorted tiredly. His hands grasped your arms, trying to pull you towards him. "Come here."

"I don't know if I should," you pouted. 

"Well I was going to tell you about where I'm taking you in two days but I can't unless you come here..."

Your resolve softened at his statement. After a moment of carefully examining his facial expressions, you gave in, allowing him to pull you into his chest. Kylo's hand immediately went to your hair, caressing the soft locks that adorned your head. He breathed in your comforting scent, letting out a comfortable sigh. 

"Tell me," you muttered against his chest, your face currently buried in it as if you were making a vain attempt at hiding. 

"We're going to Batuu."

You moved your head so your chin was resting on Kylo's chest as you stared into his eyes in confusion. 

"Battu? I've never heard of it."

"It's in the Outer Rim. I'm meeting an informant there. Actually, we're meeting an informant there."

"We?"

"Informant 247 tends to be very unpredictable. I'll need your skills."

"Hmm. I'll have to think about it."

"It wasn't a suggestion, my dear."

"Mhmm whatever you say," you cooed teasingly. 

Kylo groaned softly, hands tightening in your hair as his hands squeezed the skin on your back. 

"If I weren't half asleep I would fuck you so hard right now," he muttered. 

You traced circles on Kylo's bare chest, letting out a small giggle at his comment. After leaning forward to kiss him, you buried your head in the crook of his neck, practically smothering him with your body. Too tired to make you move, Kylo left you that way, allowing the darkness to pull him into its welcoming arms. 

•••

"What's that?"

You pointed at one of the identical beige structures that lined the path you were on. 

"A building."

"Who's in there?"

"People."

"What kind of people?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Rude," you muttered. 

Kylo's lips twitched slightly, smiling imperceptibly. "Come along, we don't have much time. I will show you around later."

You gave him a hopeful glance. "Promise?"

"Promise."

Excitement was evident in your body language. You were practically skipping from place to place, in awe of the assortment of species present. Every once in a while, you would tug on Kylo's arm and point to a passing creature, asking what planet they were from. If anyone else had acted this way around him, Kylo would have been annoyed. With you however, it was rather endearing. 

You would never admit it, but Kylo knew you were happy that he could not wear his mask on this mission. He noticed the way you would shut down when he had it on, barely uttering a word to him. The charcoal grey canvas cloaks that hung over both of your bodies kept you hidden in the crowd. Most of the people around you dawned the same outfit as they roamed the busy streets of Batuu. They all had their secretive reasons for being there and most of them were not pure. 

The planet only had three purposes: shady business deals, brothels, and hiding. 

Kylo Ren was no stranger to Batuu. Before you, he came here often, taking advantage of every amenity the planet had to offer. In the many months since he had been here, not much had changed. There wasn't much you could change about tan buildings and dirt paths, however. 

Leading you through the busy streets, hand never leaving yours, Kylo's eyes scanned the crowd. Every once in a while, he would see the cloaked figure of one of his knights who were stealthily watching you two from afar. They understood how dangerous Batuu could be if they did not take every precaution possible. The combined aura that the granddaughter of Kenobi and the grandson of Skywalker emitted would be overwhelming to anyone on the planet who was force sensitive. 

After a few turns down narrow alleyways, Kylo finally found the building he was looking for. Finding the keypad by the door, he entered the four digit code, standing back as the door shot open. Kylo stepped into the dimly lit building, pulling you inside. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he noticed a hooded figure sitting at a table in the center of the room, the only piece of furniture in the small building. 

"Supreme Leader. How gracious of you to honor me with your presence." 

Her voice was thick and laced with sarcasm. Kylo could sense her seductive and manipulative intentions from across the room. This was normal for her, nothing she ever did for him came without a price. A price that, previously, would have been easy to pay but now was a nonnegotiable 'no'. 

"Oh and you've brought me a present, I see."

She stood from her seat, moving around the table so she could examine you. Kylo's hand never left yours but he allowed her to inspect you, knowing he needed to play nice if he wanted any information. 

"Natalia, this is the girl I informed you of in our last meeting," Kylo explained. He spoke calmly, being careful to control his emotions so you would have no reason to worry. 

"Ah yes, the girl from Naboo." 

Her slender fingers reached for your face, pushing the hood of your cloak off of your head. 

"Do you have a name? Or maybe a number?"

Standing stiffly beside Kylo, you gave her your name, barely moving a muscle as you did. Kylo didn't need your abilities to see how uncomfortable you were. 

"Ah. Very pretty," her hands traced your cheekbones, eyes still scrutinizing every inch of you. "Yours?" She asked Kylo, face never leaving you. 

"Mine," Kylo replied firmly, leaving no room for her to slither her way into his words. 

"A shame," she replied shortly, finally turning to face Kylo. 

Getting so close that their bodies were almost touching, Natalia reached forward to place a hand on his chest. Kylo released his hold on your hand so he could grab her wrist, impeding her attempt at getting any closer to him. 

"You know what I want, Natalia. Stop wasting my time."

"You're no fun," she whined, pulling away and moving back to her seat behind the table. 

Kylo glanced at you, raising an eyebrow to make sure you were okay as he examined your facial expressions. Your eyes were cloudy and your face was unreadable, but you nodded and went to sit across from Natalia. Kylo took the seat next to you, arms crossing as he waited for her to get down to business. 

"The Resistance has been celebrating their win against your dreadnought. A large loss for you, I'm sure."

Kylo could feel your eyes on him, he hadn't told you about the lost battle with the Resistance. 

"It cost them a great deal as well, did it not?" He replied calmly. 

"Oh yes, they are definitely out for the count for a while. But that's not important. At least, not in comparison to the other information I have for you." Natalia paused, turning her head to observe your rigid figure. "She doesn't talk much, does she?"

"She doesn't like you," Kylo answered evenly, never taking his eyes off of her. "Cut to the chase, Natalia."

Natalia sighed. "Very well. Luke Skywalker has returned to the rebel base."

Kylo scoffed. "Given up his vow of silence already? I figured he'd need at least a few more years of solitude so he can wallow in his own self-pity."

"That's not all," Natalia continued, leaning forward as if this was a very secretive matter. "He's been looking for a girl. The granddaughter of Obi-wan Kenobi, to be exact."

You and Kylo exchanged a look of understanding. 

Natalia's eyes traveled between your faces, trying to read into your silent conversation. 

"Oh," she whispered. "Oh! It's her. Skywalker wants her!"

"We're done here." 

Kylo rose from the table, hand instinctively wrapping around your waist as you stood to follow him. 

"I'm guessing our usual form of payment is out of the question?" Natalia asked sweetly, voice a little too hopeful for Kylo's liking. 

Reaching into his cloak, Kylo pulled out a small bag of credits, practically throwing them at her head. 

"Come back whenever you like," she waved. "But don't bring the girl. You're no fun when she's around."

"Always a pleasure, Natalia," Kylo muttered as he ushered you out of the door and into the narrow alleyway once again. 

Vicrul's cloaked figure stood guard at the exit of the alley, looking to Kylo for an indication as to what he needed to do. 

"How was my dear Natalia?" Vicrul grinned mischievously. 

"A bitch," Kylo replied, annoyed at her continuous advancements despite you being there. 

"As always," Vicrul added, smirking as he turned to examine you. "I see someone didn't like Natalia very much," Vicrul teased. 

You ignored his jab, pushing past him and out of the alleyway, heading towards the room you and Kylo were sharing. Sighing, Kylo gave Vicrul a knowing look and rushed after you. 

"Someone's in trouble," Vicrul called, laughing to himself as he did. 

And Kylo definitely was in trouble. He had not been able to read your thoughts the entire time you both had been meeting with Natalia, meaning you had been making an effort to shut Kylo out. Why you had been doing that, well, Kylo was about to find out.


	24. All the Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Blood in the Cut-K.Flay]  
> [Demons-Hayley Kiyoko]
> 
> Warnings:   
> fighting, choking, teasing, edging, etc...   
> (ya know, the works)

"Are you going to say something? Or are you just going to keep stomping around in silence?"

You ignored Kylo, trying to make heads or tails of what had just occurred. That girl. That stupid fucking girl. She had been all over him and he had just let her. He had let her do whatever the hell she wanted. For what? For some information? You couldn't even imagine what would have occurred if your hadn't been there...

Hanging your cloak in the small coat closet, you removed the first layer of your clothing that was covered in sand, leaving you with your white undershirt and tan leggings. Emotion was building inside of you, threatening to burst at any moment. 

"Don't act like this," Kylo reached for your arm. "You know I-"

Without thinking, you whipped around, bringing your forearm to his chest and pushing him into the wall beside the closet. The shocked expression on Kylo's face made it hard to keep a straight face but you did, reminding yourself of how he had just behaved.

"First of all," you began, voice stern and full of simmering anger. "Don't ever call me a 'girl' again; it's demeaning. I'm a fucking woman, for your information."

Kylo was silent, eyes wide and awestruck from your sudden confidence. You used his loss for words to your advantage, continuing to reprimand him. 

"And second of all, when were you planning on mentioning that this woman was someone you used to regularly fuck?"

"I didn't think it was necessary," Kylo muttered, avoiding eye contact and shifting underneath your gaze, making a weak attempt to break free from your hold on him. 

"You didn't think it was-" you scoffed, glare intensifying as your arm dug further into his chest, keeping him pushed against the wall. "The second we walked into that room she was all over you, acting like you were hers, acting like she owned you!" Your face reddened and your breath quickened. "And then you have the audacity to call me 'yours' like I'm a piece of fucking property..." you let out a small laugh, eyes darkening into a malevolent stare. "Don't get our relationship confused Kylo Ren. If anything, you're my property. You need me."

Before you could register what was happening, Kylo grabbed your arms and spun you around. He pinned you against the wall, his large figure towering over you. It was obvious that he was angry; his face was red, his eyes were menacing, and his nostrils were flared. When you finally registered what had just occurred, you gasped in surprise, hands trying to escape Kylo's grip. 

"Watch your mouth," Kylo growled. 

Despite the arousal growing inside of you, you shook off the shock, trying to seem unbothered by him. There was no way you were going to let him win. 

"Why?" You smirked. "What are you going to do about it?"

Kylo released his grip on your wrist, moving his hand to your neck and squeezing it just enough to make your breathing shallow. Eyes widening in surprise, you gasped for air. Your stomach did somersaults while warmth grew between your legs, body silently begging him to come closer. 

"Not so cocky now, are we?" Kylo smirked. 

You stayed quiet, refusing to give into him. 

"Always testing my authority, questioning my motives, trying to overpower me. I think it's time I did something about that, don't you think?"

Kylo's grip tightened around your neck, his other hand tracing a line down your shoulder. You shivered at the sensation of his light touch, trying your best not to look totally enamored in his powerful aura. 

"You can pretend that you aren't affected by me all you want, my dear, but we both know the truth."

You finally mustered the courage to speak up, glaring at him confidently. 

"And what's that," you asked, feigning curiosity. 

Kylo's hand left your shoulder and grabbed your chin, forcing you to maintain eye contact with him. 

"You are in desperate need of relief," he muttered, eyes raking over your body like you were the prey he was about to make his next meal. "And I am the only one who can give it to you."

You frowned, annoyed by his overconfidence. If he thought he had any power over you, he was wrong. 

"Actually, you're not," you retorted boldly. "There are plenty of brothels on this planet, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm fucking attractive," you declared confidently. "I don't have to pay for sex, any man would want me."

If you thought Kylo couldn't get any angrier, you were wrong. His eyes darkened and his hand tightened further around your neck, stealing the air from your lungs. Emitting an emotionless chuckle, Kylo pulled you away from the wall, slowly pushing you towards the bed. 

"You're going to regret that," he growled. 

Your hands clawed at his arm, trying to free yourself from his painful grip. Thankfully, Kylo pushed you onto the bed, releasing his grip on your neck. He began removing the sand covered layer of clothing on his body, eyes never leaving yours. His gaze was nothing short of malevolent and you gulped nervously, backing up so your legs weren't hanging off the bed. Your fidgeting suddenly ceased, an invisible force preventing you from moving. 

"You fucker," you breathed, chest rising and falling rapidly in nervous anticipation. 

Kylo crawled on top of you, his black t-shirt and boxers the only articles of clothing still covering his body. Eyes scanning your figure, his fingers began tracing patterns down your arm. A small whimper escaped your mouth and Kylo shushed you, eyes still observing the way his hands looked on your delicate skin. 

"I think," he began lowly. "That you need to be punished for disrespecting me."

Your eyes widened, body still unable to escape the force hold he had on you. 

"The only question is... what should I do to you?" 

You glared at him, still refusing to give in to his dominance. Kylo chuckled, fingers tugging at the waistband of your leggings and slowly revealing the lower portion of your stomach. He pulled the leggings all the way to your ankles, removing them and tossing them aside carelessly. Next, he pushed your arms above your head, allowing him to easily remove your undershirt. Your breath was shallow, body and mind fighting for control over your resolve. 

You're still angry at him! Don't let him win! Your mind screamed at you. 

Please fuck me please fuck me please fuck me... Your body begged. 

As he removed your bra, Kylo finally spoke. 

"I've decided," he began. "That I'm going to make you beg," he declared. "And then, I'm going to make you cry."

You rolled your eyes, desperately trying to maintain your composure despite the warmth pooling between your legs. 

"You're welcome to try," you replied nonchalantly. 

Fingers wrapping around the fabric of your underwear, Kylo smirked as he slowly pulled them down. 

"You need a safe word."

"No I don't," you replied confidently. "I can handle anything."

A breathy chuckle left Kylo's lips, a smirk forming in its place. 

"You have no idea what you are getting yourself into, my dear."

"Like I said," you retorted. "I can handle it."

"Red," he decided. "If you want me to stop, say 'red'."

When you did not reply Kylo grabbed your jaw, squeezing it so tightly that your mouth popped open. 

"Answer me," he growled. 

"Yes sir," you replied quickly, the desire coursing through your veins becoming harder to ignore. 

"Try again," he squeezed harder, causing you to wince in pain. "Who am I?"

"Yes, Supreme Leader," you cried out, eyes begging him to touch you. 

"Good girl," he praised, letting go of your jaw and moving down to the foot of the bed. 

Thick hands wrapped around your ankles. Kylo pulled your legs apart, placing a kiss on the insides of your calves. He alternated between both legs, working his way up your body with slow, deep kisses that would most definitely be bruises in the morning. Back arching at the sensation, your need for him heightened with every second that passed. 

"Poor thing," he murmured against your skin. "Were you jealous of her? Did the thought of someone else touching me make you angry?"

The only response you could muster was a whimper, brain forgetting rational thought as it submitted to his will. Kylo let out a small laugh, lips vibrating against your skin. 

"Don't worry, my dear, it was nothing but a transaction. I would have never fucked her the way I'm about to fuck you."

Kylo finally arrived at your thighs, taking special care to ensure they would be covered in deep purple marks when tomorrow arrived. You moaned, unable to control your growing desire. 

"So needy aren't we?" He whispered into your skin, warm breath causing you to shiver. "Is this what you wanted? Is this why you thought you could disrespect me? Deep down, you just wanted to be used, didn't you?"

"Yes," you moaned, unable to resist him any longer. 

Kylo gave you one last smirk before diving in. He licked a line up your slit, tongue lightly grazing your clit. You whimpered at the sensation, grinding your hips into him in an attempt to gain friction. Giving in to your wishes, Kylo wrapped his lips around the bud, sucking lightly as his fingers dug into the soft skin of your thighs. 

"Fuck," you breathed, back arching as pleasure coursed through your body. 

Kylo continued to suck, hands holding your thighs in place as they shook violently. The room was filled with the sound of your moans and whimpers. Every stroke of his tongue further loosened your resolve and you slowly submitted to his will. A gasp escaped your lips as two fingers pushed their way inside of you, curling inside of you. 

"Kylo," you moaned, too engrossed in your bliss to notice his growl. 

Between the fingers thrusting in and out of you and the abuse your clit was suffering, you were pushed towards the edge at a rapid pace. 

"Kylo," you repeated breathlessly. "I'm going- I'm going to..."

You felt yourself reaching your peak, anxiously awaiting your impending orgasm, when suddenly, Kylo pulled away. The cry that left your mouth at the abrupt removal of his hand echoed throughout the room. 

"Please Kylo," you begged breathlessly. 

"That's not my name," he growled. 

You groaned aloud as you realized your mistake.

"Supreme Leader, please. I'll do anything," you whined, growing needier by the moment. 

"You want to be fucked, slut? You want the Supreme Leader to use you?"

"Yes," you moaned, back arching at the thought. "Please Supreme Leader," you whimpered. "Please fuck me."

"Are you sure that you can handle this?" He growled, hands working to release his hardened length. "I will not be merciful with you. Tonight you are mine to use."

"I'm sure," you replied, chest heaving in anticipation. 

Kylo smirked. "Don't expect any pity from me when you can't walk correctly tomorrow."

He palmed his erection with one hand, the other grabbing your chin and pulling it to the side so he could have easy access to your neck. He abused the tender skin, biting into it as he simultaneously sunk into you. You cried out at the intrusion, not prepared for him to enter you. 

As promised, Kylo was merciless. His pace rapid, strokes going deeper each time that he sunk into you. His dick filled you completely, taking up every centimeter of space inside of you. 

"Fuck," Kylo grunted. "You're so tight."

You tried to reply but all that escaped your lips were whimpers and moans, unable to form coherent thoughts as Kylo pounded into you. 

"Is this what you wanted?" He rasped breathlessly. "To be nothing more than something made for my personal pleasure?"

The sounds that left your lips were louder now, pleasure coursing through you as if it was the only thing running through your veins. The fact that Kylo was completely clothed aside from his dick inside of you added to the weight of his words, causing the fire in your lower stomach to intensify. 

"I could fuck you for hours if I wanted to. I could tie you up and have my way with you. I could make you cum over and over again until you were begging me to stop," Kylo grunted, face flushed red and pupils blown with desire. "Do you know why?"

When you did not reply, Kylo's hand wrapped around your neck, squeezing it enough that it forced you to submit. 

"Why?" You stuttered, pleasure building by the moment. 

"Because you're mine. I own you."

"Fuck," you moaned, his words having an effect on you. "Supreme Leader I'm going to cum," you cried out, growing dangerously close to your peak. 

"Not without my permission you aren't," he growled. 

"Please, Supreme Leader! Please let me cum," you begged shamelessly. 

"Are you sorry for disrespecting me? Have you learned your lesson?"

"Yes! Please, I'm sorry!"

Kylo's finger found your clit at the same time as he found his release, slowly rubbing the bud as he came inside of you. 

"Cum for me," he groaned, continuing to fuck you through his orgasm. 

White light clouded your vision as your orgasm overtook you. Screams and moans left your mouth but you did not hear them, incapable of noticing anything except for the pleasure coursing through your body. 

Kylo pulled out of you and rolled onto his back, wordlessly lying next to you. As you came down from your high, you noticed that your face was wet. You absentmindedly touched your cheek, realizing they were tears. You turned to see that Kylo was watching you, his hand immediately moving to your face when he noticed the condensation. 

"Looks like I kept my promise," he smirked. 

The euphoric feeling exited your body and you shivered in response, tears continuing to fall uncontrollably. Kylo's strong hands reached for your body, gently pulling you into his chest. 

"So pretty," he whispered, fingers tracing the bruises on your legs. He chuckled at the thought that had entered his mind. "You've got me wrapped around your finger and you don't even realize it."

"Oh?"

"Well for starters, anyone who tried to yell at me the way you do would find a hole in their chest before they could even utter a sentence. And anyone who tried to antagonize my knights the way you do would become the subject of immensely gruesome torture." He poked at your bruises as if to demonstrate. "But I just let you get away with it, let you walk over me."

Out of context, you would have expected this type of confession to be paired with a great deal of anger. As it were, Kylo was completely calm. So calm that it was almost unnerving given the gravity of his words. 

He kissed your exposed back lightly, nose nuzzling into the crook of your neck. 

"I like to think that you're mine," he whispered into your skin, "but really, I'm all yours."


End file.
